“How long do you have to be absent of dick before you’re considered re-virginized?”
Steph and Nicola look at me sharply, as if I’ve asked something that’s just blown their minds.
“Kayla,” Nicola admonishes.
“What?” I ask with a shrug and tilt my head at her. “Out of the three of us here, you’re the one who’d probably know. We practically had to shove dick in your face before you started getting it on with Bram. So, were you re-virginized or not?”
“I had a vibrator, you idiot,” Nicola says, sitting back in the booth and giving me the eye. I know that eye too well. It’s the “What the hell is wrong with you, and why are we still your friend?” look.
“Vibrators don’t count,” I tell her. “I’m talking actual peen. Was it like losing it all over again when Bram gave you the ram? The Bram ram. Wham, bam, thank you Bram?”
She rolls her eyes and exchanges a look with Steph. It’s only been a few weeks since Nicola reconnected with Bram, and she and her daughter Ava had moved out of my apartment and in with him. While I’m still a bit wary about Bram at times, mainly because hot Scottish men can’t be trusted, I have to say I miss having Nicola and Ava around. It’s kind of lonely without them, and I’m prone to just sitting around at night, eating frozen meals and watching reruns of The Vampire Diaries.
Of course, part of the reason I’m all alone and pigging out on preservatives is because I decided to take a vow of celibacy a few weeks ago. It’s not just no sex—it’s no flirting, no dating, no Tinder, no nothing. Boys, men, I’m not even giving them a second glance.
And I’d like to say that it’s all working out for me. I may be alone at home most of the time, but I’d rather be battling my urge to drink wine and online shop than to sleep with another guy who wouldn’t know a woman’s clit if it slapped him in the face. Hell, I’m sure when I jerk my hips, it literally is slapping them in the face, and yet they pretend like it doesn’t exist.
Not to mention the dates that go nowhere, the men who seem to have potential but then see you only as this half-Asian princess that they want all sweet and subdued, and meanwhile I’m all slapping them with my vag and cursing my head off.
It’s much, much easier this way. Less stressful.
“You all right there, Kayla?” Steph asks.
“Yes, why?”
“Because you’re holding onto the edge of the table like you’re about to go all Hulk on us.”
I look down at my hands, my knuckles whiter than my already pale skin. I slowly let go. Maybe I’m stressed after all.
“Are you sure this whole no men thing is a good thing?” she asks, taking a sip of her beer.
Truthfully, having her question it is exactly what I want to hear. Any excuse to just throw it out the window. But still, I’m nothing if not determined.
“It’s the right thing,” I tell her, raising my head and forcing myself to relax. I reach for my glass of wine, even though it’s my second glass and I’m already lightheaded. “It’s the only way,” I add gravely.
“And why are you doing this again?” Nicola asks.