The Demon's Song

CHAPTER Twenty


Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, just as the sky had begun to glow faintly with the promise of sunrise, Sofia opened her eyes to find Phenex gone.

She had a moment of pure panic, a sudden certainty that he’d left her here, alone, that he’d vanished someplace and she’d never see him again. Then she heard the sound, a strange and beautiful crooning that was like nothing she’d ever heard. It vibrated, crystalline, through the air, rising and falling, shimmering in a way she had never heard an instrument or voice do.

Sofia sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, then grabbed one of the robes that had been laid out for them. She put it on and tiptoed toward the balcony. It had to be Phenex…but it didn’t really sound like him, either. Only the emotion behind the song was the same.

When she finally stood where she could see him, her breath stilled in her throat.

She had seen the other Fallen in their other forms, whether shifting for her amusement or simply for expediency in going somewhere. But never Phenex. The mythical creature he was named for had remained hidden, despite her gentle prodding. Until now.

He was perched on the railing, a bird roughly the size of a peacock, with a long, luxuriant tail. But where the peacock was beautiful, Phenex made it look like nothing more than a pigeon. He was glorious, his feathers all the shades of flame, from bright siren red to darkest crimson, and all of it edged in hottest gold. Though it was dark, he glowed like fire itself, his light shifting and changing as he spread his wings to the night and the dawn. And he sang.

What poured from his throat was a song of such heartbreaking beauty that Sofia was weeping silently before she was even aware she was doing it. In that song, wild and gorgeous and strange, she heard every heartbreak, every hope that had belonged to him. She could hear loneliness and loss, and so much regret. It took her breath away.

She didn’t know how long she stood there, mesmerized, utterly silent. Phenex sang until she thought his heart would break—and any creature who could sing like this had a heart, no matter what he might say. And then, as the dawn began to paint the sky pink and gold above the ocean, his song changed.

As Phenex trumpeted his joy, Sofia realized that she wasn’t the only one who wanted to live in the sun.

He sent a final note ringing out across the water, then flapped his wings in a shower of flame until there was nothing of the bird left. Only the man without wings, almost human, staring out at the horizon.

Sofia hesitated. She’d always let him be when she’d heard him playing at night, but this felt different. Or maybe she just wanted it to be different. Either way, she slipped silently up behind him and slid her arms around his waist. He didn’t startle, just stood. He was actually sad, she realized. An emotion she had never felt from him before.

It had such depth that she felt it as her own.

“Why?” she asked softly, resting her cheek against his back. “Why would someone like you ever feel so much sadness?”

Phenex didn’t say anything for a long time, watching the sun make its way into the sky and turn the waves gold. Finally, though, he spoke, and with a raw honesty that was new from him. There was no sarcasm, no anger. Just the truth.

“It hurt,” he said, “to give your kind beautiful things and then watch them focus on destruction. Themselves. Others. Or sometimes just the beauty itself. I was supposed to be calm, detached. To focus on what I was made for, and let the humans do as they would. I could only inspire them, they said. Not save them. And certainly not from themselves. But I tried. I tried to save peasants. I tried to turn the hearts of kings. For every triumph, though, there were terrible losses. And so much of the music just…vanished. I stopped wanting to help them. I started wanting to hurt them the way they had hurt me. And one day, when an exceptional young musician lay dead, his unfinished masterpiece stolen by a rival, I put down my instruments. I walked away without another word. Everything hurt. How could it hurt any worse? So I tried to escape it. I fell.”

It was the most he’d ever told her about himself, about what had driven him to become what he was. And the strange thing was, she wasn’t surprised that the Angel of Song had cared more deeply for humanity than most. But it had made him that much more bitter when he’d finally turned his face away.

Sofia pressed a kiss to Phenex’s bare back.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“I stopped being sorry a long time ago,” he replied, so still. “But it’s all coming back. That, the joy, everything. I didn’t know it was all still in there. I didn’t know I could still sing about it. It’s been a long time since I was the Phoenix, Sofia. I didn’t want to take that form and not be able to use the voice that came with it. But I can. I woke up and just knew. The song came back.”

She didn’t know what to say to him, how to respond to the pure wonder in his voice. So she simply held him silently and let his joy warm her. He’d lost so much in his Fall, Sofia realized. More than she could have guessed.

And she loved him.

The realization sank in slowly, then opened like some rare bloom in the early morning sun. As broken and difficult as he was, as much as she’d warned herself against it, she’d fallen hard and fast. She loved him, with every bit of her heart. It rose and fell within her, bittersweet joy accompanied by a dull ache that she worried she wouldn’t be able to banish. Because she was well aware that loving Phenex was no guarantee of keeping him…or if truly having him as her own was even possible.

She closed her eyes, breathed him in.

“It’s you,” she heard him say, and he turned in her arms to face her. It stunned her to see the unshed tears glittering in his eyes, making them reflections of the morning ocean beyond. In that instant, he was ethereally beautiful, neither human nor demon, but a vision of what Sofia knew he had once been. What she realized he could be again.

That was the moment she knew that no matter how much she loved him, she wouldn’t be able to hold him. He was eternal. She was just the blink of an eye. And she couldn’t embrace the darkness to change that, because eventually, it would kill parts of her she would never be able to get back.

Then it was Sofia’s eyes that stung and burned. Rather than let him see, she pulled him into a fierce kiss, trying to tell him without words everything she wanted to say.

Phenex responded instantly to her kiss. He slid his hands into her hair, cradling the back of her head while he teased her, tasted her until Sofia could feel nothing but him, his touch, his presence wrapped around her.

When he’d kissed her so thoroughly that Sofia’s knees were shaking, Phenex lifted her, carrying her to the bed where he lay her down. She shed the robe quickly, and Phenex covered her, his heated skin against hers provoking a shock of pleasure that had her arching into him. She slid her hands down his back, feeling the muscles bunch and shift as skin gave way to feathers, his wings emerging to stretch around them. They were impossibly soft, Sofia thought, stroking her hand over the arch of one wing, loving the way it made Phenex shudder.

When he opened his eyes and looked down at her, she saw something different in his gaze. Something that, if she wasn’t careful, might spark hope that this angel, fallen though he was, could ever be for her.

Then he slid into her, filling her, and began to move. Their eyes locked, and Sofia savored the way he reacted to every thrust, every gentle drag of her fingernails over sensitive skin. He moved faster, and Sofia slid her hands to his hips, the bunch and flex of his muscles stoking the heat at her core ever higher.

“I want you from behind,” he growled, fangs flashing as he pumped into her. “I want my teeth in you, Sofia. Let me take you. Let me…”

He withdrew just long enough for her to rise to her knees, turn, and grip the headboard. When he entered her again, this time with a hard, swift thrust, Sofia gave a low moan and tightened her grip on the wood.

“Yes,” was all she could tell him, because she wanted him. Wanted everything. “Yes.”

He rode her mercilessly, and she bucked back against him as his fingers dug into her hips, setting a frantic rhythm that had her tightening around him, readying for the blinding climax she knew he would give her. Phenex dropped his mouth to her shoulder and began to suckle at the sensitive skin at the base of her neck. At the same time, he slipped one hand between her legs and sent shock waves curling through her, intensifying the sensation of every wild thrust. His teeth scraped against her skin, promising a joining unlike any she might have imagined. Better.

“Do it,” she hissed, hanging on tightly to the headboard as he thrust into her. She tipped her head back and to the side to allow him access, to offer herself.

When Phenex sank his teeth in, there was only the briefest burst of pain, followed by a pleasure so intense that Sofia shouted his name. The orgasm was shattering, and she could do nothing but let it take her where it would. Phenex slammed into her all the way to the hilt and found his own release with a wild snarl. He poured himself into her with a shudder, finally pulling Sofia to the bed and collapsing, curling himself around her.

Sofia tucked her feet between his, hearing nothing but the sound of her own galloping heart. She could almost feel Phenex inside her still, hear his wild, sad song echoing in her veins. Her eyes slipped shut as her body went limp, utterly spent.

“Phenex,” she murmured, leaving the words she really wanted to say unspoken.

But when she slept, she dreamed of him.

…

Phenex couldn’t bring himself to wake her until midday.

He hadn’t slept so much as he’d rested, enjoying the sound of the waves, the cry of the gulls outside, and the scent, everywhere, of the sea.

This was his place. Every time he came here, it was harder to drag himself back underground, into the endless night of Terra Noctem. His wounds were healing, incredibly. He hadn’t thought it possible. But between the slow reemergence of his emotions and, now, the return of his Phoenix song, it was impossible to deny. He felt different. Better.

Actually, right now, with Sofia curled into him, he felt pretty damn good.

After all these centuries of darkness, something had changed. All the restlessness and anger he’d felt were vanishing. It was Sofia. Somehow, she had made the difference. And earlier, when he’d finally sunk his fangs into her, joining them so closely he’d felt her heart beat in time with his…nothing Gadreel had said did the experience justice.

He had a sneaking suspicion that was because Gadreel’s experience hadn’t been as good.

Phenex dipped his head to nuzzle at Sofia’s neck, where his bite mark was still visible. Mine, he thought, smugly satisfied. Maybe Terra Noctem would move closer to a beach this time, giving him more opportunities to steal Sofia away.

Doubt began to prick at him almost immediately.

Her parents. Her job. Her life.

“No,” he growled against her skin. However she was making him feel, there was plenty of the demon still in him. He would have what he wanted.

Yeah, you were doing that before, and she was exhausted and unhappy. But look what happened when you thought about her first. Look what you gained.

Phenex struggled with that simple truth. Because there was a flip side to that. More gained meant more to lose.

Sofia stirred in his arms, distracting him from his darkening thoughts. “Mmm?” she asked, not even opening her eyes.

“Nothing,” he said, beginning to kiss her neck again. “We have to get back.”

“Mmm.” It became an unhappy sound. She opened her eyes, pale green gleaming like sea glass. “Why do we have to go? I’m off work. I thought we were here for the sunshine.”

“We were. We are, I just…there’s a lot to do.” He paused, then just came out with it. “Terra Noctem is moving. Friday. We Fallen have to protect it on the way out.”

If she hadn’t been awake before, she was now. “What?”

Quickly, he explained the situation to her. By the time he finished, she was sitting up and staring into the distance, an oddly blank look on her face.

“So this was kind of a last hurrah. I had a feeling.” Her smile was pained when she glanced at him. “I guess it was better that you didn’t tell me last night. I might not have come, and I’m glad I did, regardless.”

Phenex frowned as he realized what she meant. “No! No, Sofia, I’m not trying to say good-bye to you. I didn’t plan coming out here. When I saw you last night, I realized how much everything was dragging on you. This seemed like a fix, at least right then. Was it a bad idea?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. In the light, her skin looked gold-dusted, her eyes luminous even though she’d just woken up. She had needed this. Out of Terra Noctem, she’d already started to thrive again.

Pleasure and guilt stirred, mixed into something unpleasant. She could thrive in the vampire city, too, he told himself. With some changes.

Phenex slid his fingers beneath Sofia’s chin and took a deep breath. “I want you to come with me. Wherever it is.”

“You…you do?” He loved putting the light back in her eyes. He just wished there was less wariness there along with it. What could she be worrying about? He took care of what was his. He always had.

“I do. We have a good thing, Sofia. I wasn’t expecting it, I wasn’t looking for it, but we do. I don’t want to toss it just because we’ve got magical city problems.”

Her smile was slow and warm…but still, cautious. He didn’t understand.

“I agree,” she said. “Completely. We do have a good thing. But—”

“You can do whatever you want to the house in Terra Noctem,” Phenex said, anxious to get the details worked out now that she’d agreed. The relief he felt was incredible. “I’ll get you out of there as often as I can. I know it’s different, but you’ll get used to it. I did. I—”

Her smile faltered as he spoke, then vanished altogether. “Whoa. Whoa, whoa, hang on. Phenex.” That beautiful light faded, replaced by sadness. Resignation. As though she’d been expecting something like this all along.

“I can’t live in Terra Noctem,” Sofia said slowly. “I’m a human. Even if Justin made an exception, the place is not at all human-friendly. I can’t live there.”

“You can if you go vampire.”

Now she was frowning, her voice taking on an edge. “We talked about this. I don’t want to be a vampire. I don’t want to live underground. Phenex, do you have any idea what being there does to me? I didn’t realize how bad it was getting until you brought me here. This,” she said, sweeping her hands around her, “is wonderful. This is everything I love—warmth, light, people walking on the beach laughing, music. I feel alive here! I know you understand,” she pressed. “You sang for the sunrise this morning. I could hear how you felt. You don’t belong down in the dark any more than I do.”

Phenex’s eyes narrowed. This was his fault, he thought as the hurt sliced through him. He’d opened himself up for this. It was why taking was always better than asking. Why not giving a damn was always the best idea. If only he could stop.

“You said you wanted to come with me.” He kept his voice even, barely.

“I didn’t think being a vampire was a requirement,” Sofia said, her own voice rising. “You’re not one.”

“I’m an immortal. The only way for you to join me in that is for you to get the bite. It’s not the end of the world, Sofia. Just a different start.”

“I don’t want a different start,” she said, almost shouting now. “I’m fine with the start we already had. And I’m not turning myself into a vampire! I’d never see my family, or my friends. I’d be dead to them. My career? Also dead. I’d have to start drinking blood, my eyes would turn red, and I’d never see another sunrise! You said we’d come away here when we could? What, so I could takes walks along the beach in the dark? You love this place for the light of it, Phenex, and that’s something you want to take away my ability to share. No. I won’t do that. I won’t give up what I am.”

It took Phenex a minute to register that she wasn’t just unhappy with the vampire idea. She was furious. His own temper flared, the shock of his hurt feelings making it worse.

“What did you think I meant, Sofia? Get a house somewhere, watch you age and die while I never change? Human life is barely long enough to do anything! I want to make sure I have you forever. This is the only way.”

She seemed to be trying to contain herself. Her fingers flexed as if they were looking for something to throttle.

“You want to have me, to keep me…the way you talk about it makes it sound more like I’m one of your instruments than a partner.” Sofia pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, hard, before looking at him with such misery and anger that it might have filled the entire ocean beyond them. “I’m sorry that my humanity is so upsetting to you that you want me to change it. But it’s not going to happen. If you want to be with me, you get me, Phenex. The human who will age and die, since the only way around that is unacceptable to me. On the bright side, maybe you’d get tired of me way before I got all old and ugly.”

This wasn’t going the way he’d wanted. At all.

“You would never be ugly. Hellfire, Sofia, I want to keep you!”

Her eyes widened and despite her humanity, he would swear they shot off sparks.

“Stop saying that! You think you can stuff me in that house in the cave along with the other things you enjoy and call it a day? And all I have to change is everything. What about you, Phenex? What do you lose out on here?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “Ah…”

“Yeah, exactly. Nothing. That isn’t a relationship, Phenex.” She shoved her hands into her hair.

He’d hurt her. How had he hurt her by asking her to stay with him?

“I knew,” she muttered to herself. “I knew. I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. This is stupid. I didn’t ask you to slit your damn wrists and sell your soul. If you don’t want to be with me, Sofia, then say so. I’m not going to beg.”

“You’re not going to—” She bared her teeth. “You a*shole, I’m in love with you. In love with you! Do you even know what that means? Do you have any idea at all? I not only want to be with you, I want it so bad that sometimes it physically hurts!”

He could only stare at her as though she’d grown an extra head, the words ringing in his ears. Love. She couldn’t. She wasn’t supposed to.

“Sofia. Don’t.” It was a command. A plea. Love wasn’t supposed to be a part of this. Just when he thought he was getting a handle on what he wanted from her, she shook everything up again and made him see how much more there might be…what he could have if he just—

“I can’t,” he rasped. Don’t make me unlock that part of myself. I don’t even know if I can. I don’t know if there’s anything left. I can’t.

Her laugh was bitter, and he was horrified to see that a stray tear had rolled down her cheek. “You can’t. Can’t love me back? Can’t handle my humanity?” She shook her head and looked away. “Well, I can’t, either. I can’t live in the dark. I can’t accept just a little piece of you when I know there’s so much more. I want all of you, including the heart you pretend you don’t have. I would come with you, Phenex, if there were some middle ground. I would relocate, find a new job, start someplace new. People do it every day. There are leaps I’m willing to make. But you would have to give, too. You would have to let my life—and I do have one—blend with yours instead of just trying to make me forget I ever had one. If you can’t do that, and if you can’t give me your heart, not ever, then I can’t do this to myself.”

Phenex slid off the bed and backed away, unsure of what he’d just done. Sofia was watching him, crying silently, and every tear that fell felt like drops of fire on his own skin. Why did she have to love him? That word…he’d seen it ruin too many things. He didn’t want to feel it, even if he could.

“You know what I am,” Phenex said softly. “This is a big deal for me, Sofia. I wasn’t expecting to want you like I do. I don’t know what else I can give. What I have would have to be enough.”

The look she gave him was haunted. “I see what you are, and what you could be. I know this is a big step for you, Phenex. I…I get that.” She wiped at her eye. “But this works both ways. You know what I am. And it would have to be enough, too.”

It was too much. Everything, all of it. He was a dark thing, he couldn’t love, couldn’t be loved…he had made himself safe from the terrible power of that word, that emotion. But from deep inside, fear surfaced, showing him images of a white-haired woman with Sofia’s face lying peacefully in a hospital, her hands folded over her chest. He stood staring down at her, the same as he was now. Always the same.

If only she would just let him have her. Do as she was told. Except…then she wouldn’t be Sofia. And he damn well knew it.

“I can’t,” he said, utterly broken. “I just…can’t.”

Sofia simply nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I know.”

Unable to take any more pain, Phenex rushed for the window and vanished upward, into the light of a blazing sun.