The Space In Between

Chapter Forty-One

SPRING HAD COME, and I still missed him. Ladasha came and sat on the front porch with me.
“Why don’t you call him?”
“It’s not that easy, Ladasha.” I thought about some of the horrifying things I’d said to Cooper. They replayed in my head over and over again. I didn’t know how to face him. I wanted nothing more than to call him and tell him what was going on in my mind—that the idea of going on another day without him was unbearable. But I couldn’t. I didn’t deserve the right to talk to him.
“Why not?” she asked.
“You don’t understand, Ladasha. I said some terrible things.”
“Yeah I know. You told him he would be a bad father. You believed the lies those magazines made up. You turned on him in a second because his crazy ex-wife had him followed.” Reminding me of all the terrible things I did made me feel even worse.
Her voice softened. “You spent the past few months mourning over someone who cheated and lied to you. You listened to his songs and your voicemail over and over again. You sprayed his cologne just to hold on.”
“Are you trying to make me feel worse? Because it's working.”
“The truth is you're afraid of losing someone again so you pushed him away before you could be hurt. You’re afraid that he too, might lie to you and hurt you. He never judged you for your past, and the fact that you threw his in his face, the shit that wasn't even true, is wrong. The way I see it, y'all are both f*cked up. Might as well be f*cked up together.”
“Why do you even care? You got your happy ending. You have your future, so stay the hell out of my business.”
Ladasha moved in closer and grabbed me by the chin, “You're acting like a bitch.”
“Don't talk to me like that.”
“I'm your best friend. I can talk to you however the hell I want. Wake up, Andrea. And don't try to push me away because I'm like cockroaches in the ghetto. I'll keep popping up, unwelcome.”
I let out a small chuckle as she wrapped her arms around me. “I got a call from a few dance studios…which is weird because I don’t remember applying to any, and you only told me about one.” Ladasha’s grin informed me that she had been going behind my back, pretending to be me. “They want me to come in and audition, dance for them.”
Her face lit up with joy as she heard the news. “Does that mean we can go home now?”





“I CANNOT BELIEVE this is happening again. Walter, say something!” Ladasha and I sat in my bedroom as we listened to my dad, once again, try to convince my mom to let me, once again, go back to New York City. I stood up, walked over to my bedroom walls, and began to remove the photos of Derrick and me from the space. I was ready to move on. I was ready to let go. And I was ready to retry New York City.
This time was different though. This time I wasn’t looking to go and become lost. No, I was going to find myself. I was going to make something of myself. Well, at least I was planning on it, if my mom would stop tearing up.
“Mom…” I looked at her as I entered the living room.
Her hands flew to her hips and she shook her head at me. “Don’t you even say it, Andrea! Look what happened last time you went there! And this time you two girls don’t even have jobs set up! What are you planning to do?!”
“Michelle is giving us a loan until we are able to pay her back. Also, I have auditions for dance jobs.”
Mom huffed and whined. “If I had a dollar for every time I heard that this past year.” I couldn’t help but smile at her comment.
Ladasha entered the room grinning ear to ear. Mom’s eyes narrowed in on her. “And what about you, missy? What are your plans?”
“Well, I can always go back to the strip club,” she smirked. She dodged the pillow flying at her head. “Okay okay. A friend of mine offered me a job at an art gallery as a receptionist. I’m going to work there through the summer and I’m enrolled in a summer film program.”
Mom waved Ladasha over to us on the couch and she hugged her too.
“Let me and Dad send you girls money each month.”
“Mom—no,” I said.
“Okay,” answered Ladasha. I hit her in the arm. “What!? She offered. And we’ll need to eat.”
Mom’s worried eyes looked at my body. I had gained at least ten pounds since I came home, but you know Mom, the worry wart.
“Don’t even start, Mom.”
She smiled. “Okay. But if you two need anything, you’ll come back. All right?”
I grinned and looked to Daddy who was smiling down at us three girls. Mr. Quiet, but always happy. He nodded at me in approval. I turned to Mom and shook her hand.
Deal.





ON THE NIGHT we got back into New York, we waited at the airport to try to get a ride out to our apartment. Every time we reached for a taxi, another person had already hopped in. “Hey, one sec…” I went digging into my purse and pulled out the card I had received from the old taxi driver who gave me a few free rides way back when. I dialed him up, and he was there in less than fifteen minutes.
“How was your trip?” Joe asked as he drove us to our apartment. I noticed he didn’t have his payment clock on, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“Ya know, same ol’ same ol’. Stressful. Dramatic. Sad.”
He nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. “Yeah. Sometimes trips can be more stressful than anything. Yet other times, they can be exactly what you need to realize what you're missing.”
Ladasha raised her eyebrow at the interaction between me and Joe, and I could tell she felt out of the loop. Moving closer to me, she began to whisper. “What is this? You have your own personal Yoda or something?”
A personal Yoda? I wish. But as it turned out, I just had a Joe, which was good enough for me.





I LANDED A job at a small, but awesome dance studio. It wasn’t completely paying the bills, but I was happy to have Michelle helping us out for a while. I was slowly getting into the groove of the city. And teaching dance to individuals who were new to the art form was the best thing I could have done.
Of course, I looked for any and every other dance opportunity that came up. Part of being a New Yorker was understanding the hustle of it all. Nothing was going to be handed to you; you had to make a name for yourself. And I was determined to make it. I owed it to myself. Everything was falling into place. I was doing what I loved, living with my best friend, and learning to stand on my own. But I still missed him.
I still longed for him.
He was a dial away on my cell phone, but I knew he had probably already found his Order. And I wasn’t going to get in his way. Ladasha kept begging me to at least call him to see how he was, but I refused.
One Saturday morning during the beginning of June, there were terrible thunderstorms. I had no plans of going out any time soon except to go to the art auction Ladasha hadn’t stopped talking about since she’d started her job. There was a knock at our door and I looked up from the couch to my best friend. “You expecting someone?” She shook her head, wondering who it could be. Dragging myself away from the couch, I walked over, opened the door, and was surprised to see Mom, Daddy, and Eric standing there.
“What are you guys doing here?!” I asked as they entered the apartment. Mom looked around and smiling, nodding in approval of our small space.
“We were just in the neighborhood and thought we would stop by.”
“No, really…”
They all ignored me and made themselves comfortable. Eric’s eyes lit up when he saw Ladasha, and I knew she had something to do with them coming here.
“Andrea Mae, must you be so dramatic? Just be happy we stopped by!” I laughed hearing this from my mom, also known as the most dramatic person on this planet.
My heart skipped a beat as I watched Eric and Ladasha embrace. I felt a wave of a jealousy mixed with happiness for them.
“This is great! You all can come to the art gallery tonight! We are having a big auction party,” Ladasha exclaimed as she held onto Eric as if he might disappear if she let him go. I was pretty sure Eric had no plans of leaving her side any time soon. That was until he came to a realization. “Oh crap! Andrea, I forgot!” Eric jumped up from his chair and raced over to his luggage, unzipping it. He brought out a package and handed it to me.
“What is it?” I questioned.
He shrugged. “Cooper sent it to Michelle and told me to give it to you.”
…Cooper…
Just hearing his name made my heart skip as I opened the package. My eyes filled with tears as I opened the package to see a broken down book, with photos of us as children together. We both looked so happy…
“What…” I couldn’t speak. I turned to my brother, looking for more of an explanation.
“He said to tell you that you were never his second choice. Something like you were his only choice. Michelle said he is in the city actually. Meeting with his manager at the Williams Management building.”
The air grew thick. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with the information presented to me. I looked around the room for someone to tell me what to do. Tell me what to do! I felt faintish. Yup, I was about to pass out, and my legs were almost about to give up on me. That was until I turned to see Daddy’s hand on my shoulder. I felt his love and support running through his fingers.
“Go, Andie.”
I couldn’t. What would I say? What would I do?
“Notting Hill.” I turned to see my best friend smiling towards me. A Ladasha pep talk was definitely needed. She always knew. “You don’t have to prove yourself to him. Do what the girl in Notting Hill did.”
Eric kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You mean in the movie when she said, ‘I’m just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love me.’” It was Ladasha’s knees that almost gave out now. She’d met the one person who understood her wackiness and saw her and loved her for exactly who she was.
I turned towards my mom, who rolled her eyes. “Oh for Christ’s sake Anders. Go!” She handed me my purse, tossed me a pair of shoes, and pushed me out of the door before slamming it in my face. The door reopened and my mom held out an umbrella and jacket. “Make sure to use these. It’s wet out there and I don’t want you to get a cold. You know me, I worry.” She winked as I leaned in and kissed her cheek.
And I took off running.