The Wolf's Surrender

CHAPTER 11



Jeff? Are you listening?

Her voice. Jeff winced in pain, turning his head to rest it against the cool comfort of the wall. At first, he thought he was imagining her. But his senses filled with her scent, swirling around him until he felt surrounded by her.

“Mia,” he murmured aloud. So beautiful. But he’d lost her. And now, she hid from him. He had provoked her fear and loathing...he hadn’t meant to hurt her, didn’t she see? He had no choices anymore.

Jeff...where are you? I can’t see you. It’s so dark...

Of course it was dark, he could have told her. It was always dark inside of him. The darkness colored everything he saw now.

I didn’t want to hurt you, Mia, he thought, knowing she could hear him. Don’t hate me...please...your blood is the only way out, and the shadows are all around me, filling me...

Of course I don’t hate you, she said, her voice soothing. Just tell me where you are. I’ll come to you. I’ll help you stop this, help you get better. Whatever they’ve offered you, it’s not worth losing yourself like this.

It was too easy. Too tempting. He knew she was lying about helping him, no matter how much he wanted to believe it. It was those Blackpaw she was with, helping her mess with his head. Teaching her to hate what she didn’t understand. Wolves were as bad as humans that way. They’d let themselves become too human.

No, he replied sadly. I have to finish what I started. That’s how it has to be. I love you, Mia. I’ll find you. It will be quick, painless. I promise...

Please, tell me where you are, Mia pleaded, her voice echoing loudly in his head, so soft and warm, a comfort in the dark cold of his mind. He was starting to come apart again. He knew it. But if he could just hang on a night, perhaps two, it would all be better.

I need to find you. I miss you. I want you to get better. Why are you doing this?

Her words shot straight through what was left of his heart. Jeff gasped, in pain, in wonder. He wanted it to be true, so badly. There was no way he could take the chance now, of course. He could not change course. The shadows would kill him. Still, had any woman ever said such a thing to him?

I miss you, too, Mia. I’m sorry it has to be this way. But look, see what’s coming...how could anyone resist this?

He opened his mind, and let her see his beautiful dream. They would soon share it.

Together.

* * *

Mia gasped as she surfaced from the nightmarish visions she’d fallen into.

It took precious seconds to center herself, to remember where she was. But when she did, the relief was overwhelming. This was Bane’s house. Jenner had brought her here. He’d promised to keep her safe...but she hadn’t understood just what Bane would ask of her, or how it would feel.

As though he could sense her thoughts, Jenner quickly put his hands on her, and Mia gulped in fresh air, hoping it would quell her rolling stomach before she retched. Her nose was still full of the scents of blood, and smoke, and burning. And every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was a whirling dance of shadows with gleaming eyes. But Jenner was here, watching over her. Just as he’d promised earlier, when they’d laughed over a silly video game and all of this had seemed surprisingly far away. Jenner’s presence was as strong as ever, and Mia used that to pull herself back.

As the blackness receded from her vision and she came around, she realized Jenner’s hands had been joined by another’s.

Jenner was on one side. And Kenyon, who had been allowed to stay in the room at his Alpha’s insistence, was on the other.

Mia sat up straighter in the large recliner she’d been settled in, pulling away from both of them. She shook from a cold that seemed to have permeated down to her very bones. It felt as though she would never be warm again.

“What happened?” Tomas, the Alpha of the Silverback, had shot to his feet from the small stool he’d positioned near her. Being the center of attention was unfamiliar, and incredibly unnerving. It was worse, however, when a powerful man she’d never met in her life had decided to try and run the show.

Mia wasn’t yet sure what to think of Tomas. The compact, bullish man was in his fifties, with a ring of brown hair on his head and a ruddy complexion. He seemed to think a lot more of himself than any of the Blackpaw thought of him, but he knew his power, and he didn’t seem to mind throwing his weight around. She wasn’t sure he was bad-tempered, but he was certainly intimidating.

Bane, who she had decided gave new meaning to the phrase “grace under fire,” took up a position right beside Tomas. She was glad not to have only those dark, glittering brown eyes to focus on.

“What did you see, Mia?” he asked. “Tell us everything.”

She did, in a shaking voice that grew stronger as she related the experience. The chills ebbed, but slowly, and although Jenner and Kenyon had retreated just a few paces away, she could tell that either of them would have been happy to warm her. The problem was, while she appreciated Kenyon’s efforts at playing the potential suitor, all she wanted was Jenner. And since even a fool could see it was going to create problems if she reached out only to him, she decided to suffer the misery by herself. Still shivering a little, Mia spoke about Jeff’s message to her.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Mia said. “It was already dark where I was, but these things were darker. Red eyes, like the last time we linked up this way. And I could tell they were hungry...waiting for something. Jeff is insane, and that’s scary enough, but these were much worse. I don’t know if they’re figments of his imagination, or if they’re...more. But he was very excited to show them to me.”

She broke out in fresh gooseflesh at the thought of it. “They were pulling me down, under. It felt like I was drowning.”

“Son of a bitch,” Tomas snapped. His vehemence seemed to surprise everyone.

“What?” Mia asked.

“Jeff was always much too interested in the darker places. I think it’s pretty obvious that whether these...shadows...are figments of his imagination or not, we have a problem on our hands. If it hasn’t already, it’s almost certainly going to draw—” All of a sudden, he seemed to remember that Mia was sitting there listening. His eyes snapped to her before returning to Bane. “I’d prefer to talk about this privately. This is business for pack leadership, no one else.”

Mia glowered. “Since I’m the one whose brain is connected to his, I’d say it concerns me even more than it does you. I’m staying.”

She saw Tomas bristle, and could swear his lip started to curl. But then, she shouldn’t be surprised. He’d done the same thing when he’d first laid eyes on her. Mia couldn’t quite figure where the animosity came from, except that it seemed very obvious, from the little he’d said before starting, that he placed a lot of value on werewolf lineage.

Lineage which neither she, nor most of the Blackpaw, had.

“I’m staying,” Mia repeated, more calmly now. “I’ll be a wolf soon enough, from what they tell me.”

Tomas’s smile was knifelike. “No. You haven’t even been through a change yet, have you? You don’t know much about our world yet, either. You’ll have to entrust this to those of us who know how to deal with these things.”

Mia saw Jenner’s eyes begin to glow, and even Kenyon looked displeased. If Tomas was deliberately trying to incite a fight by being an arrogant a*shole, he was doing a fine job of it.

“I agree with Mia, Tomas,” Jenner growled. “She should stay. Jeff Gaines wants her. Only her. He tried to open her up with a ritual knife once already.”

The other wolves looked startled. Jenner nodded.

“Yeah, that’s the kind of pertinent information you get when you move forward on the assumption that the victim is not an idiot. She needs to know what’s going on. All of it. Because she’s the one who’s ultimately going to draw him here.”

Mia looked at him gratefully. She wasn’t interested in sitting here and getting steamrolled much longer. It was nice to have some backup, because it was obvious Tomas had no interest in listening to her.

“I already know what the Shadowkin are,” she explained. “And why they want me. Jenner told me when he started to piece together what Jeff was trying to do. I know he thinks he can use me to pull them here, physically. I’ll do whatever I can to stop him—it’s my life—but I insist on being kept in the loop. I can handle it.”

Tomas slid his gaze to Jenner, letting all of his displeasure show. “Nick Jenner. Still fixing cars and chasing shadows, huh? I hear that mechanic gave you his shop and skipped town after you killed his daughter. I’m going to guess it wasn’t your charm that convinced him.” He turned to Bane, jerking his head back at Jenner. “We haven’t kept a Lunari in over a hundred years. The brute strength required for the position came with too little sense most of the time. You might want to think about how wise it is to share power with a man who’d tell a human he’s just met about the Shadowkin.” He eyed Mia with a look she didn’t like at all. “Well, mostly human. Though dark fae blood isn’t something I’d go bragging about.”

Mia sucked in a breath. She saw Bane, his eyes flashing, give Jenner a nearly imperceptible head shake. Jenner, rather than punching Tomas in the face—which Mia thought he would have deserved—came to stand right behind her. He rested his hands lightly on her shoulders, a subtle sign of support...or was it possession?

It was designed to irritate Tomas, she supposed, and from the way his nostrils flared, it did the trick.

Happy to participate, Mia slid a hand up to cover one of Jenner’s.

“Mia didn’t ask for any of this, and she’s worth as much as any Silverback. More. I stand by my decision,” Jenner growled. “You’re on very thin ice, Tomas. This is not your territory. And here, whether you like it or not, I’m your equal.”

Jenner’s words went a long way toward making up for the blow he’d unwittingly dealt her earlier. And she felt a faint glimmer of hope, foolish though it might be, that he’d say the same even if he knew all of it. How she could hear the songs that blood carried, how she could draw power from the night and hold it in her hands. How she’d be able to do a lot more, if she wasn’t always trying to tuck it all away.

She’d felt a lot of things, but never dangerous. She just worried that if she was exposed, those around her would never see her as anything but. And after what Jenner had said about the Unseelie today, she was never going to risk finding out.

Tomas opened his mouth to reply, and Mia caught the ominous flash of sharp, white teeth before Bane interrupted the brewing fight.

“Blackpaw ways are different than Silverback ways,” Bane said sharply. “Don’t insult my Lunari again, or I’ll have you run out of here with your tails between your legs, the lot of you. I trust Jenner with my life, not that it’s any concern of the Silverbacks’. You said you came to help. So help.”

There was a soft but very audible growl as Tomas collected himself, and Mia wondered whether he’d be able to hold it together. Finally, though, he took a deep breath, straightened and spoke in a surprisingly even tone. Only his eyes showed his still-roiling anger.

“I never thought Jeff was a good fit for the pack,” Tomas began. “He was moody, impulsive. He told Sara Dumont he loved her, and a couple weeks after she initiated him, he broke it off as though it had meant nothing. Manipulative. And even when he challenged me for Alpha, I thought there was more to it. He must have known he couldn’t win, but he always seemed to have ulterior motives for things.”

“So he was disliked?” Mia asked, surprised. “He was pretty charming up until just recently. At least with me.”

Tomas lifted an eyebrow, but he didn’t seem angry.

“No, actually. Despite everything, it was hard not to like him, at least when he was in a good mood. He could be charming. And there was something about him that made people...myself included...feel a little sorry for him. He came from money, but I don’t think his upbringing was very happy.”

“I don’t think so, either. Is that why you let him go?” Mia asked quietly.

Tomas sighed heavily, then nodded. “I made a mistake. His problems were obviously deeper than I suspected. I thought him more troubled and pitiful than really dangerous. I was wrong. But I’ll make right what I can.”

Kenyon nodded, chiming in. “We will. We’ll do right by you where he didn’t, Mia.”

Hearing that was no comfort, not when Jenner’s hands still rested on her shoulders. She didn’t want anything from the Silverback. But she felt more and more how out of her element she was. Normal rules didn’t apply here. And she wasn’t sure, no matter what Jenner said, that her own wants and needs would matter to these creatures.

She leaned back again, glad for the comfort of Jenner’s touch while she could have it. Connecting with Jeff had been like winding through a house of horrors. His madness, his barely restrained violence, and worst of all, the depths of his obsession with finding her seemed to get worse each time. How had a creature like this, so twisted, managed to wear the mask of a normal human being for so long? she wondered. It was hard to remember the man she’d come to this place with, charming, witty, solicitous of her. All she’d wanted to see was the mask, and that he’d wanted her, needed her. That was her fault.

It was a mistake she didn’t intend to make again.

Strange, that being here should make her realize that her own wants and needs had merit, too.

She looked at Bane, a steady, silent presence watching her from across the room.

“He can’t hurt me when we connect this way, right? You’re sure?”

Bane nodded slowly. “I’m sure. But that doesn’t make the experience pleasant.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s unpleasant, as long as it’s useful. Did you see or hear anything more? Some clue as to where he was?” Tomas interjected his questions, impatient for information.

Mia shook her head. She wished she had more for everyone to go on.

“I can’t seem to see anything when I’m with him this way. There’s only darkness, and voices,” Mia explained. And the shrieking of his blood, the dark magic pulsing all around him in waves. Magic she knew she could harness, though nothing good would come of using what surrounded Jeff.

She hadn’t even been tempted, Mia realized with a start. She’d been able to look at it impassively, immune to the lure of the violence of that sort of power. It was the first time she’d gotten that close to such a thing...and the temptation she’d always been told she would feel had never materialized.

Was it the wolf blood in her? Or was it just...her?

Tomas gave a dissatisfied grunt, but Jenner’s voice, surprisingly patient, drew her attention to his face as he crouched down beside her chair. In that instant, he was the man who had led her out of the woods again, strong and competent, in control but not without compassion. And just like that, she was completely focused on him, as though they were the only two people in the room.

“Seeing isn’t as important as you think,” he said. “I know it isn’t fun, but think back over what happened. Did you hear anything? Smell anything? Sometimes that tells us more than our eyes would. It’s part of having the wolf in your nature, and you do now, new though it is. Think, Mia. I’ll bet there was something. Close your eyes and think back.”

Mia sighed, but finally gave a short nod. She let her eyes slip shut, despite her misgivings about it.

With effort, she shook off the thoughts that made her skin crawl and sifted through what had happened with a more analytical eye. And Jenner was right, she realized. There were a few small details like what he’d said. But she didn’t see how they would help anyone.

Mia opened her eyes and looked into Jenner’s steady gold ones. That, and a new awareness of her own strength, gave her the courage to speak up without fear of embarrassment.

“I could hear him pacing on some kind of creaky wood floor,” Mia said. “And wherever he is, it smelled like it had been closed up for a while. A little musty. It was chilly. I could smell the woods.”

Jenner shifted his attention to Bane. “Hunting cabin,” he said. “Bet you anything.”

Bane blew out a breath. “Shit,” he said. “He could be anywhere out in the woods. This is going to be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Still, it’s a start.”

It didn’t make her feel much better, looking at Bane’s handsome face wearing such a disappointed expression. Kenyon’s words, however, made her feel decidedly worse.

“It won’t matter,” he said. “It’s pretty obvious he’s going to make a move on her first. We’re just going to have to be ready for it.” He slid a fulminating look at Jenner. “I still think she should be here, right in town. How can we protect her when she’s only got one guard? She’s a sitting duck out there with you!”

Jenner opened his mouth, but Mia cut him off smoothly. She’d had just about enough of being spoken about as though she wasn’t there, good intentions or no.

“The she in question feels safe where she is,” Mia said. “And what exactly are you saying? That you want to use me as bait?”

Kenyon’s ready smile was gone. He looked older, and decidedly more intimidating when his dimples weren’t in evidence.

“I’m saying you’re bait whether you want to be or not, Mia. That’s not meant as an insult, it’s just the truth. He’s fixated on you. He thinks he needs you to clear the way for the Shadowkin. That’s going to be the thing that draws him out, and the thing that lets us take him down.” He shook his head and looked at Jenner. “A ritual knife? Are you sure?”

“Long curved blade, engraved white handle,” Mia said, answering for herself again. “I wouldn’t have known what to call it, but Jenner knew right away. I’ve got Unseelie blood. He needs it. It’s not that hard to understand.”

She hadn’t meant to say it that way, but it was hard to regret it when she heard Jenner’s appreciative snort and saw Bane’s smirk. Kenyon was nice, but Tomas’s commentary on her heritage had been about enough for one night.

Kenyon, to his credit, managed a smile. “No, it isn’t. And you’re dealing with it better than I think any of us could have expected. Sorry.”

Mia nodded, glad that at least one day the Silverback would have an Alpha who seemed to have both manners and a heart.

“This is all just a damned legend,” Tomas interjected. “Unseelie were nasty creatures, if you believe the stories. Mischievous, self-interested, prone to grudge-holding. Powerful. But I’ve never seen one. No one has. And you’re trying to tell me that they’re going to use some girl with a little tainted blood to open a rift they can get through? Bull.”

Mia’s mouth went as dry as the desert at once. She tried to swallow, and found it difficult. She hadn’t heard the words spoken since her grandmother had died. Tainted blood. I can sense the darkness in you, girl.

But for the first time, she fought back.

“My blood isn’t tainted.” Her voice was unsteady, but clear as a bell. “Not any more than yours is.”

Tomas’s eyes narrowed. “You have a lot to learn, if that’s what you think.”

The feel of Jenner’s hand on her arm again surprised her. But she welcomed the solid warmth of it, and the support it represented.

“She’s no different than any of us,” he said. “And she’s safe with me.”

His words, simple, reassuring, were enough in that moment to soothe her. Tomas, however, exchanged an unpleasant look with Kenyon.

“Obviously, you’re doing fine. But I think it might be a good idea to get her used to us before she joins us.”

The words hit her like a steamroller.

“I’m sorry,” Mia said. “What?”

Tomas’s forehead creased. “You weren’t told?”

Suddenly, it was all too much. Mia briefly considered running, but she’d done too much of that in her life already. This was something she would have to deal with, and it was long past time to lay down her own rules.

“I was told I would have a choice. And frankly, I’m tired of being treated like my feelings don’t matter. In the last two days, I’ve been told that I’m going to turn into a werewolf in less than a week, I can’t go back to my normal life, and that I have to...” Ugh, she couldn’t say it. “Have to compromise myself so that I don’t go insane. Oh, and there’s also the fact that my now-ex is insane and hunting me because he thinks he can use my blood to open a magical portal. If there are any other decisions to be made, I’m making them for myself.”

For the first time, she saw a glimmer of that compassion Kenyon had insisted Tomas had—the thing that had spared Jeff in the first place.

“I’m sorry, Mia. These feral situations are never easy, which is why it’s good they don’t happen very often. But since Gaines was one of mine, it falls to me to take in his victims. In this case, you. The old laws, which we live by, say as much. If it’s any consolation, it works the same for males and females...this isn’t about sex, but about responsibility. We take care of our own.”

Maybe he was being sincere. But to Mia, he just sounded smug.

Kenyon’s voice drew her attention, soft and warm. He’d lost his grim expression, and now looked at her with hope in his pretty blue eyes. No wonder, Mia thought. No wonder he’s been so strange with Jenner. He doesn’t just like me. He’s trying to stake a claim on me.

Then she realized that with Jenner out of the way, he could well be the man she chose. He wasn’t an unappealing option—just not the one she wanted. And maybe that was a warning sign, because so far, the men she did want in her life had ranged from indifferent and unsuitable to downright appalling. It was something to think about.

One thing, however, required no thought at all.

“I was told I could make my own decision, and that’s what I intend to do,” Mia said, her voice stronger now. “I won’t be forced into something I don’t want. Pack doesn’t matter to me, and I’m certainly not going to be boxed in that way. This is the only choice I get in all of this, and it will be completely my own.” She cast a pointed glare at all of the gathered men. She doubted the other werewolf females had to put up with crap like this. Of course, they’d either been born into the life or had made the choice themselves. But she refused to be a prize to be fought over.

Tomas and Kenyon looked thunderstruck.

“This isn’t—” Tomas began.

“She’s right,” Bane interrupted, his voice gruff. “This isn’t for us to say. None of us, Pack Law be damned.”

Tomas looked disgusted, but he finally gave a grudging nod before turning his dark and gleaming gaze back on Mia. “Well. I won’t fight you on it. It’s your life. But you might want to give some thought to which pack can provide you with the kind of life you want. And you might also want to think about the fact that Lunari—shadow hunters—don’t take mates. Especially not when they’ve had to kill one already.”

“That’s way the hell out of line, Tomas,” Bane snapped. Mia appreciated the defense, but when she snuck a glance at Jenner, he looked away, his expression stony, and stalked from the room, slamming the door behind him. He’d told her he was off limits for initiation, for anything but protection. And she could see he’d meant it. But Tomas’s nasty barbs were painting a more detailed, and disturbing picture, of just why.

Jenner was so self-contained, she wondered whether she’d ever know the truth of it...or if it would matter if she did.

“I plan to weigh all my options,” Mia said calmly, meeting Tomas’s gaze without flinching. “I’m just telling you that I will be looking at all the options. Not just one.”

“Fair enough.” That was Kenyon, and for once his unwavering support of her was a relief. She allowed him to help her from the chair.

When she stood, she slid her hand from the warm reassuring pressure of Kenyon’s and said her goodbyes. They might not be finished for the evening, but she was. It wasn’t that she wanted to be with Jenner, per se, though his sudden exit had her worried about him. It was more that she needed some time to think, to be by herself. And to recover from her current state of overbearing-werewolf overload.

“Maybe we’ll find him tonight, and this will all be over,” Bane said, his dark eyes sincere.

“I hope so. And good luck,” Mia said. “It was nice meeting you, Tomas.”

The older Alpha inclined his head, and Mia headed for the door. Before she could leave, though, Kenyon caught up with her, his blue eyes giving off a faint glow.

“Hey, look...I get that I’m not choice number one here, but would you let me take you to lunch tomorrow?”

Mia hesitated, but between the earnest expression on Kenyon’s handsome face and the fact that Jenner had been very clear about his lack of availability, she knew the only problem here was her own ridiculous infatuation. She’d finally done something positive tonight and taken control of part of her destiny.

It was time to start thinking—realistically—about how she would shape it.

“Sure,” she said. “I’d love to.”

His grin was so big she actually felt guilty. He was perfect in every way but one: He wasn’t Jenner. And that was something she was just going to have to get used to, no matter who she chose.

With a wistful smile, Mia said good-night.