Trial by Fire

“Did you bathe because you were covered in blood?” she asked. Rowan nodded grimly and met her eyes. She had to look away, down at his chest where her hand had come to rest over his heart. “You’re all scratched and bruised.”


“I’ll be fine. But you’re exhausted and you need energy.” Rowan stood and went to the pantry, returning with the jar of blueberry preserves. “Told you it was a good idea to save the jam,” he said, a smile creeping onto his face.

“Jam,” Lily repeated, the word flying out of her, halfway between a laugh and a sob.




Lily dreamed she was a man.

Her dreaming self didn’t think it was strange at all to look down and see a flat, firm chest. Her hands were large, and she could feel the difference in their heft as she walked down the hallway of Salem High. She was tall, and her center of balance was higher to compensate for her thick shoulders and her narrower hips. She felt strong and healthy. She liked this body. It had smooth, caramel-colored skin that she wanted to explore.

Lily woke alone.

“Rowan?” she called out into the cold light of early morning. The smoky air smelled like burned hair and sizzling grease. She swallowed down a wave of nausea at the thought of all the burning bodies outside and got out of bed.

The cabin was too small to require a search. As soon as her eyes opened, she knew he wasn’t there. At some point, he’d replaced the knocked-down door with a flap made of the same material as the rebel tents, but it didn’t do much to keep the cold out. Lily stood in the middle of the frigid cabin, feeling raw and damaged. She really wanted her sister, but she didn’t dare try to reach her with mindspeak. The last time she did that, she’d put Juliet in danger.

“Rowan?” she called again shakily.

She heard a noise outside and the flap raised. Rowan ducked under it quickly and placed a rock on top of the bottom edge to keep out the smoke as best as he could. He was wearing a piece of cloth tied around his nose and mouth and carried a large bucket of water. His jacket was dusted with ash. Watching his wide shoulders tip around the flap as he entered the room, Lily was taken by the sudden urge to run to him, but when he looked up at her, she couldn’t meet his gaze. She felt strange and empty inside. Like she’d given him too much of herself the night before and didn’t have enough self left over for her.

Rowan put the bucket near the fire and pulled his mask down until it rested under his chin. His dark eyes darted around. Lily realized that he was having as much trouble looking at her as she was having looking at him. He motioned to the water with one hand and rubbed the back of his neck absently with the other.

“So you can wash up. Are you hungry?” he asked. Lily shook her head. “We can’t stay here. The smoke out there can be seen for miles around. And you used up a lot of salt last night.”

Lily nodded, aware that she was craving salt like crazy. “Are we going back to Salem?”

“We have to.”

“Do you think it’ll be safe?”

“It’s been a few days since the raid. And your hair is so different.” He looked away. “I think I can sneak you in after dark.”

“Okay.”

Rowan turned to leave but stopped by the entrance. “Listen. I know you weren’t ready for that. I wasn’t either. I never meant to do that with you.” He glanced at her, his eyes wide and uncertain. He shrugged, running out of words.