Tucker

Chapter Fifteen




The ride to the airport was quiet, and so was the flight itself. In fact the entire trip home was made up of small talk that didn’t matter, and a whole bunch of silence to fill in the cracks.

Jesus.

Kate and Jason. He hadn’t seen that coming. Tucker frowned as he grabbed his bag and hitched it over his shoulder, and then scooped up Abby’s from the carousel. He’d called ahead, and there was a cab waiting just outside.

“Car should be here,” he offered, not knowing how to fix the strain between them.

Abby attempted a smile and nodded, turning toward the exit.

He felt like an absolute shit.

“Abby.” Dammit, he knew things were wrong. They were wrong and sideways and totally f*cked up. How had he gone from having such an amazing night with Abby to this in less than twelve hours?

He followed her outside and spotted their cab driver. It was the guy who’d dropped them off only a few days earlier.

Once their stuff was stowed, he slipped into the back seat.

“Abby,” he tried again. “Can we talk about this?”

“Not now, Tucker. Please can we just….” She sighed and looked out the window so all he saw was her profile. “Can we just…not?”

Tucker unclenched his hands and sat in silence, watching the lights stream by as the cab sped through the early evening. Fall had taken hold of New York City and it was brisk out. The wind picked up and leaves flew chaotically in the air. Soon they would be gone and winter would transform the colorful palette into something stark and cold and beautiful.

Sunday traffic was light and the ride didn’t seem to take forever as could be the case in the city. Abby was out of the cab almost before it pulled up in front of her building, and Tucker jumped out. He wasn’t leaving things like this.

He wasn’t leaving. Period.

“Tucker. What are you…?”

She watched as he grabbed his bag from the trunk and paid the driver. Shaking her head, Abby took a step back. He knew that he’d hurt her—not intentionally, but he’d hurt her nonetheless. And he knew that she was confused by the way he’d reacted at brunch. At the way he’d handled the entire situation. Hell, he didn’t know if he could explain, but he had to at least try. This here, with her, meant something.

Abby Mathews wanted to retreat, but dammit, he wasn’t going to let her.

“We’re not done,” he said, nodding to the driver.

The cabbie took off, the exhaust a plume of hot smoke in the cold air. Abby turned toward him, and his gut rolled over. Were those tears in her eyes?

“I think this was a mistake.”

Shit.

“All of it,” she continued. “The wedding. Us. Last night. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

He moved an inch or two so that he could touch her and was grateful when she didn’t turn from him. He slid his hand behind her neck and felt the warmth. The weight of her hair traveled across the back of his forearm, and he inhaled that subtle fresh scent that was all Abby.

“You’re wrong,” he replied quietly.

“How can you say that?” she said, trying to jerk away from him. “This morning you acted as if…as if last night never happened. As if I was nothing more than a plus one. And I don’t want to sound like a cliché or anything, but Tucker, I am the cliché. I’m the girl you took away for a weekend and screwed.” She made a weird noise and muttered. “I knew this would happen. What the hell is wrong with me?”

He let her go and swore. He was frustrated. More than a little pissed off. And confused as hell. Running his hand across the back of his neck, he decided that the only way he was going to make things right was to be as honest as he could. He had to at least try and figure out how to put into words the stuff that was inside him.

“I’m sorry, Abby. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I didn’t know Kate and Jason were there. I had no idea, and seeing them…Christ, seeing them threw me for a loop. They weren’t just my in-laws, Abigail. We were close, you know? They were family. And after Marley…after she disappeared…”

He closed his eyes, chest tight as images and emotions and even smells from back then caught him hard. It had been such a dark and chaotic time. The press had been in a frenzy. There were so many unanswered question. So much hope and despair and then….

“For those first few weeks, Jason and Kate kept me sane. They came to Florida and stayed with me while my parents handled the press, the police, the search and rescue…Marley’s parents kept me alive, and I probably did the same for them.”

He exhaled, ran his hands over the stubble on his chin and looked across the street. A rough-looking tabby slinked down the sidewalk, tail twitching erratically, head swiveling back and forth. Tucker followed its progress for a few moments. Sometimes he felt like that cat. Always looking. Always searching for something. At one time, it was all about Marley, but now…now he wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking for.


“I haven’t seen them since last Thanksgiving. I didn’t even realize it had been that long until Kate mentioned it. I just kind of fell away from them.” Hell, he’d fallen away from everybody. The only constant in his life over the past year was standing right in front of him. That had to mean something.

“Things are weird enough without me throwing you in their face. Jesus, Abby. They still think Marley is coming back.” His voice faltered a bit. “They think that she’s out there. Somewhere. Trying to get back to us.”

“Do you?” The words were soft, and he barely heard them. “Do you think she’s coming back?”

Slowly, he turned back to her. For several long moments, the two of them stared at each other without speaking.

“No,” he said finally, and Tucker couldn’t lie. It hurt like hell to say it. “I don’t think Marley is coming back, and I haven’t thought that for a very long time.”

Abby shivered from the cold, her dark eyes huge as she stared up at him.

“So what are we doing then? You and me? I don’t want to be just the cliché, Tucker. I don’t want to be that girl who doesn’t mean more than a scratch for an itch when it needs scratching.” She blew out a breath. “We’re more than that and even though I’m not sure what exactly we have, I sure as hell thought that I was more than just a…a…a f*ck.”

Shit. How could he make her understand?

He reached for her again and was grateful that she let him pull her in close. Wrapping his arms around her, Tucker closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feel of her. The smell of her. The fact that this woman was here with him, even if they were in the middle of the sidewalk attracting more than their fair share of attention.

“Abby, you gotta know that you’re so much more than that.” He rested his chin on top of her head. “You’re my best friend.”

He said the words and was more than a little startled at the punch of emotion that hit him in the gut. And also the ever-expanding ball of confusion. He needed to be brutally honest with the both of them.

Gently he pulled away, only a few inches, but he needed to see her, and she needed to know the absolute truth.

“We decided the other night to see where this goes, but the other night we were both buzzing with a hell of a lot of sexual need. And I think we both know that sex can screw things up. It clouds judgment and sometimes makes things that are small seem so much more than they really are.”

He waited a few seconds, trying to gather his scattered thoughts.

“But last night wasn’t small. Last night was incredible, and I can’t lie. I want you again. Christ, I want you right now, but…”

“But,” she whispered, leaning into his palm, those big eyes staring up at him as if she could see into his soul.

“You said you wanted to see where this leads. That you were willing to take it day by day. Abby I want that. I do. But you gotta understand that when Marley left, she took a piece of me with her. I don’t think I’ll ever get it back. There’s a part of me that’s just not…right. You have to know that it’s not you. It’s me. I’m the one who’s f*cked up, and I don’t want you to…”

He looked at her helplessly. Was he even making sense?

“You don’t want me to fall in love with you.”

A car honked. Someone yelled at them to “get a room.” They ignored all of it.

“I’m afraid if we keep on doing whatever the hell it is that we’re doing, you’re going to get hurt. ” There it was. It was all he had. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

The way Tucker saw it, he would never love another woman. It was something that he wouldn’t allow. He’d barely survived Marley, and he was damn sure that he wouldn’t survive another dance with that devil. Love wasn’t in the cards for him, and he’d come to terms with that.

But he was sick of drifting. Sick of searching.

He was sick of being that damn tabby cat. So where exactly did that leave him? Did he end things before they began with Abby? Did he go back to the nameless, faceless sex that didn’t matter? Did he go back to the Sonya Devonishes of the world? Or did he walk the road alone?

He exhaled roughly. “You know what? Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”

“Okay,” she said softly.

“What was that?” His thoughts scattered as he focused on Abby.

“I promise that I won’t fall in love with you.”

A pause. This was unfamiliar territory, and he wasn’t exactly sure how to proceed.

“Abby,” he said, more than a little hesitant. Should he be happy to hear those words? Because it wasn’t happy coursing through him. He wasn’t exactly sure what it was.

“Look, Tucker. I like you. You like me. We’re friends. More importantly, we’re really, really good friends. Right?”

He nodded.

“Really good friends who just happened to share a mind-blowing night together.”

That got a smile out of him. “Mind-blowing?”

Abby tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She didn’t return his smile, though her eyes darkened. “It was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“It was pretty damn hot.” Hell, he’d rate it right up there himself.

“I want more of that mind-blowing sex.”

Jesus, he wasn’t used to this frank side of Abby Mathews. “The mind-blowing sex is good.”

“And you don’t need to worry about me getting all territorial. I just got out of a relationship.”

Tucker wouldn’t exactly call what she’d had with the dumb-ass musician a relationship, but he wasn’t going to argue with her.

“I just don’t want to be treated as if I don’t matter, Tucker. Friends don’t do that to friends.”

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I still want to take this day by day, but only if we have some guidelines to follow, because I think we can both agree that our friendship means a lot and I don’t want to jeopardize it.”

“Agreed.”

“I have a few rules.” There was the lightness that had been missing in her voice.

“You do,” he replied, letting that lightness wash over him.

“Yep.”

Okay, he thought, things were going to be okay. Relieved, he smiled.

“Let’s hear ‘em, Miss Mathews.”

“Even though this is pretty much a friends-with-benefits thing, I don’t ever want to hear you say those words.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Friends with—“

“Ah.” Her finger was on his mouth. “Never. Again.”

“Got it.”

She pressed into him, her arms snaking up behind his neck. “And it’s exclusive. No more yoga instructors or Sonya Devonishes or those freaking groupies that chase after your sports guys. If we’re going to be hanging out, then it’s just us.”

“Check.”

“And we’ll have to come up with something to explain all of this to my brothers. Especially Mick. I have a feeling he’s going to have a problem with our new...relationship. I don’t want to hide, but he can’t know the truth because he’ll never let me hear the end of it.”

Okay, Mick, might be a problem, but Tucker was confident he could handle him. Maybe.

“Which brings me to the most important thing. I don’t want to hide or sneak around. That’s just not my thing. If you walk into The Black Dog and I want to kiss you, then I’m going to kiss you.”


“Got it. Exclusive. No sneaking around and public kissing allowed.” He flashed a smile. This could really work. He’d finally have someone he cared about in his life, and his baggage wasn’t an issue. His inability to commit to anything serious wasn’t going to bite him in the ass.

“Are you sure about this?” He had to ask one last time, just to be sure.

“Yes, Mr. Simon. I’m sure.” She took a step back. “Our arrangement suits me as long as…”

“As long as?”

She bit her bottom lip in that way that would drive any man crazy. Lord, the woman had an amazing mouth.

“Our friendship means a lot to both of us so if either one of us thinks it won’t survive whatever this is that we’re doing, we need to call it quits. Friendship above all else, all right?”

“Deal,” he murmured.

Abby jerked her head toward the walkup. “Now are you coming up or what?”

Startled, Tucker glanced toward her building. He just assumed he’d be at his own apartment tonight. Alone.

“My roommate Lisa is upstate visiting her parents and won’t be home until tomorrow night.” She shrugged. “I have the place to myself.”

She didn’t have to ask twice. Tucker grabbed her hand, and the two of them took the stairs as if they were racing to a fire.

“One more thing,” Abby said after they entered the building.

“What’s that?” He was distracted. Already picturing her naked. Above him. In front of him. Underneath him.

“Marathon or sprint?”

Holy. Hell. An image of her flashed in his brain. Abby up against the wall, hair all over the place, warm and wet and so f*cking hot that it hurt.

They were at her door.

“Both,” he growled.

Abby unlocked it and then they were inside her loft. She shrugged out of her jacket and reached for the bottom of her T-shirt. It was on the floor before he had time to toss his leather coat.

“Good answer.