The Dragon and the Pearl

Chapter Nine



Suyin stayed on the cold floor for a long time after the door slammed shut. Li Tao had left, but the ghost of his fury hovered, bearing down on her. Slowly, she retied the laces of the bodice and gathered the robe around her shoulders.

Li Tao had believed the stories and the rumours like everyone else. How could anyone not be disappointed? Even a goddess could not measure up to her legendary reputation.

She wanted to curl back on to the floor. The great burden was finally lifted. The August Emperor was long gone and she was free, but her relief was tainted by a sense of emptiness and loss she couldn’t place.

Her legs trembled when she tried to stand. She steadied herself with a hand against the wall. Long ago, she’d resigned herself to never knowing a lover’s touch. An insignificant sacrifice for a life of luxury and security. As secure as she could be in the imperial court. She had buried the yearning and the hope inside until Li Tao had kindled her desire. Suddenly, she wanted it all, the clouds and the rain and the entire universe hidden within the touch of their bodies. Everything the poems and pillow books had spoken of. All the emotions the other girls had whispered about to each other in the darkness.

This mystery between male and female—there was nothing earth shattering to it. The waiting and wanting were greater than the act itself. Madame Ling had always said as much. Why, then, did she still long for him? She knew about the physical pain that came with the first coupling, but she hadn’t expected the feel of Li Tao inside her to reach so deep it made her heart ache. He had pierced through the loneliness she had hidden away for so long.

Outside, the corridor was empty and she stared down the shadowed passage, waiting. She didn’t want to face Li Tao when her emotions were scattered within her. The mystery was done with. She could go on with her life.

With every step, the dull ache between her legs reminded her of Li Tao’s uninhibited lovemaking. He had not been gentle with her, but his rough caresses had been far from unwelcome. The shock of his entry had filled her with fear, joy and an unanswered promise. The intrusion was almost unbearable, overwhelming her with sensation. The only part she regretted was the deception. Li Tao hadn’t been able to stand the sight of her when he stormed out.

The garden was unlit except for a single lantern at the entrance. A wave of desolation swept in. She couldn’t bear to stay another moment. The guards shouted, but she ignored them. She slipped out to the back of the house and halted at the edge of the gorge, trapped. The guards clamoured after her.

‘Leave me alone,’ she snapped.

In the night, the chasm spread out like a gaping abyss. The chilled breeze tugged at the edges of her dress and stung across her face. When she left the bamboo forest, there was nothing waiting for her but solitude, a string of silent days.

For once, she let the tears fall. They slid down her cheeks and blurred the night around her. Li Tao had awakened a longing within her that went beyond physical desire. She had been bought and traded all her life. She had thought it would be enough to return to her river, to belong to herself and no one else. To be safe. But it wasn’t enough any more. Maybe it had never been enough.

Beneath the howl of the wind, she heard the pad of footsteps.

‘Ling Guifei.’ It was Li Tao.

‘Do not call me that.’

She brushed away the tears with a harsh swipe of her knuckles and turned on him. Li Tao was dressed only in his underclothes. His feet were bare on the cold stone and his pale tunic stood out against the darkness. The soldiers behind him looked on uncomfortably and kept their distance.

‘You have nothing to worry about, Governor. I have nowhere to run.’

Only the moon lit his face. The anger she remembered had melted away. ‘Come back inside.’

He held himself away from her, his body rigid. He appeared worried, almost fearful, but she must have misread his expression. Li Tao feared nothing, not all the demons in hell.

‘Are you here to demand the rest of your night?’ she asked cynically.

Her chest grew painfully tight. She swung away from the sight of him to stare into the endless gorge. He let out a sharp breath behind her.

‘Please, come back.’ The words rasped in his throat. ‘I’ll leave you alone. I won’t touch you.’

She didn’t want to be left alone. She’d been alone for too long. Li Tao held out his hand, his expression full of concern. Why couldn’t he simply be the ruthless warlord? She knew how to handle men like that.

Tenuously, she took a step towards him. His arms closed around her and she couldn’t stop herself from sinking against his chest. His heart tapped out an erratic beat and he held her so tightly it was nearly painful. She didn’t understand his reaction now after he had abandoned her so brusquely back in the study.

‘Are you hurt?’ he murmured against her hair.

She tried to shake her head, but the movement was lost against the crush of their bodies. With a sigh, she hid her face against his neck, secured in the nook between his chin and shoulder. This was so, so strange. She expected some challenge or accusation, but it never came. The heat of his skin warmed her against the evening air and she floated in the darkness, hanging on to him.

‘Governor.’ The title sounded stiff on her lips. ‘You are not even dressed.’

Her hair was unbound and her robe dishevelled. What a picture of scandal they presented. Li Tao remained oblivious to everyone else. He tucked her close to his side as he led her into the house. They retreated to his chamber and she didn’t protest when he guided her to the alcove of the bed and seated her on the edge.

He stroked two fingers lightly against her cheek. ‘You are not hurt?’ he asked again.

She closed her eyes to savour the careful way he touched her, too overwhelmed to understand what any of this meant. She feared that if she questioned it, the moment would shatter.

‘You were never the August Emperor’s lover,’ he said.

‘So the secret is revealed.’

‘How?’ he asked again, calmer this time.

‘You know the answer. The Battle of Shibao.’

He straightened, his brow creased in a frown. The slit of his tunic revealed a swathe of muscled chest, a keen reminder of how his powerful body had angled over her before he slid into her. She shuddered, the ache below her hips a faded memory of the exquisite swirl of pain and pleasure.

‘Emperor Li was nearly killed in that siege,’ he said.

‘Some of his wounds never healed.’

The explanation was simple, but the people believed the Emperor to be god-like, his childlessness a curse from heaven. And she, a temptress who had lured him into an obsessive, fruitless union that had led to his downfall. Legends captured the imagination much quicker than the truth. The ploy had allowed Li Ming to rule for only a little longer, long enough to try to stabilise the empire.

‘That must have been lonely for you,’ Li Tao said finally.

The gentleness of his tone startled her. Flustered, she fussed with her hair, trying to smooth it back. ‘Well, one can hardly miss what one doesn’t know.’

‘I meant keeping this secret for so long.’

His mouth quirked with ironic humour and blood rushed to her face. It was easier to feign sexual superiority when she’d been ignorant. She gathered the edges of her dress tight over her breasts and fought the ridiculous urge to hide beneath the blankets.

Li Tao’s smile faded as he watched her. ‘Lady Ling, you would not do anything…’ He hesitated before continuing, ‘Anything to harm yourself?’

Did he think that she would throw herself from the cliff because he had bedded her? She was inexperienced, but far from an innocent virgin fearing shame and ruin.

‘I have spent too much time fighting for my life,’ she assured. ‘You can put your guilt to rest.’

‘You should have told me.’

‘Would it have changed anything?’

He paused as he considered his answer. ‘I would have been more careful.’

His voice rumbled deep within his chest, reigniting the longing that hummed beneath her skin. How her body remembered him. The inexorable way he parted her to prepare for his entry and the way his gaze had fixed on to her as if he’d never let her go. Her face burned even hotter.

‘It doesn’t matter.’ She needed to get away from his bed and the memories that were too fresh in her mind. ‘We had an agreement.’

‘I remember,’ he said.

In the morning, he would take her home. She would be free, but free to do what? To hide from Gao alone and unprotected.

She stood and found herself blocked by the solid plane of his body. He moved close, tracing the line of her throat with an achingly tender touch, while she held herself perfectly still. This man was unfathomable, a hardened warrior who suddenly looked at her as if she were the most precious treasure in the empire. No one had ever looked at her like that.

‘Why now?’ His fingertips hovered feather-light at the corner of her mouth. ‘Why me?’

It was too hard to speak past the lump in her throat. Her survival instincts struggled to escape from the lure of him. ‘A fair trade,’ she forced out. ‘You wanted this body and I wanted my freedom.’

His pupils darkened. ‘You’ll play the whore now?’

She pulled back her shoulders, drawing on the spirit of Madame Ling. ‘In the end, seduction has little to do with the flesh.’

He took hold of her chin between his thumb and forefinger, his grip not quite forceful. ‘Stop this.’

She steeled herself for his kiss, prepared to defend herself against the sensual invasion. He was close enough for it. Their joining had been rushed and fuelled by mindless hunger. Not nearly enough to satisfy either of them. Behind the shield of her callous words, her heart raced and every part of her came alive. Her senses reached out to seek the shape of him and the dark scent of his skin. If he drew her into his arms, she would succumb to him as she had done by the gorge.

When he didn’t kiss her, the cold wash of loneliness swept over her once more. But with it came a sense of relief.

‘I wish to return to my chambers now.’

Shaking free of his hold, she started past him. He waited until she was at the door before he spoke.

‘It is still night time.’

She halted and turned. Irresistibly, her eyes lowered down his body. The hard outline of his arousal showed beneath the trousers.

Her throat went completely dry. ‘I suppose we do have an agreement.’

‘You know this is not a simple negotiation. It never was.’

The quiet edge in his voice sent a shiver through her. If it wasn’t negotiation, then what was it? She didn’t dare to think of it. Li Tao directed her to the bed, saying nothing as he lowered her on to the padding. Meanwhile his eyes spoke of possession. They never left her face until her back rested flat against the bed.

He left her and opened the door to call to someone outside. She lay docile, afraid what would happen if she allowed her desire to take over. After an agonising wait, Li Tao returned and set a basin on to the table. Steam rose over the edge as he lifted a damp cloth and wrung the water from it. She stared at his hands, captivated by the strength of his long fingers.

The sound of her own breathing filled her ears. He lowered one knee to the bed alongside her and parted her robe. The silk slipped away to leave her bare and vulnerable. Above them, the alcove of the bed arched like a cavern. The outline of his shoulders filled her vision.

He lowered the cloth and she recoiled in embarrassment, trying to sit up.

‘Be still.’

With a hand on her shoulder, he eased her back on to the bed. Their coupling had occurred in the darkened study where she’d been able to hide. Now, his gaze roamed over her with excruciating patience. She flinched at the touch of the damp cloth at her shoulder and squeezed her eyes shut, mortified by the vulnerability of it as he bathed her in soothing strokes downwards over her stomach, following the curve of her hip. He lifted the cloth and dipped it again into the basin. The trickle of water punctured the silence and then he continued in the same slow circles until her body relaxed, growing accustomed to his attention. Cool air pricked at her skin following each pass of the cloth. Her breasts rose and fell in anticipation while her muscles warmed and loosened.

‘You really must think me a beast,’ he said.

She kept her eyes closed. His voice surrounded her, vibrating deep within.

‘I never thought you were a gentleman.’ She couldn’t understand why her mind still insisted on sparring with him when her body wanted to lose itself to the sensations.

‘You’re right. I’m no gentleman.’

The cloth slicked its dampness over her legs. She squirmed, recalling the stain of blood on her thighs. Mortified, she tried to draw her knees closed, but his touch remained careful and utterly tender in a way that rendered her heart asunder.

When she dared to look at him, his head was bent in concentration.

‘I was curious,’ she admitted.

‘Curious?’

‘You asked me, why now? I wanted to know what it was. This power that could bring men and women to their knees. “The clouds and the rain”, they call it, as if the joining of flesh could open the heavens.’

His smile touched his eyes more than his lips. ‘I take it the heavens remain closed to you, Lady Ling?’

She had no answer for him. His embrace made her blood sing and her flesh ache, but he had climaxed inside her while she’d been left wanting. Even now, something inside her silently urged him to take her where his body had promised.

‘I was to remain untouched in memory of the August Emperor.’

His hand stilled on her, the cloth resting at her knee. ‘He is dead. You are not.’

For the last years, she had believed that peace was all she wanted, at the price of isolation. But when Li Tao was with her, she wanted something more. Something unnameable. But she wouldn’t stay to search for it while war and death hung over him. She couldn’t take that risk.

He set aside the washcloth and closed her robe, running his fingers along the silk. The brief caress was enough to make her want to arch towards his hand.

‘You are a complicated woman, Lady Ling.’

Her skin missed his touch. She started to rise, but he stopped her.

‘Stay,’ he implored.

Because of their bargain? No, because of the way he was looking at her. Piercing her. Binding her to him, but only for one night.

His fingers gripped her knee lightly and her pulse quickened. He would take her again. She swallowed as he eased her legs apart. For a long breath, his gaze simply roamed over her, for once hiding nothing. His pupils grew wide and dark, taking the sight of her in. She saw passion there and hunger and pure admiration. Her nipples peaked against the sheen of silk. Soft abrasion.

He said nothing.

Li Tao bent and placed his mouth on to her sex. It startled her so much she jumped. Her body flooded with heat. Heat from him, from her. His tongue washed over her without giving her time to recover, licking a long path along her folds. She cried out in a breathless sob and he demanded more. He held her open with his fingers and tormented her until she was weeping brokenly, writhing with her nails hooked into his shoulders. Punishing him for making her feel this way. His hands rounded her hips, holding on as he angled her to the onslaught of his mouth. His tongue flicked faster and faster. She became nothing but pulse and radiant pleasure.

Her climax broke the surface and swept through her in wrenching waves. He held her through it, passing his tongue delicately over her sensitive tissue in a soothing pass before releasing her.

Then he stood and pulled the quilt over her shoulders. She would have called out his name, but she had no breath left. No strength left. The feeling of security that washed over her nearly brought tears to her eyes. But it was false and fleeting.

‘When I return home, I will think of you,’ she told him finally.

She turned from him and pulled the quilt around her shoulders. Her body still throbbed with his final gift. Li Tao remained close, though he no longer touched her. She listened to the broken rhythm of his breathing and kept her eyes squeezed shut, though she knew it would be a long time before she would be able to sleep.

Imperial Palace—AD 746

13 years earlier

Suyin trembled as she approached the imperial apartments. The silk robe they’d put her in brushed the floor as she walked and seemed to grow heavier with each footstep. The head eunuch walked in front of her down the long corridor. In the silence, she could hear the unsteady ebb of her breathing. A cloud of perfume hung around her. Orange blossoms, the Emperor’s favourite scent.

She was sixteen, chosen into the court of women a year earlier. In that time, she had never been alone with the Emperor. After the selection ceremony, he hadn’t paid her any notice at all. It wasn’t uncommon for the chosen concubines to never know his favour. There were many poems of exquisite beauties left to languish untouched, their wasted youth a sacrifice to the whims of the Emperor. The Son of Heaven he might be, but he was only one man.

A man had only so many nights and while the Empress lived, she made sure those nights were with her. Now that the Empress was dead, the harem spent every hour pondering who would replace her in the Emperor’s bed. That afternoon, the wooden tile with Suyin’s name had been turned over. The first since the tragedy.

The other concubines cooed and sighed as Suyin was led away for the lengthy preparation. On their faces, she saw a mixture of curiosity, envy and fear. The Empress’s poisoning had been followed by a string of indictments and executions. The Emperor was not known as a cruel man, but he enacted justice swiftly and unerringly.

The harem had been spared his vengeance even though the Empress had been last seen alive within the inner court of women. Suyin recalled that detail as she stood in the centre of the vast bedchamber and her palms began to sweat. When the Emperor emerged through a curtain, she jumped with alarm.

‘Is the sight of me that frightening?’

She bowed her head low, not knowing how to answer. When he came to stand directly before her, she stared obsessively at his shoes. The blue-embroidery pattern made her eyes swim. Her neck started to ache from being bent for so long.

He lifted her chin with his hand, turning her head this way and that for his scrutiny. ‘You have a face that haunts men’s dreams.’ The corners of his eyes creased in thought.

The Emperor appeared older than she remembered. Sad and grey. She prayed he couldn’t read those disparaging thoughts on her face. He was supposed to be perfect and god-like in everyone’s eyes. Her hands hung heavy by her sides while he continued to look her over. The first time he had seen her, he had asked her to play a song for him. That had been much easier. She had something to do to occupy her hands and her thoughts.

When he ordered the attendants from the room, her stomach lurched. Her heart pounded so forcefully it nearly drowned out the Emperor’s next words.

‘Do not be frightened, little beauty.’

It would be a long time before the sight of him didn’t make her tremble. The entire palace, the entire universe, revolved around the Emperor.

‘Your Imperial Majesty should know…’ her voice barely rose above a whisper ‘…this concubine has never been with a man.’

‘The Emperor knows,’ he replied and his tone held a hint of kindness that made her hopeful.

In Luoyang, she had been a performer in the Lotus Pavilion among the courtesans and prostitutes. She wasn’t ashamed of her past other than the Emperor might expect her to be skilled in the bedroom arts.

He took down her hair, pulling the pins free with strong, methodical hands while he watched her with a pensive expression. She thought she saw a spark of longing, but none of the hunger she had come to recognise in a man’s eyes.

She flinched when he touched her cheek. Thankfully, he didn’t seem offended.

‘Go to the bed.’

Her thoughts raced as she passed through the curtain into the inner apartment. She lay down with her shoulder blades pressed flat against the mattress, still fully clothed. Would he want to undress her? Did he expect her to undress herself?

She stared up at the dragon carving overhead and tried to follow its serpentine curve through the rain and the clouds. This is what the court of women longed for when they primped and preened, hoping to catch the eye of the Son of Heaven. The Emperor’s favour meant status and privilege. If she gave birth to a son, she might be elevated to imperial consort, her family showered with gifts—if they could still be found.

She didn’t dare dream of being named Empress. ‘Empress’ had proven to be a deadly title to hold.

By the time the candles in the chamber burned low, she was still on her back and waiting. She rolled on to her side and peered through the curtain. She couldn’t hear the Emperor or see his silhouette through the sheer material. He might be offended if she ventured out to search for him, but she grew tired of staring at the dragon above. The bearded, gaping mouth mocked her with its grotesque smile.

She didn’t know when she fell asleep, but the chamber was dark when she awoke. The layers of silk and gauze she wore itched against her skin. She could feel the warmth from the Emperor’s body beside her. He had not laid a finger on her. The only time the Emperor touched her that night was when his hand inadvertently grazed her shoulder while he turned.

The next evening, her tile was once again turned over. And again on the next.

After several nights in the Emperor’s bed, she stood before him and untied her sash. Keeping her eyes boldly on his, she peeled the silk from her shoulders and let it fall down her body. His pupils grew dark, but he said nothing. He did not move towards her.

She saw the longing. She knew how to read a man’s face and the tension in his body. The Emperor was not so old or unpleasant to look at. He had been unexpectedly kind. At that moment, she earnestly wanted to please him.

If she could give him a son, her sins would be absolved.

He looked at her for a long time while she stood with the silk dress pooled at her feet.

‘Ling Suyin.’ He finally rose and took her gently by the shoulders. ‘You are very beautiful.’

He kissed her forehead and she shivered, folding her arms over her breasts. Her nakedness before him embarrassed her. It was only admiration she saw in his eyes, the way one appreciates a painting or the sky at dusk. She knew then that the Emperor’s yang essence had somehow been damaged. The Son of Heaven, flawed and imperfect.

From that moment, she held something of value. The Emperor had only fathered a daughter with the Empress. There was no heir to the throne. The knowledge could endanger his entire rule and he needed her to keep his secret. Her life depended on it.

That night, while the Emperor slept with his back turned, her tears soaked the pillow beneath her cheek. The Emperor would protect her. Her position as his favourite was secure, but she was still young. She had hoped that, with time, she might have been able to fall in love.