Chapter TWENTY-EIGHT
Lucy couldn’t concentrate on the banter of her friends at Lady Hoppington’s Venetian breakfast. Normally Jane and Garrett’s wordplay amused her, but tonight it just drowned into noise that she couldn’t sort out in her head. She pressed her fingertips to her temples. All she could think about was her discussion with Cass last night.
Cass had answered the question, finally. She’d said that she didn’t know how she felt and needed to think about everything. Understandable, given the riot of emotions she must have endured during the last sennight. But even though her friend’s answer hadn’t been the one Lucy had been dreading, she still felt uneasy about the situation. Should she tell Cass that she’d kissed her potential betrothed? Would that sway Cass’s opinion? And if so, was that fair to Cass? Through his title alone, Derek was an extremely good catch, and if Cass did indeed have feelings for him or thought she could, it would be entirely selfish of Lucy to tell her that they’d kissed. Twice. Especially when she and Derek had both agreed that the kiss had meant nothing and wouldn’t be repeated. At least they’d agreed to that the time they’d both been sober. The other time didn’t count. Did it? And so what if the man had climbed through her bedchamber window last night? He’d been drunk and needed someone to treat his injured hand. She’d helped him. And very well, she’d kissed him once more, and perhaps that was not her best decision. Though the kissing had been extraordinary. She had to admit.
A headache throbbed in her skull. Oh, she was the worst friend in the entire world. The very worst. The situation was absolutely awful. Untenable, really. And now there was Lord Berkeley. He was the first decent potential suitor she’d had in years. She’d be a fool not to continue their acquaintance. She should spend her time with Lord Berkeley, get to know him better, see if they suited. Shouldn’t she?
She needed to talk to Jane. Jane was always sensible. Always right. Always knew the answer. Yes. Jane. Where was Jane?
Lucy swung around, intending to find her friend, drag her into a corner somewhere, and confess all her sins. But the moment she turned, she ran straight into … Derek.
Gulp.
“Lucy?” He placed a hand at her elbow to steady her. “Are you all right?”
She couldn’t look at him. She kept her eyes trained on her slippers. “Yes. I’m fine.”
“You look as if you’ve just seen a ghost.” His voice was smooth.
She cleared her throat, still watching her slippers. “No, truly I’m fine.”
“Are you certain you’re all right?” She dared a glance up. His gaze was focused on her in that disconcerting way of his. The way that made her feel like he could see through her.
“Yes. Why?”
His brow was furrowed, and he was watching her with a funny look in his eye. “I don’t know. You seem … different.”
Lucy squared her shoulders. She needed to compose herself and quickly. He obviously didn’t remember their kiss last night. For the better. Obviously. But if Derek could tell she was acting differently, no doubt Cass, who’d known her since childhood, would be able to tell Lucy was a mess within five minutes. She was merely discombobulated. The headache was getting to her. That was all. She would be quite all right.
“Lucy,” Derek continued. “I wanted to say something to you.”
She held her breath. “Wha … What?”
“I wanted to apologize.”
She closed her eyes briefly and then stared at his shirtfront. “For what?”
“For my behavior last night.” He glanced about to ensure they wouldn’t be overheard, but no one else was standing anywhere near them.
She winced. “You remember … everything?”
“No, that’s just it. I don’t remember most of it. So if there’s anything I need to apologize for—”
She let her shoulders drop and expelled a relieved breath. “Oh, no, no, no. No need to apologize for anything.”
“Yes. There is. It was completely irrational and irresponsible of me. I promise it won’t happen again.”
“How is your hand?” she asked, desperate to turn the topic from his apology.
He glanced down to the bandaged appendage. “Healing nicely thanks to your tender ministrations.”
She smiled but glanced away. Why was it that all she could think of were the glimpses she’d had of his bare stomach and the feel of his hot mouth against the palm of her hand when she’d tried to keep him from speaking last night? Not to mention the actual kissing. She swallowed hard.
She took a deep breath and hazarded another glance at his face. “May I ask you something, Derek?”
He smiled when she used his given name. “Of course.”
“When you…” She swallowed again. “When you last saw Julian. Was he…? Did you think he wouldn’t survive it? Is he truly dying?”
Derek’s face took on a somber hue. He put his hands on his hips and blew out a breath, staring out the window as if he was trying to remember. “It was bad, Lucy. Quite bad.”
She nodded slightly. “So, you do think he will die?”
One awful word. “Yes.”
Lucy stumbled backward, away from him. Away. He reached for her but she scrambled out of his reach. “I must go,” she murmured, turning and picking up her skirts. She had to force herself not to run.
That settled it. Julian would die if he was not already dead. Cass deserved a secure future with a handsome nobleman who had sworn to protect her. It was true that Garrett might take offense, but Garrett, while wonderful, was merely in line to be an earl, not quite as eligible as a duke.
Lord Berkeley was perfectly nice. He was handsome and dashing and he wanted to see Lucy again. He wasn’t chasing after her best friend, sworn to marry her by a promise to a dying man. Yes. Much less complicated.
She would still talk to Jane, come clean. Admit everything. Clear her conscience. She and Jane would think of a way to give Cass the little push she needed to actually accept Derek.
But Lucy already knew. She had to stop having feelings for Derek immediately and ensure the match between him and Cass.