“So please, Penni,” he continued, killing her with his face, slaying her with his words. “Don’t act like there isn’t something between us. Don’t act like you don’t care about me.”
“Of course I care about you, Dan.” I love you. “I think you’re…” She shook her head. “I think you’re wonderful.”
A warm smile spread across his face. Some of the tension in his broad shoulders loosened. “But, please, I don’t want to talk about this right now.” I can’t think straight when I’m with you. And I need to think straight. Or else I’ll let you convince me of something I know can’t possibly be true. “I’m tired. And these last couple of days have been hell. The stress and adrenaline can’t have been good for the baby.”
When she said the word, his eyes pinged down to her belly and softened. Seeing that look on his face filled her with both joy and sorrow. Joy because she knew, even though he hadn’t come right out and said so, that he’d love and welcome the child they’d made together. Sorrow because she also knew that eventually, if she gave him space and time, he would come to realize what she had. That he’d been looking at his feelings for her through the rose-colored glasses of new healing. “I just want to hop in a taxi, catch the first flight back to DC, and sleep for a week,” she finished.
“But—”
“After that, we can talk,” she said, bending to grab her purse. She could feel it. She was moving closer to the edge. She had to get away. Now. But first she needed to make something abundantly clear. “You can be as much a part of this child’s life as you want to be,” she told him, pressing a hand to her belly, to the tiny, almost infinitesimal pooch that heralded the presence of the beautiful life quickening in her womb.
“I want to be a father,” Dan said, his nostrils flaring. Were those tears standing in his eyes? Oh, sweet Lord! She couldn’t stand it. Her own eyes filled. “I want to be in this baby’s life in every way.”
“Good.” She nodded, biting the inside of her cheek hard. Her chest ached. She felt like a coward, but she had to leave. She really, really had to leave! “I’m so happy to hear that.”
“Penni…” He reached for her again.
“No, Dan.” She stepped back. “I told you I need some space. And whether you want to admit it to yourself or not, so do you. Space to work out what you’re really feeling. Space to decide what you really want.”
He dropped his hand, fisting it. A muscle was ticking in his jaw. “Fine,” he finally spat. His temper was flaring. She could see the fire of it in his eyes. Good. Temper was far better than tears. Temper didn’t make her want to die. “But know this,” he said, his voice low and gravelly. “Whether you wanna believe it or not, I am falling in love with you. And I’m not mistaking it for something else because I want it to be something else. I’ve been in love before. I know what it is. I know what it feels like.
“And whether my wonderful wife died two years ago or twenty years ago wouldn’t make a difference. I’d still be mourning her. Forever. I loved her and that’s the way it works when you love someone. You never stop mourning them. But, Penni, when I saw your face for the first time in Kuala Lumpur, I knew I’d been missing it my whole life.”
Christ! “Please, Dan,” she begged him. He had to stop. She couldn’t take it.
“So here’s how this is gonna work,” he went on as if she hadn’t spoken, and she could see that the mad was full on him now. She imagined if she squinted she’d see steam puffing out of his ears. “I’m gonna let you go tonight. ’Cause you asked me to, and ’cause I believe you when you say you need space. But I’m gonna call you every Tuesday and Friday night at nine p.m. sharp and I’m gonna remind you of what I’ve said here this evening, remind you of what I feel for you and remind you that I wanna be with you.
“And for every ultrasound, I’m gonna fly to New York or DC or wherever it is you’re living at the time. And I’m gonna be there when this baby comes. And during all that, through all that I’m gonna prove to you that this thing I’m feeling is real. And then I’m gonna make you fall in love with me too.”
Chapter Twenty-three
Black Knights Inc., Third Floor
Four weeks later
“So?” Ozzie asked, plopping himself beside Dan on the sofa in the television room. Ozzie had traded his crutches for a rather dapper cane—and kept threatening everyone at BKI that he was going to start wearing a top hat too—but his leg was still encased in a thick brace. After propping his foot up on the coffee table, he pulled a bottle of ginger ale from the pocket of his T-shirt and handed it to Dan. Then he hauled out the bottle of Honker’s Ale he’d stowed in his waistband and popped the top. “How did the ultrasound go?” he asked. “Are we talking a tallywhacker or a vajayjay?”