Chapter 7
HARLOW
“You...love me?”
I wonder if I need to get my ears checked. Did Gunner Hunt just tell me he loved me?
Gunner Hunt, the bad boy who made me repeat how all this was just two people who couldn’t deny how badly they wanted to rip each other’s clothes off...loved me?
“I never stopped loving you, you damn fool. I told you why I had to leave you, and those reasons still hold. If I had it my way, you’d be living the life you deserve, and that doesn’t include me. But I can’t keep the hell away from you. And I’ll always love you. Always.”
“Gunner, I love you,” I gasp, desperate for him to know, to feel how much I mean it.
I kiss him with everything in me. I hold him tight in my arms, so tight I can feel the crash of his heart in his chest. I turn to the bedside table and tear off a condom. I reach my hand down, grab his dick, and roll the condom on, opening my legs wide so I can feel him press me open.
“I want you inside of me,” I moan. He presses his lips to mine and slides into me with one long, hard press of his hips.
I arch into him, loving the tight press of his dick deep inside me. He pulls back out so slowly, it’s driving me crazy. Part of me wants to grab his hips and do this fast and hard, because I want him so badly.
But I love that he wants it slow. Like he thinks we should savor it. So I let him keep a steady rhythm and grab onto his wide shoulders for support.
“Damn, it’s hard taking things slow when your p-ssy is so tight.” His voice sends shivers up and down my spine. “You like it, baby? You like my dick in you?”
I spread my legs wider, letting him get a little closer. He presses his body up with his arms, and I look down to where his dick is sliding in and out, shining wet from me.
“Holy hell, baby. It’s gonna take everything I have not to come. I feel like that p-ssy gets wetter with every stroke of my dick.”
“Gunner?”
He looks down at me, his green eyes narrowed, breathing heavy out of his nostrils.
“What do you need, baby?” he chokes out.
“I’m on the pill.” I stop his hips with my hands and push back until he’s out of me. I hate the empty feeling immediately. I put my fingers at the top of the condom. “I don’t want to do this with anything between us. I’m clean. I got tested when they put me on it.”
I can’t read the look in his eyes. “And how do you know I’m clean? Why are you willing to take that chance with me?”
I blink. Stupid that I didn’t think about it. It’s not that the sex is bad at all. It’s just that I want...him. All of him. Without even the tiniest thing between our bodies.
“Do you have something?” I ask, cursing the way my voice trembles.
“No.” He clenches his teeth so hard, I can see his jaw set. “I never f*ck without a condom. Ever. And I’ve had regular screenings.”
I feel embarrassed for asking now. I guess I thought it would be intimate or sexy, but now I feel childish.
“Forget I asked,” I whisper.
He nods. “I get that you’re worried. I’m no saint, Harlow. Never pretended to be.”
“It’s not that,” I rush to explain. “I trust you, Gunner. I just...um, it seemed like...I just thought you didn’t like the idea.”
A smile twists on his perfect mouth. “So, you thought I didn’t like the idea of riding you bareback? Sweetheart, do you even know me?”
He looks down pointedly. I start to pull the condom off. “Are you sure?”
He closes those green eyes.
“I can’t promise I’ll last long. But I can tell you this. If I die the minute this is over, I’ll die the happiest man that’s ever lived.”
I giggle as I pull the condom away. “Don’t die. Especially if you don’t last long. You promised me this would last all night lon—”
My word gets cut off because he slides in, hot and huge.
“Holy f*ck!” He blows a long breath out of his mouth and shakes his head. “You’re gonna be the death of me, Harlow.”
His mouth finds mine and his tongue forces its way in, like he wants a taste of something he’s been hungering for. I put my fingers in his dark hair and pull his mouth closer, licking back. His hands ride up to squeeze my breasts, his fingers pinching and pulling on the nipples until I feel that familiar flush that starts on my cheeks and neck and works down over my breasts, my stomach, and to my center.
I pull my legs up and hook them around his hips, digging my heels into the small of his back so he can drive in harder. Being this close puts the perfect pressure on my *, over and over.
And I then I come undone.
“Gunner! Gunner! I’m coming!”
He groans hard. “Damn! So damn wet,” he gasps as he shudders hard, pressing deep into me and kissing me. He pulls his mouth back and twists it into a grin. “Thank god, baby. I didn’t think I was gonna make it.”
He wraps his arms around me, and I trace a finger down his biceps and forearms, to the place where my name is tattooed on him. I snuggle against his chest and enjoy the quiet of the room.
But I can’t relax.
I don’t want to bring up anything that will shatter the moment, but I feel like I have to know what he’s thinking. And the way he just opened up and told me how he’s always loved me makes me braver than I’ve been before.
“Gunner?”
“Mmm?” He makes a sleepy noise. “Sleep a little, Harlow. Because you’ll need your strength to make it through the rest of the night. And maybe tomorrow. Cause I don’t know if you’re gonna have the energy to get out of bed when I’m done with you.”
“What does this all mean?” I whisper.
“What?”
“You and me. And...this.”
There’s no sound but the total quiet of the room for a few long seconds.
“I don’t know what it means,” he finally answers. “But I know that things can’t go back to the way they were before. No matter how bad I might want that to happen. But I can’t think now about where things are going. Sleep, Harlow.”
His last words are a command, bit out and meant to be followed.
I close my eyes and pull his arms tighter around my body. I don’t ask any more questions because I realize I may not love the answers I get. And all I really need to know right now is that Gunner wants me, that he loves me, and that things have to change.
I just hope that change is for the better.
***
“What. The. F*ck?” Daisy says, clipping her words and raising one dark eyebrow. Her expression basically screams annoyance.
“I know!” I say, running up to the table of the outdoor cafe and tossing my pricey Dooney & Bourke bag onto the ground, not caring if its soft leather gets scuffed.
“Where did you go!?” she asks. “Have you talked to your dad? He’s going to kill you Harlow. Seriously—maim, murder. You’re a goner.”
I wince. “It was that bad, huh?”
“Harlow! You went in to get my drink and never came back! What did you think would happen? Where were you? Or do I even need to ask?”
I cock my head to the side and give a coy smile. “I was with Gunner.”
“Obviously,” Daisy says, rolling her eyes and throwing up her hands.
“What’s so wrong with that?”
“Nothing. Except you didn’t even say good-bye. Do you know how much covering I had to do for you? Do you have any idea how thirsty I was?” She lays a hand on her neck dramatically.
“What’d you tell everyone?” I start to twist my hands, but I stop myself. That is a little girl’s habit, and I’m a grown woman!
Daisy tosses her long hair over her shoulder. “I said that you texted me that you got a call from a friend that was stuck somewhere and needed a ride home. That you had to rush out.”
“And Dad was cool with that?” I thank my lucky stars when I remember that I actually parked my car in the garage instead of leaving it in the driveway like I usually do. Hopefully Daddy bought Daisy’s lame lie? My heart hammers at the thought of getting caught in the middle of my daddy and Gunner Hunt.
Definitely not a place I want to be.
“F*ck no, he wasn’t! He gave me the third degree about who it was and where you went. And all the while, I was just praying you weren’t actually mysteriously abducted while I covered your tracks. You could have at least poked your head outside and given him an excuse yourself, you know.”
“No, no I couldn’t. If I wasted time, Gunner might have left.”
“Then screw him! If he wasn’t into sticking around, good riddance.”
“Don’t say that. We had an incredible night.”
“Incredible, as in, things are good now? No more guessing where you stand? Just water, please,” Daisy says to the waitress who appears out of nowhere.
“For you?” the waitress asks. I glance quickly at the menu without really seeing it.
“Uh, coffee and water, please.” I glance up as I say it and the notice girl taking our order is completely gorgeous. That kind of take-your-breath-away gorgeous that makes you want to curl up inside yourself because you feel like a child all of a sudden by comparison.
“Sure thing,” she says.
“I feel like I’ve seen her before somewhere,” Daisy says, watching the waitress as she walks away. “You know her?”
I shake my head.
“So, not to change the subject, but after you left, your dad went and sat over with his other guests. Which left me alone with Clay.” Daisy’s smile is what my mother would have called a “cat in the cream” smile.
I wonder if Clay and Daisy hit it off. And that thought fast-forwards my brain through the PG dinner party and straight to my very X-rated experience with Gunner between my legs all night. I try to focus my mind and Daisy gives a little huff across the table. “Uh huh,” I say.
“Are you even listening?” she asks.
“Sorry, Daisy. I’m so damn tired. But, yes, I’m all ears. You and Clay.”
“Right. So after your dad stepped aside, and Clay and I really got to talking...well, let’s just say you aren’t the only one who didn’t sleep in their own bed last night.”
“What?” My mouth drops open. “You went home with him?”
Daisy nods, a huge, dreamy smile on her face. “I didn’t f*ck him, I swear. But good god, did I want to. He’s amazing, Harlow. He’s polite and funny, and the things that boy could do with his mouth—” Daisy starts to dramatically fan herself with her menu.
“So, really you should be thanking me for bailing last night.”
“I guess so,” Daisy laughs. “Fine, you’re forgiven.”
“I’m glad you had a good time. And I am really sorry. He just showed up and I didn’t think before running out to see him. We left together and it just happened really fast. I’m sorry for leaving you to deal with my dad.”
“It’s fine.” Daisy falls back in her chair and gives a little contented sigh. “Clay’s tongue more than made up for your irresponsibility.”
“Two water’s and a coffee.” The waitress reappears and sets our drinks down.
“Thanks. So, where did you and Gunner run off to this time?” Daisy asks.
“Are you girls ready to order, or—I’m sorry, did you say Gunner?” The waitress asks. My eyes snap up and settle on her nametag.
Rochelle. I run the name through my memory, but come up empty. I can’t think of how she’d know Gunner and me.
I nod slowly, cautiously.
“Do you know him?” Daisy asks, and I’m so glad to have my best friend here with me. Daisy will jump in and get right to the point in situations that make me want to run and hide until everything blows over.
The waitress pops a hip and narrows her eyes at me. “Gunner Hunt? Owns the bar over on twelfth?”
“Owns?” Daisy asks, looking to me for confirmation. My brain is spinning fast, and all I can do is shake my head. I realize I have no clue what the truth is. “Well, well,” Daisy says, and her tone implies a whole hell of a lot more.
“Gunner Hunt, yes,” I confirm, my hands shaking hard.
“How do you know him?” Waitress Rochelle asks.
“ I—” I stripped for him, sucked his dick, got cuffed to his bed, and then made love to him last night, that’s how.
“We’re old friends of his,” Daisy interrupts.
Rochelle taps her pen on her notepad, her gorgeous mouth twisted into a scowl. “Gunner doesn’t really have many friends. We sort of keep to ourselves.”
“We?” I think I stop breathing.
“Yeah, I’m his girlfriend. Actually, I’ll be his fiancée, soon as I can get him down to the jewelry store. He keeps those crazy hours, you know. Running the bar and upkeep on that big ass house he bought.”
I’ve definitely stopped breathing. Darkness cuts in in my peripheral vision. Don’t pass out. Don’t pass out. I concentrate on a smudge on my knife, transforming the mark on it into a Rorschach Test, every image a broken heart. A sign of pain. Blink. Handcuffs, chaining me to the sadness.
“Right,” I hear Daisy say, but her voice sounds like it’s coming down a long tunnel. “Well that’s great, isn’t it?”
Blink. Rain clouds. Drowning me. I refocus. Gunner staring inside my soul before he rips it out. Laughing. All I can think about is him whispering in my ear last night that he’d never love anyone but me. How he’d do anything to protect me.
“Harlow?” Daisy’s voice is loud and falsely cheerful. “That’s great news, right?”
“Oh, yeah, congratulations.” My voice quivers like a nitwit’s.
“Harlow?” Rochelle says, spitting venom over the two syllables.
“F*ck,” Daisy mutters under her breath, realizing her mistake. If Rochelle is basically engaged to Gunner, she knows.
“So, you’re the slut that has her name inked on my man? I figured if I ever met you, I’d understand.” She looks me up and down, her expression cool and disgusted. “I don’t.”
“Okay, well, we’re going to go,” Daisy says, pulling her purse off of the back of her chair and tossing down a twenty. “Keep the change.”
“Hang on.” Rochelle leans against the table and dares me to break eye contact with her. I’ve never been in a physical fight, and I don’t want to be, but something tells me Rochelle is no stranger to a little violence when she doesn’t get her way. “Gunner left early the other night from work. Then last night, I couldn’t get ahold of him, even went by the house and he wouldn’t answer the door. His bike was out front, though.”
I swallow hard. Could she really have been there, banging on the door and neither Gunner nor I heard? If so, did she hear my pleasure-filled screams as he nipped at my breasts? Did she hear Gunner beg me not to move and to let him fall asleep with his dick buried deep inside me?
More than that, did he say and do those same things to her?
No.
I don’t believe it. I don’t believe this girl is anything to Gunner.
“I don’t—”
“Come on, Harlow, you don’t owe this skank any explanation,” Daisy says.
I reach under the table and grab my purse.
“Your friend is right, Harlow Mills. You don’t owe me anything. But I bet your daddy would love to know how you’re spending your time. I bet he’d love to hear that while he’s wasting money buying you things like that, you’re off f*cking the town loser.”
My temper flares. “Gunner’s not a loser. You should know that if you want him so bad.”
Rochelle grins and the way her eyes gleam lets me know she’s well aware she’s sticking a knife in my heart and twisting for good measure.
“Gunner and I have an understanding. We’re alike. We make sense. We fit. In every way that you’ll never be able to with him. That’s why he ditched your ass years ago, and that’s why he’ll do it again.”
“Okay, that’s enough.” Daisy tugs on my arm.
“And just to make sure he tires of you sooner rather than later, maybe I need to go pay a visit to Mr. Mills. Fill him in on what his little angel considers extracurricular.”
“Stay away from my dad,” I say. I’m shaking. I want to punch her in the mouth. I want to pull out my earrings and fight dirty like those girls on those stupid MTV reality shows. Gunner is worth it.
“Seriously, Harlow. She’s a rabid beast. Let’s go,” Daisy says.
“Hope to not see you around, Harlow,” Rochelle calls after us. “And thanks for the tip!”
We hurry out to the car and I listen to Daisy mutter about ‘cunt punting’ Rochelle as we slide into our seats. Daisy is preoccupied with her anger, and I can’t help but wonder if the Gunner of last night is the man I can trust, or if I’m letting my three-year-old memory of him take over. Because the memories are still so strong, they rip at me.
“Gunner!” I ran to the window and helped pull him in. “What are you doing here?” It was after our fourth date. The first night, he’d driven back after I handed him that napkin with my number on it and we spent the evening lying on a spread out blanket, passing a bottle of cheap white wine back and forth, as he pointed out the constellations and we searched for a shooting star.
Our second date he took me to get ribs at some tiny hole in the wall I’d zoomed by a million times, but never stopped twice to go in. The food was delicious, and we talked about everything and anything that popped into our minds.
Our third date was an accident. He called on the anniversary of my mama’s death. I was holed up in my room, shades drawn, lying on my side with my knees tucked to my chest the way I had every single year since she’d gone. I knew my daddy was drunk off a whole bottle of scotch in his office, staring at their wedding picture. When Gunner called, I almost didn’t answer, but something made me pick up. He heard my voice and demanded to know what was wrong. When I told him, he asked me mama’s favorite flowers and hung up. I went back to staring at the wall until he tapped the window, a bouquet of yellow roses and one of daisies clutched in his hands. He took me to the cemetery and we laid flowers on our mamas’ graves. I thought it would be the saddest day ever, but it made me feel better. Gunner pointed out that our mamas would never want to look down from Heaven and see us wallowing in our sorrow.
Our fourth date we made out in the back of his pickup on a blanket he spread out. I thought for sure we were going to have sex, but when he found out I was a virgin, he stopped cold and took me right home. I was nervous he’d never come by again and cursed my damn virginity for the first time.
But then he came to the window with an excited grin that was hard to pull out of him, but so gorgeous to see. “I’ve got a surprise for you, baby. Come on and see.”
“Okay.” I could never say no, so I crept down the steps and out the door, loving the cool night air on my skin and Gunners arm around my shoulders.
We stopped at a small horse farm, and Gunner jumped the gate. “I know you always wanted that pony. I promise to get one just for you to keep one day, but right now I can get you a night of riding. Ever ride at night?”
I shook my head, my breath held, as he led me to a gorgeous white mare. “Hop up there.” He kept a tight hold on me as he settled me on the saddle and showed me the basics.
He got on a brown mustang and we took off, slowly, on the paths dappled with moonlight, the breeze soft on our faces. When I was more comfortable, Gunner helped me pick up the pace and race through a pasture, letting me win. I had never felt so alive except when I danced. I loved every part of it.
But the best part was after we took the horses back and he took me to the place where he’d found a little hunting cabin in the woods. It was neat and clean, and he laid a blanket from his truck over the bed so we could sleep.
“Tonight felt like magic,” I whispered as he held me tight in his arms.
“Sure did,” he murmured, kissing my neck and holding me tighter.
I turned in his arms. “Gunner?”
“Hmm?” He opened his sleepy green eyes.
“I want you to be my first.” I said the words quietly, but they had him sitting up fast.
“That wasn’t what I had in mind tonight, Harlow. Not at all. I did this to see the smile on your face, not for any other reason.” He ran a thumb over my cheek.
“I know that. I do.” I bit my lip, nervous. “But I want you. I want this.” I pulled my shirt over my head and started to unbuckle my jeans.
“Harlow,” he said, his eyes raking over my body as I let my bra fall away and put my hands on the waistband of my panties. “Are you sure?” He put one shaking hand out, but didn’t touch me.
“I’m positive. I want you. I’ve never wanted to be with anyone before. I want you. Please?” The minute that word fell from my lips, he gave a moan and rolled me under him.
It was all slow and sweet. I pulled his shirt off and pushed his jeans down. He took his time dragging my panties down my legs, and I gasped when his mouth hovered between my thighs.
“Anyone ever licked you here?” he asked, his voice rough. I shook my head. “Good. I’m gonna do it right now.”
His tongue slid against my skin with slow, perfect strokes. I gasped and pressed into him. Gunner only stopped to let me know how good I tasted, how beautiful I was, how crazy I drove him. And then there was this crazy shaking low in me that spread out and radiated warmth through my entire body. I shook against the thin mattress and Gunner’s mouth left my * and kissed up to my breasts, where he stopped and sucked until I was panting hard. He kissed my mouth, licking deep and sweet.
“Are you ready for me, sweetheart? This might hurt for a second.”
I tensed and nodded. I heard Gunner get a condom from his jeans pocket, roll it on, and fit himself against my opening, then push, slowly. It took a second to adjust to his size. It wasn’t so much pain as a tight discomfort.
“You okay, baby?” he asked. I nodded again. “Goddamn, you’re so tight.” He grimaced, his jaw tight as he pushed harder, driving deep into me.
It was an explosion of pain and pleasure, and I went stiff waiting for it to ease. “Damn, so wet,” he whispered, pulling back and pressing again. And again. Soon the pain and tightness was replaced by this amazing feeling of fullness that I never wanted to lose.
I put my fingers on his hips. “More?” I gasped.
“Holy hell, baby. Let me take it slow for your first time,” he begged.
“Just a little more?” I whimpered.
He took my hand, lacing his fingers through mine, and kissed it. “Fine. But we keep it slow.” He got up on his knees, used his hands to spread my thighs, and pressed deeper. I cried out and his hands went to my breasts. “You’re killing me, Harlow.”
I reached back, pulling at his tight ass, trying to get him in as deep as possible. “Please, more. More, Gunner!”
He told me we’d take it slow, but it got faster. I got wetter. And then I bucked up, back arched, mouth open, and screamed my orgasm. He let out a long groan and came into me a few seconds later.
We lay on the bed, panting, arms locked around each other, and I felt the glow of my new womanhood. I had lost my virginity with Gunner Hunt, and I could not have been happier.
Little did I know my happiness would be so short lived.
***
“Are we going to talk about what happened back there, or pretend it didn’t happen at all?” Daisy asks as she tosses her keys onto the counter.
“Hmm mmm,” I mumble.
“Harlow. Don’t go all catatonic on me. What the hell was that? Did you know he owned that bar? And a house?!” Daisy’s pretty face is like an open book, and I’m ashamed of the pity I see all over it. She feels bad for me.
Because I’m an idiot, and I walked right into a trick with my eyes squeezed shut because I didn’t want to see the truth that was staring at me.
“And has a fiancée?” I cut to the important part.
“Almost fiancée,” Daisy qualifies. “They aren’t engaged yet. Anyway, maybe this is a good thing.”
I stare back at my best friend, feeling like she’s betraying me too. “How is this even remotely good?”
Daisy kicks her shoes off and flops down onto the sofa. “I don’t know. Maybe you can finally move on. Let go of Gunner, you know?”
“He told me last night that he still loves me.” I sit on the opposite side of the sofa, and pull an overstuffed pillow into my lap.
“Oh, Harlow. Guys are dicks, you know this.” She whacks the pillow next to her with such a hard punch, I half expect it to explode in a cloud of feathers. “You didn’t deserve to find out the truth this way, that’s for sure.”
I blink hard and fast to keep the tears at bay. “I don’t even know what the truth is anymore. I was so sure that last night was real.”
“Well, Rochelle seemed pretty secure in her version,” Daisy says in a dry voice.
“I need to go talk to Gunner.” I start to get up from the couch, but Daisy grabs me by the forearm, her eyes begging me not to go.
“I think that’s a really terrible idea. Just let it digest for a while before you go stomping over there. If you go running to him now, you’re just going to further piss of the future Mrs. Hunt.”
I shoot daggers at Daisy with my eyes.
“Sorry,” she says, and clears her throat. “It was funny in my head. Anyway, you don’t want her going to your dad, Harlow. You’re trying to convince your pops that you’re responsible enough to move to New York City. You think if he finds out you’re fooling around with Gunner that’ll help your cause?”
“Gunner is worth it.”
Even knowing everything I know now, I still believe that right to the center of my heart.
Daisy shakes her head at me like I’m a child. “Only if he’s not currently engaged to someone else. Don’t risk everything for him. Not when you aren’t even sure what the hell is going on with him, for real.”
“There’s just got to be more to this. I don’t believe last night was some sort of trick. I can’t.”
“I hope you’re right, Harlow. I honestly do. But he did try to warn you from the start that it was just sex.”
“Please don’t make me feel even more stupid than I already do, Daisy. I’m telling you, last night was different. He was the old Gunner, the real one.” In the middle of all this chaos and heartbreak, that is the one thing I’m going to hold onto. What we did, what we felt last night? No one is that good at hiding their true feelings: not even Gunner Hunt.
“Okay. I hear you. You’ll sort it out with him then. But you’re playing by the three-day-rule, kid.”
The three day rule is something Daisy and I came up with in response to the archaic rule that men abide by, not calling a girl for three days. Daisy and I have always abided by our own version. When a guy pisses you off, you give it three days before you contact him, or answer any of his calls.
I sigh, feeling sick and defeated. “Fine. Three days.”