Lifting onto my elbows, I urged him away and instructed, “Lie back.”
When he was resting against the headboard and pillows, I started at his ankles and worked my way up, touching him as he longed to be touched, christening his skin with the untainted wisp of my fingers. I caressed muscular calves and equally toned thighs. Glancing up, I saw that he’d closed his eyes again, his face a mask of bliss. Placing myself between his outstretched legs, I scooted on my knees until I was in a perfect position to do something I knew he’d never experienced.
This time, it was I who was forced to soothe and reassure as I took his turgid length in hand.
“Rhiannon…”
“It’s okay,” I whispered and lowered my head. His eyes were cloudy, his lips slightly parted as he watched me take him between my lips.
His hips bucked when I sucked, forcing him deeper into my mouth. I closed my own eyes then, trying to block out remembrances of another man who had no place in the moment. This wasn’t about Disco or our time together. This was about giving a gift to someone, doing something for Paine while I still could. No other had the power to give this to him—only me.
“That feels…” He gasped, fisting the sheets. “It feels…”
I moaned, and he inhaled loudly as the vibrations created by my mouth rippled against his cock. His leg muscles became tense against my knees. Through our connection, I was able to feel his pleasure and shock. This was foreign to him, something he’d only fantasized about, and the reality was so much better, so much sweeter, than he’d ever believed possible.
It wasn’t necessary for him to pull away as my lips glided up and down. I felt a glimpse of panic as he felt the tension in his body, that undeniable occurrence we all experience when we near climax. I pulled away before he lost control and advanced, prowling over his body, until I was straddling his waist.
Images of Disco flashed through my head. I didn’t have the courage to look Paine in the eye, aware he had to know what I was thinking and feeling. As though on cue, the large, grandfather clock in Paine’s living room chimed as a new hour arrived. The soft sounds were enough to break apart my doubts, a reminder that this was about sharing a moment when I could, since I might not ever have the opportunity again.
Paine wrapped his fingers around my left wrist. “Look at me.” It was hard to do, but I managed to meet his gaze. His expression mirrored what I felt—torn but determined. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I give you my word. We’ll figure out a way around everything. Trust me.”
I didn’t respond as I lowered my head and guided him with my free hand toward the haven of my body, feeling him slide against the heated wetness that would grant him easy entry. Words were no longer necessary—or possible—as I began the descent down his length, the broadness of his cock wider than I was accustomed to though slightly shorter, stretching me in the most delicious of ways.
Once again, memories of Disco clouded my mind, and I felt as if a spike were driven into my chest. Never again would I have this with the man I loved beyond reason, the man who was now dead but remained as important and essential to me as breathing.
“Don’t.” Paine squeezed my wrist, forcing me to look at him again. “I want you to see me. Be with me.”
He didn’t have to add “Not Gabriel.” I knew it was what he meant.
As I slid down until he was fully buried inside of me, I balanced myself with a hand on his stomach and looked into his face. There was such adoration there, so much need. His onyx eyes were unwavering, forcing me to see him and only him.