We both laugh and move a little bit away from each other as the waiter comes to our table and steps in between us to place the check on the table.
“I still have that scar on my ass from when you had to help pull me off of the tree. I don’t care though. That was the best blow job ever. Well, aside from the shower one on our first date.”
We sit there quietly for a few minutes staring into each other’s eyes, and I am trying to force all of my thoughts into her head.
You want to bang me, you want to bang me, you want to bang me.
“I want to bang you,” she states.
My brain is an awesome and powerful thing.
I throw all of the money in my wallet down on the table without even looking at the bill. I’m pretty sure I just gave our waiter a seventy percent tip, but I don’t give a fuck. I grab Jenny’s hand and together we run to the exit and out into the parking lot.
~
In hindsight, trying to have sex in our four-door, compact car in our own driveway probably isn't the best idea. But after Jenny spends the fifteen minute drive from the restaurant back to our house with her hand down my pants, rubbing me one second away from orgasm, I can’t even think about opening the car doors and going inside. I turn off the engine, hit the button to move my seat back as far as it will go, grab Jenny around the waist, and haul her over the center console and onto my lap.
With her legs straddling me, I slide my hands up her thighs and push her dress up to her hips, realizing she isn’t wearing any underwear.
“You’re wearing my favorite clear pair of panties,” I tell her as I slide my hands around her hips and onto her bare ass.
“I wore them just for you,” she says with a smile as she leans forward and runs her tongue along my top lip.
I reach between us to unbutton my pants, freeing my dick and feeling quite proud of myself that I too chose to go commando this evening.
With one hand still clutching her ass, I pull her down so I can rub the head of my cock against her. She’s wet and warm and even though she hasn’t shaved down there since before Billy was born, I don’t give a fuck. I love her * whether it’s smooth or has a porn bush fro. As I use my hand to glide myself back and forth through her, she starts to move her hips to create more friction, and we both moan against each other’s mouths.
“Fuck, you feel so good, baby. I wanna fuck you like an animal.”
She stops the movement of her hips and pulls her face away from mine.
“Don’t quote Nine Inch Nails when we’re about to have sex. It’s creepy. I don’t want to think about animals having sex. Remember that time we saw my cousin’s dogs having sex? Oh my God, I had nightmares for weeks. I kept dreaming we would have sex and your penis would be stuck inside me until you finish like those stupid dogs,” Jenny complains.
“Sorry, no more animals fucking talk. Let’s just talk about us fucking. Right now. In the car,” I tell her as I move the head of my penis to her opening and push my hips up slightly so I enter her just a little bit.
“Son of Al Sharpton,” I moan as she pushes her body down a little more and I go deeper.
Jenny doesn’t hesitate to slide the rest of the way down on my cock, and I have to squeeze my eyes shut so I don’t blow my load right this second.
She grips onto my hair and yanks me towards her mouth.
“You’re such a dirty whore,” I mutter against her lips.
She stops and pulls back to look at me again. “Eew, don’t say that.”
I look at her in confusion for a minute. She’s always thought that was hot. In the past, she usually begs me to call her a dirty whore. I want my dirty whore!
“It’s just weird. I’m a mom now,” she explains.
“You were a mom the last time I called you a dirty whore,” I complain with a pout.
I know, I know. My penis is finally home and I’m complaining. But you don’t understand! This is our thing! She’s my dirty whore and I’m her big, bad slut.
“Just…I don’t know, do it normal. Call me Jenny and I’ll call you Drew.”
Normal? What the fuck is normal?!
“What? But that doesn’t even make sense! We’re not normal. We’re dirty and filthy, and I don’t know what is going on right now!”
I think my penis is dying. I’m inside my wife’s vagina and I’m starting to go soft. No, no, no! This is NOT happening right now!
“Can’t we just have vanilla sex?” she asks as she leans back from me as far as she can while I’m still inside of her.
“Vanilla is white! WE’RE NOT WHITE! We’re…fuck! We’re Napoleon or whatever the fuck the three colored one is. We’re fucking Superman or the chocolate kind with peanut butter in it. I don’t even know what vanilla means! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?”
I know I’m yelling while my wife is on top of me, naked from the waist down but this is a complete and utter mind fuck right now.
“You’re not hard anymore,” she tells me as she looks down where we’re still, sort of, joined.
GAAAAAH I’m not listening! I’m not listening! I’m always hard! I’m hard when I’m grocery shopping in the frozen food section. Son of a motherless goat!