Toxic

Chapter Fifty-One
Death and love are the only two things that exist in this world that are strong enough to alter the course of your life, of your destiny. They either propel you or paralyze you. In the end, the choice is always yours. —Wes M.
Gabe
The funeral was over with before I even realized it started. I got up to say a few words and almost cracked. Then Saylor smiled.
And I was able to finish the eulogy.
I sang her song.
It was bittersweet. When I’d written her that song it had been during a time in my life when things were still so innocent. When she was still Kimmy to me, when I thought I would spend the rest of my existence in her arms.
If there was anything I learned in this situation it was that we weren’t promised anything. All we had was moments strung together. Each one is over in a blink of an eye. I’d understood this to an extent when Wes went through his surgery. God, I’d been so bitter about that. So angry because it hit so close to home. Because I’d known I was doing a crappy job of pushing away my demons.
But now? Now I just wanted to do right.
And doing right started with Saylor.
“Hey,” Saylor walked up and gave me a hug. We walked hand in hand out of the church. Oddly enough reporters had respected my wishes and laid off a bit. There were still cameras but the buzz felt different, as if they were mourning right along with me.
“You wanna go somewhere with me?” I asked.
Saylor shrugged. “Are you sure you’re up for it?”
“Yeah.” I nodded, feeling the corners of my mouth turn up in a smile. “I really am.”
“‘Kay.” She squeezed my hand.
We said our goodbyes to Lisa, Wes, and Kiersten, and drove in silence down I5.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“It’s a surprise.” I laughed. I actually laughed. Damn, it felt good. My hands were sweaty as I gripped the steering wheel and drove into downtown.
It was crowded for a Wednesday afternoon.
Saylor was silent as I parked as close to Pike Place Market as I could.
“Come on.” I laughed again and slammed the door. A smile formed at her lips as she grabbed my hand and giggled a bit.
My heart hammered in my chest as we ran down the streets. What started as brisk walking turned into a full out run. I had no idea why. It just felt — necessary.
Once we reached the bottom of the hill right in front of Pike’s Market. I held up my hand and went over to the spot.
“Fish.” I pointed to the sign. “Our first date was fish.”
Saylor burst out laughing. “So are you saying every date from here on out is going to involve fish?”
“Only the important ones.” I winked and went up to the guys working the seafood for the morning. “I need salmon, a big-assed salmon.”
The guy nodded. “Alright, you ready for it?”
“Oh…” I held up my hands. “I’m not catching it. She is.” I pointed to Saylor.
She gaped. “What if I drop dinner?” She held up her hands.
“Chill, Nemo’s not alive.” I winked. “Better get ready, Saylor, becauase they throw hard.”
The guys started counting. “One—”
“Ahhh!” Saylor clapped her hands and gave me a panicked look.
“Two!” I joined in.
“Oh, my gosh!”
“Three!” The man threw the fish.
Screaming, Saylor closed her eyes but still managed to catch the giant fish.
Cheers erupted from the crowd as Saylor lifted the fish in triumph. “I did it!”
“I knew you could.” I kissed her temple.
“Are we really eating all this fish?”
“Maybe not all of it.” I shrugged and offered a wink. “Unless you’ve suddenly developed the appetite of an NFL lineman.”
“Hey!” Saylor nudged me with her body. “You said you’d love me regardless…”
“Truth.” I nodded and pointed at her. “That’s the truth.”
“So the fish?” She lifted it in the air.
“Oh no, you can keep it.” I patted her head in teasing. “We’re going to cook it tonight, and I’m going to make good on my promise to strike out the very last tear.”
“How do you expect to do that?” Saylor’s shoulders lifted. “By feeding me?”
“You’ll see.” I rubbed my hands together. “Now, let me go pay for Nemo before we go back home.”
“Your car’s going to smell!” she called after me.
“So will your hands!” I fired back.
Her eyes narrowed.
By the time I paid for the fish and helped her carry it up the hill and place it in the car, my stomach was already growling for food.
“Hey, you do know how to cook salmon, right?” Saylor asked once we walked into the house that I was hoping, praying, she’d still want me after I said what I was going to say.
“What?” I dropped my keys onto the counter. “You mean, you can’t cook?” I threw my hands up in the air. “How can you even call yourself a woman? What have I gotten myself into! I’m going to starve!”
Saylor crossed her arms over her chest. “You done yet?”
“Make me food, woman.”
“So here’s the line.” Saylor made a motion with her hands. “You just jumped over it then burnt the village on the other side.”
“Aw…” I winked. “I can cook, but I am bit sad I won’t get to see you in some apron, sweating over the stove looking all hot and bothered.”
“Because cooking does that to women.” Saylor nodded. “We also have pillow fights in our thongs and look forward to doing laundry.”
Laughter bubbled out of me before I could stop it.
She hit me again.
“Stop hitting me.” I stepped away. “And be useful.”
“Useful?” she repeated, her eyes narrowing again.
“I’m cooking in my boxers.” I shrugged. “So I need you to get me an apron, just in case Nemo decides to come back to life and tries to nibble off Gabe Jr.”
Saylor closed her eyes, then opened them. “So many, many, things…” She opened five drawers before she found the apron. “…wrong with you.”
Keeping my eyes locked with hers and feeling no shame whatsoever, I peeled off my button up and stepped out of my pants.
Saylor’s mouth dropped open a bit.
“You were saying?”
“Stop flexing.”
“I’m not.”
“Damn it!” She stomped her foot.
“Apron?” I held out my hand, palm up and waited.
Saylor’s eyes ate me alive as she examined me from head to toe. “No.” She hid the apron behind her back. “I think you should take your chances with Nemo. Prove you’re a man and all that.”
“Wow.” I teased. “I didn’t know it was up for questioning.”
“What?” her head jerked up.
“My manhood.” I grinned. Saylor’s cheeks went bright red. “You know I could always cook naked.”
She swallowed… slowly. “Oh?”
“Keep your pants on.” I winked. “I kind of want to savor the moment when I’m with you for the first time, and I really don’t want you to be covered in fish.”
She exhaled a long breath as her eyes once again greedily took me in from head to toe.
“Now, honey… I could go for some honey dripped all over your body.” I stalked toward her. “Or maybe even some chocolate.” Leaning in, almost touching her, I nipped at her lower lip. “Right here.” I traced the line of her face and then moved my finger down her neck to her chest. “Or some whipped cream, right here.” I licked the hollow valley between her breasts and sighed happily.
“I forgot.” Her chest heaved.
“What?”
“How dangerous you are,” she breathed.
“And now?” My mouth sucked the skin just below her left ear. I moved up until my lips tugged at her ear. “Now what?”
“What?” She arched toward me. “I forgot the question.”
“Fish,” I whispered in her ear. “We have to cook the fish, and then — maybe — I’ll show you what I mean.” I stepped away from her body, feeling cold, wishing I could just press against her and stay there forever. But fish. I had fish to cook.
“Gabe—” She groaned. “Come back.”
“Nope. Gotta feed.” I stepped away farther and started getting busy with the food.
“Does it bother you?” She handed me the apron. I pulled it over my head and paused.
“Being shirtless? No.”
Saylor sighed and leaned against the counter top. “Not that. I still call you Gabe.”
I thought about it for a minute and answered. “Say, you met me as Gabe. All you know is Gabe. To you, I’m Gabe… so what if to the rest of the world I’m still Ashton? We’re the same person, and both Gabe and Ashton are in love with you.”
“That sounds like you have multiple personalities.” She teased, tugging the un-tied apron strings back so that I was plastered against her.
“I gotta admit, I kind like the idea that you’ll have a variety of names to choose from when I make you scream.”
Saylor’s face flamed red.
“Don’t worry.” I kissed her mouth. “We eat first.”
“And then?” Her voice wavered.
“And then…” I shrugged. “Forever. We have until forever.”