The dogs sniff it warily then launch into it, devouring it quickly.
I watch Lachlan as he stares down at them, arms folded across his wide chest, a quiet smile on his lips. His eyes are lit up, the corners of them crinkling slightly. The way he looks at the dogs is completely different from the way he looks at anyone else, myself included. There’s real love there.
That’s a look I’d die to have.
Take it easy, crazy pants, I quickly admonish myself. One kiss and a night of hand-holding and you’d think you were going to marry the guy.
I don’t even have to remind myself that he’s leaving next week.
As if sensing the finality of it all, Lachlan looks at me. “I guess I should call you a cab.”
“Oh, okay.” I look around for the time and spy the clock on his wall. It’s fucking 4:05 a.m. “Holy shit. I have to be up for work in three hours.”
He looks apologetic and unplugs his cell that was charging on the wall. “Time flies when you’re walking across San Francisco.”
He makes the call and tells me a cab is on the way.
I gesture to the dogs who are sniffing in the kitchen. “Are you going to be okay with these guys?”
“Aye, we’ll be fine. Come, let me walk you downstairs.”
He opens the door for me and we head down the hall. Once in the elevator, it’s awkward without the dogs there. We aren’t speaking and I’m not sure what we should be saying. There’s a lot I want to say to him. There’s even more that I want to do.
So many, many things.
But as we stand outside the building, I keep my eyes on the street, scanning for the cab. I want to stare at him. I want to take him in like a cool glass of water. It’s just that I’m so wired and tired that I’m afraid I’ll do something stupid.
“Thank you,” he says to me, and at that I finally meet his eyes.
“For what?”
“For being there,” he says. “Tonight. It was nice to not have to do it alone.” He pauses, licking his lips. “Sometimes…solitude can be blinding.”
God. I know this. I feel those words in my soul. My throat closes up with some flash of strange emotion.
He reaches for my face with his hand, grazes my cheekbone with his rough fingers. His brows knit together and his mouth opens like he wants to say something. I hold my breath, waiting, wondering, wanting.
The cab pulls up and honks, making me jump. Lachlan’s hand drops away.
I give the cabbie my death stare, sighing in frustration.
Rude.
I look back at Lachlan, wishing I could have those seconds back.
“So…” I say, fumbling for words.
“So,” he says. “We should get coffee this week. If you want, that is.”
“Coffee would be great,” I say.
Dick would be better, though.
He leans forward and kisses me softly on the lips. “See you soon, love.”
Fucking. Swoon.
When the cab finally drops me off at home, I stagger over to my bed and collapse on it, remembering at the last moment to set my alarm. I’m going to feel like absolute shit in the morning. I didn’t even get laid.
But, god, it was absolutely worth it.
I know I fall asleep with a smile on my face, because when the alarm rings a few hours later, blaring and unwelcoming in the dawn, I’m still smiling.
CHAPTER TEN
Lachlan
In the dream I’m five years old again. Walking down Princess Street in Edinburgh, alone, naked in the falling snow. Everything is the same and everything is different. The junkies I pass on the street are my friends. I see Eddie with his fingerless gloves, nails thick and yellow with nicotine. I see Thomas and his sobriety bracelets he never takes off, even though he’s too drunk to stand. I see Jenny with her peeling skin and matted hair held back with a plaid headband.
And they see me. But they don’t wave, they don’t smile. They scream as I pass them, until the noise is too loud, until their screams wrap their hands around my head and squeeze.