The Opportunist

Chapter Six



The Past





“I’m not getting in the pool! It is freezing!”

“It’s November in Florida, Olivia. It’s seventy degrees out. Besides, it’s a heated pool. Man up.” Caleb was wading around in his boxers in the turquoise water of the campus swimming pool. I was trying to avoid looking at his muscles.

“You can’t manipulate me into the pool by making a sexist comment,” I said, leaning down to splash him in the face. He grabbed my wrist before I had time to withdraw.

Our eyes locked.

“Don’t,” I warned. For second I didn’t think he’d have the guts. Next thing I know I was tumbling headfirst into the freezing water.

I came up gasping for air, my hair wrapped unbecomingly around my face. Caleb peeled it away laughing.



“I can’t believe you did that!” I gasped, shoving him on the chest. It felt like I was pushing on hot rocks.



“You look good wet,” he said. “It would probably be easier to swim if you took off some of your clothes.”



Shooting him a searing look, I started a breaststroke toward the side of the pool.



“Ahh, not one for fun I see.” His voice was light when he said it but there was a definite challenge in his tone.



“Screw it,” I mumbled, stopping a foot away from the ladder. I was the type of girl that would ‘jump off of a bridge’ to spite my friends.

I was wearing my good underwear anyway. I ducked under the water and shed my polyester skin like a snake. I resurfaced seconds later with just my skivvies on.

Caleb unconsciously mouthed “wow.”



“To your fun,” I toasted him with my sopping wet clothes and then threw them at his head. He dodged and circled around to where I was treading water.

“Nice lace,” he smirked, eyeing me without shame.

“Can you not make it so obvious that you’re looking?” I felt violated. I submerged myself under the water until only my head was visible.

“I thought our relationship was about honesty,” he smiled.



“Pffffff. Our ‘relationship’,” I snickered, “is based on dares and blackmail.”



His eyes were twinkling. He had such expressive eyes. I wanted to crush that twinkle and kick him where it hurt.



“Blackmail is such a harsh word,” he said, swimming closer.



“You threatened to tell the school newspaper that I was the reason you missed the shot, Drake.” He was way too close for comfort now. I began peddling backwards. There was a scar at the corner of his right eye that I had never noticed before. It was just a faint crescent moon, but somehow it made him look dangerous—in a sexy way. I shook my head. These thoughts were not mine….they were Cammie’s—damn her.

“How did you get that scar?” I asked. I was shuffling along the bottom of the pool on my tiptoes to get away from him. He absently reached a finger out to touch it.

“I stole a pound note from my grandfather’s wallet and when he caught me, he decided to punish me with his walking stick.”



I felt one of those, ‘this is why he’s messed up,’ moments coming on and I prepared myself to understand him.



“Really?”



“No.”



I felt myself color red. I punched him on the arm as hard as I could.



“I fell off my bike when I was twelve,” he laughed, rubbing the spot where I hit him. “A very boring story.”



“At least it’s the truth,” I said, exasperated. “Someone like you doesn’t need to lie to be interesting.”



“Someone like me?” he asked. “You find me interesting Libby?”



“No, I don’t, and don’t call me Libby. You know you’re really quite simple and boring,” I said, sniffing.



He was looking away from me into the water.



“Did you drop a piece of your jewelry?”



“What?” his attention had shifted so suddenly, I felt offended.



“There’s something down there at the bottom of the pool.” He was pointing to a spot between our feet. I narrowed my eyes trying to see what he was staring at.

“I’m not wearing any jewelry,” I said impatiently, “it’s probably just a penny or something.”

I nudged it with my toe. It was bigger than a penny. Before he could say anything else, I ducked my head under the water to retrieve it. When my head broke the surface of the water, Caleb automatically scooted closer.

“What is it?” he was staring at my clenched fist.

“Let’s see,” I said theatrically, pulling my fingers slowly away from my palm. It was not jewelry. It was an old penny, flattened, and stamped with a message that entitled its bearer one free shot of affection, a kiss.

Before I realized what I was doing, I dropped the souvenir into his palm.



“You’re full of tricks tonight aren’t you?”



He was laughing…always laughing. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”



Before I could retort with something clever, Caleb reached out and scooped me around my waist. Even in the cold water, his touch felt scorching hot. He pulled me toward him and our bodies were pressed together, belly to belly, chest to chest. I was so shocked, that at first I made no protest. I hadn’t been this spatially close to another human being since I was an infant. He grinned, his eyes turning smoky with what I perceived as lust. I gave up fighting and allowed my lips to be steered toward his. This is for Cammie, I told myself. There was no ‘nice and easy’ with this boy. He grazed his tongue along the inside of my bottom lip. He was gentle at first, trying to coax my stubborn lips into some form of cooperation. I responded with the only thing I knew: frigid prudity. Caleb, undaunted by my lack of enthusiasm pulled away from me. His hands were wrapped around my waist, his fingers positioned right beneath my panty line. Our foreheads were touching and my breath was coming out in little gasps. It was embarrassing.

“Kiss me back, Olivia.” His voice was commanding, and for a second, I felt a flare of rebellion like I did when he instructed me to put on my seat belt. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. I didn’t win that fight. I probably wouldn’t win this one either. I might not even want to win it.

I could do it. Kissing was a no-brainer, like eating or walking. His lips came back a second time and I bent my head toward him, tilted like in the movies. I was ready this time, willing even. I jumped when we connected and his lips, which were pressed against mine, stretched into an amused smile. He laughed into my mouth. It was infuriating and incredibly sexy. I tried to pull away, but he pulled me back. The kiss. The kiss. The kiss. It was chocolate cake and fizzy passion and goose bumps. No one had ever kissed me like that before.

Then, he did the strangest thing—he pulled away and held me at arm’s length. The spell was broken.

“Olivia…” His voice was rough. I shook my head. I didn’t want to hear what he was going to say.

“I have to go,” I said quickly. The water, which had been still, began rippling as I struggled over to the side of the pool. In one smooth motion, I pulled myself up and out of the water and looked down at my shivering body. I was canoodling in a pool in my underwear with the college Casanova. I was a harlot. Grabbing my wet clothes from the ground I looked around in alarm. Someone was going to see me walk back wearing wet clothes.

“Olivia,” he said again. I refused to look at him. “Here,” he handed me his dry sweatshirt, which I accepted gratefully and pulled over my head. He opened his mouth.

“Look, whatever you’re going to say, don’t!”



He nodded. We walked out the gate and into the parking lot. Caleb retrieved a gym towel from his car and handed it to me. I dabbed at my face and hair and passed it back, my eyes on the floor. I was too ashamed to say anything. My behavior had been tacky. I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. I ground my molars together and pressed my eyes closed.

“Goodnight, Caleb.” I said quickly, sounding half strangled. I could feel his eyes on my back as I walked away. Why had he pulled away like that? The first time I’d ever let myself go, and I got a hard slap in the face.

“By tomorrow, he’ll forget you,” I hissed to myself, “and then you can move on with your life and forget what kissing him felt like.”

I woke up the next morning feeling as if I had swallowed a mouthful of gravel. My throat was burning and my body ached. I burrowed under my covers and tried to shut out images from the night before. They were stupid and reckless images that kept replaying themselves over and over until I wanted to scream. There was no room for mistakes in my life. I didn’t have any family or the back-spring of money. I had one shot to make something of myself and Caleb was the type of distraction that could throw my life off balance

He called twice during the day and once after dinner. I put my phone on silent and forbade Cammie from answering it. I got dressed for class on Monday morning, still slightly green and determined to pretend that nothing had happened. We had a Sociology class together, something he probably didn’t realize since it was one of the larger classes this semester, and I sat as far to the front of the room as he sat to the rear.

When I arrived, the auditorium was filling up quickly. Bleary eyed and dizzy, I made my way to the far left side of the building. Hidden by an overhang were five coveted seats shrouded in shadow. I wanted to hide there. Their usual occupants were the class sleepers and a guy who looked like Fred Flintstone gone Unabomber. Today I was lucky. Two seats had yet to be claimed. I began trotting across the aisles, my bag clutched in an iron grip to my side. I was halfway there when I heard my name called from the professor’s podium.



“Miss Kaspen?”



I froze. Professor Grubbs was addressing me through his microphone and people were turning in their seats to stare. I tried to keep walking like I hadn’t heard him.



“Miss Kaspen?” Professor Grubbs sang again, “where do you think you’re going?”





I turned slowly, plastering a smile over my gritted teeth. The obnoxious, insufferable, piece of….





“Good morning Professor,” I said sweetly.



His three chins were swinging beneath his grinning mouth like a pendulum. Caleb, whose head had been bent over his textbook a moment ago pivoted toward me in his seat. Caught. I looked over my shoulder longingly as two students slipped into the chairs I was headed for.

“Is there something wrong with your regular seat?” asked Professor Grubbs, motioning toward the front row. “Is it my breath?” He blew into his hand and pretended to sniff. There was collective snickering around the room.

I glared at him and quietly made my way to the front of the room.

Professor Grubbs was a three hundred pound bull with a penchant for being controversial. Students were intimidated by the professor's booming voice and over imposing presence. I found him loveable. But, not today—today I hated him.

“It looks to me like you’re hiding from someone.” He leaned on his podium, and for a second, I thought it was going to crack underneath his weight.

My eyes darted to Caleb. He was smiling.

Aaaargh!

“Hiding from someone?” I sighed as I sat. “Why would I be hiding from someone? And I thank you to not analyze my every move, especially for the entire class to hear,” I added with a hiss.

Professor Grubbs looked at me mischievously and then he cleared his throat into the microphone.



He kept his eyes on me when he said, “Is there anyone in this room who suspects Olivia Kaspen is avoiding them?”



Caleb raised his hand.



I dropped my head until my chin was touching my chest.



“Mr. Drake?” Professor Grubbs was openly surprised. “Please come and take a seat next to Olivia so I can watch her squirm.”



I heard his footsteps, then felt his presence next to me as he slid into a chair. I kept my head down.



“You’re quite a handsome boy,” Professor Grubbs said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this close before.”



I lifted my head and snorted. Professor Grubbs stared us down, his eyes traveling from Caleb to me with unveiled curiosity.



“I have a newfound hunger for knowledge, sir. I think I’ll be sitting this close from now on.”



“Now, I know that the rumors are true, Mr. Drake.”



“What rumors, Professor?” Caleb’s voice was cheerful, teasing even.



“You’re full of shit.” There was a rippling of laughter across the student body. Caleb smiled undaunted. He was basking in the attention.

“Feeling better?” he said, quietly, as the lecture had now begun.

“Yes. I’m fine.” I stared straight ahead and held my breath against his cologne.

As he reached into his bag, his leg brushed against mine. I jerked away, but it was too late, I already had that fairy wing feeling in my stomach.

“Sorry,” he mouthed, grinning. I scowled at him and slapped my textbook so hard on my desk that Professor Grubbs paused in his lecture to look over at me.

“Easy Slick,” he said under his breath. “If you start acting out every time you’re around me, people will catch on to how much you like me.”



My jaw unhinged.

I tried to listen to the lecture, I honestly did, but at the end of the fifty-minute class, I couldn’t recall a single thing that had been said. I had the smell of his cologne memorized, however, and I could tell you in detail about the patterns of movement that he made: tapping his pencil on his book in sequences of three, shifting his legs out from under his desk so that one bounced up and down on the toe of his foot and the other stretched lazily in front of him. When we were dismissed, I shot out of my seat like a live cannon ball and headed for the door. He didn’t pursue me. In fact, when I turned back to get a look at where he was, I couldn’t see him at all. My first reaction was that of relief and then disappointment. Perhaps, he finally got the message, and he was out of my hair for good.

He was waiting for me in front of my dorm building later that day. I straightened my back and took the next few seconds to get my emotions under control. Breathe, Olivia, he’s just another boy and they’re all made of the same junk. I stopped a few feet away from where he was standing, if I smelled him, I knew I would lose resolve. This was picturesque. Us standing under a streetlight in an emotional face-off, messenger bags crossed across our chests.

“Caleb,” I said my voice too high, “I’m going to be honest.” He nodded blinking slowly.

“I’m just not interested…in what you’re…interested in. I like you, but just as a friend.” I stopped to check his face, which was as unreadable as War and Peace, and threw in one last jab to bring my point home. “I just don’t think we’re compatible.”

“That’s not how it feels to me.” He looked alarmingly intense and I had to stare at my shoes to avoid being sucked into his eyes.

“Um, well I’m sorry. I guess we’re just on two different wave lengths,” I stammered.

“No, that’s not what I meant. I know you like me just as much as I like you. But, it’s your choice, and I am a gentleman. You want me to back off-okay. Goodbye, Olivia.” He walked away.

I looked after him in dismay. Had I really just done that? I wanted to chase after him and tell him that I only partially meant it and that every time I was around him I felt intoxicated, and if he could please just kiss me one more time so I could be sure I was doing the right thing.

I didn’t of course.

Caleb, true to his word, steered clear of me for the next five months. So clear, in fact, that sometimes when we passed each other around campus he would stare right through me.

I kept thinking about what my mother would have said about this situation.



“A real chunk of man meat and you screw it up because you’re afraid. You’re too much like your father, Olivia.”



I was a relationship retard. I kicked, shoved, and punched people out of my life, so they never had a chance to hurt me.



Life carried on, but all of a sudden it wasn’t the same. There was a change in me. I couldn’t put my finger on it but somewhere in my brain a new door had appeared and despite my hardest efforts to keep it closed, my thoughts kept going there, wandering around in the empty room, putting up images of Caleb. Sometimes I felt sad for days, then my mood would swing and I would feel incredible rage towards him for messing with my head. Around the second month of my emotional torture, I gave up the fight. Obviously, I no longer wanted to be an island. Maybe it was time to open up and experiment with relationships.

I became interested in boys almost overnight. I enlisted Cammie’s help and she gave me lessons on blow-drying my hair, doing my make-up, and, like any true friend, introduced me to the padded bra. This new, smooth and puckered look, along with great effort on my part not to be dour, got me one date and then two. By month four, I owned my very own pair of hot rollers and had accumulated a small group of ardent admirers.

I was seeing Brian the brain who was a pre-med major, Tobey who drove a Lamborghini and took me to swanky restaurants, and of course there was Jim, a poet who was too artsy fartsy for his own good. He smoked a carton of Marlboro’s day and could recite chunks of Tolstoy. He was my favorite, everything he did and said was so bold it gave me a thrill. There was of course, just one problem with all of these men: they were not filling that ‘Caleb room’ in my head. He was like an itch that never went away. I thought of him when I looked at trees, buildings, and when I was in the check-out line at Target choosing gum. I thought of him when I brushed my teeth and when Cammie was babbling on and on about the color of her new shoes (which she claimed were salmon, but were to my estimation, coral). After five months, I was sick and tired of seeing his face in my head. Caleb saturated my existence and I was screwed. To make matters worse—he was everywhere, involved in everything, and smiling at everyone. I couldn’t get away from him. I stopped seeing Tobey and Brian and kept Jim on the backburner because I genuinely liked him as a person. I gave up dating, it wasn’t me anyway, and took up professional stalking instead.

I kept up on who Caleb was dating through Cammie’s gossip chain, a classic group of nosy freshman who had wagging tongues, and too little homework. I knew that he dated Susanna because she had killer legs, and Marina because she loved basketball, and she had killer legs. I knew that he took Emily to Disney World for their one-month anniversary and that Danielle got a Burberry purse for her twenty-second birthday. I knew all of these things, and yet, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him.

“You remind me of that slimy looking dwarf from Lord of the Rings,” Cammie commented one day. I had just finished quizzing her on Caleb’s evening at Passions Nightclub where she had seen him carrying on with a new blonde.

“He’s a hobbit.”



“Yeah. My precious, right?”



I flipped her the bird.



In early March, when the migrant birds spread their wings for home, Caleb started dating a Barbie doll. Her name was Jessica Alexander. She was a transfer student from Las Vegas, where she worked as a professional dancer in the Toni Braxton show. Her legs were endlessly long, her hair impossibly blonde, and it was widely rumored that her parents were the heirs to the Oscar Myer hotdog fortune. I stopped eating hot dogs and convinced myself that he would become bored with her, like he had with all the others. Blonde’s never had much brain activity going on anyway. It was just a matter of biding my time, looking hot and being available when the right moment presented itself.



My theory crumbled when the school paper issued its February cover story. I found Jim reading a copy at the café where I was meeting him for a latte. Jessica’s face was smiling up at me from the front page where a bold caption read, “Beauty and the Books.” I snatched the paper from his hands and stared at the article with my mouth twisted in a jealous pout.

“She has the highest GPA in her major?” My stomach felt sour. “What’s her major? Pre-Polka Dots?”



Jim laughed, flicked a cigarette out of its carton and struck a match all in one cool movement.



“Actually, it’s Pre-Law. She’s one of yours and obviously doing better than you at it.”



I felt my mouth go dry.



“Why haven’t I seen her in any of my classes?” I shot back, scanning the article to see if it was true.



“Maybe she’s already taken the classes you’re in. Maybe she skipped them because she’s so smart.” I grunted and took a swig of his coffee. This was a monkey wrench. I mean—wasn’t it enough that she had her sausage money coming to her? She had to take Caleb and a stellar GPA all in one sweep? If he was going to date a smart girl, it should be me. It should be me!

He wanted me and I turned him away because prude ran thick in my veins.

I decided to befriend the enemy. Breaking into Jessica’s cabbage patch of friends was the only way I was going to be able to cause trouble. She had to like me. I began an observation of Jessica’s group of girlfriends that stuck to her like denture paste. They were impossibly friendly, but without the true loyalty of a Cammie. I coined them ‘priends’ (pretend friends). They bonded by shopping and threw the word ‘like’ into every sentence. “It’s, like, so cool to shop with you. You, like, know my style so well.” “You have, like, the best hair.” “When Brad broke up with me, you were, like, sooo my support system”.

Jessica lived just a few doors down from me and I began smiling at her as we passed each other in the hallway. Gradually, I moved on to a polite ‘hello.’ Being popular, she responded glassy eyed and with a small smile that tugged automatically at the corners of her mouth. A few weeks in, she began noticing me—waving at first, then one day telling me she liked my shoes. I learned that pretty girls tend to notice other pretty girls, if only to size up their competition. I was somewhat proud that I had drawn the eyes of such a figurine of beauty. If she was noticing me, maybe her boyfriend was too.

Our first official chat came one afternoon, as I was in the campus laundry room. I had just collected my clean clothes from the dryer when she arrived with a basket full of her dirties. Seeing this as a kind act of fate, I dumped my neatly folded load back into the washing machine and started a conversation that went something like this….

“Watch out for that machine, it destroyed my Channel pajama’s last week.” She looked up, eyes big, her hand poised over the open washer. Of course, I didn’t have Channel pajamas, I didn’t even know if Channel made pajamas, but if they did, this girl would have a set.

“Were they the new ones? With the silver embroidery on the cuffs?” Bingo. I nodded.

“How awful. I swear this school refuses to spoon out any money for, like, decent amenities.”

I poured a capful of blue detergent into the machine and slammed it shut.

“Didn’t you, like, move here from Vegas or something?” I asked, as I casually walked over to the soda machine and slid my coins into the slot.

Jessica nodded. “Yea, I, like, needed a change. I came here for a semester to try it out, but then I met my boyfriend and decided to stay.”

“Who’s your boyfriend?” I jabbed the button that would give me a Coke and bent at the knees to retrieve it from the bin.



Her face changed when she said his name. I hated her for it.



“Caleb Drake. He’s on the basketball team. He’s a really cool guy—total gentleman.”



Her voice was unbelievably annoying.

“Yeah? That’s hard to find, guys now days are such…..” I was trying to find the right word, the kind she would use, “stupid jerks,” I smiled.

Jessica nodded at me, her graceful eyebrows furrowed. I felt the denture-paste pull. She was accepting me into her “preindship.”



“Literally, I’m never letting him go. I’m gonna marry this boy.”





I hated it when literally was used for non-literal things. I popped the tab on my soda can and returned her grin.



Over my dead body…. literally.





Florida was wet. The forever blue sky was wearing chunky grey clouds like accessories. It had been like this for a week and I was sick of seeing umbrella’s bobbing all over campus. I decided to take my textbook to the student lounge to study. I tucked a few snacks and my reading material into a bag and headed out the door scribbling a note telling Cammie to bring me dinner from the cafeteria.

I took the elevator down a floor and headed west toward the quieter of the two study lounges in my building. The room was dingy and smelled like dirty socks but it was hardly ever occupied and I kind of liked the leftover ambiance of the place. I rounded a corner and saw a familiar blonde head framed in the window. Jessica. I was about to offer my most cheery ‘like hello’ when I noticed the droopy way she was holding her shoulders. They were crying shoulders. I was very familiar with this scene. I looked around cautiously. Blondes in distress were never alone. There were usually friends, comforting, patting, reassuring…

The hallway was empty. I took a step forward and stopped. Maybe they had broken up. Hope tickled my chest and I swept it away annoyed. There was no use getting ahead of myself.

“Jessica? Are you alright?” I placed a hand on her shoulder and she turned to look at me with wet doe eyes. There was a collection of soggy tissues lining the windowsill. I wondered how long she had been hiding out here.

“Hi,” she said weakly, her voice hoarse.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

She turned back to the window and dabbed at her nose. She was quiet for a long time and I shuffled my feet wondering if she had forgotten I was there. I was about to say something when she started sobbing.

“I…. sob...think…hiccup—sob…that I’m…gasp—hiccup…pregnant…”

I let the news sink in. She had toned down her crying and was mewling softly into a tissue. I evaluated my position, her position, and his position. Things were looking shitty for all of us.

“Okay,” I breathed. “Have you told him yet?”



“No.”



“Does anyone know?”



She shook her head.



“My…sniff…parents would…disown me and …I’m so scared of…gasp…losing him.”

“Of course.” I sounded sympathetic, and part of me actually was. A part so miniscule it made an atom look like a fist.

“What are you going to do?” I plucked the dirty tissues from the sill and tossed them in the trash.

“There’s nothing I can do. I….I have an appointment on Saturday but I need someone to take me and I don’t want to tell any of my friends, you know? I’m still pretty new here. I don’t want them to look at me differently.” I highly doubted they would. The semester before Jessica arrived two of her closest preinds were rumored to have undergone the same procedure.

“Why don’t you tell Caleb? He would understand. I mean he’s halfway responsible for Pete’s sake.”

“Noooo,” she grabbed onto my arm and looked at me with her big eyes. “I told him I was on birth control…and I meant to start taking it again, I’ve just been so busy—school and him… I never thought this would happen. I was so careful about everything. I have no one that I can trust.”

She attached herself to me then; arms wrapped around my neck, head face-down on my shoulder. I realized with discomfort that she was hugging me, looking for some kind of consolation. I patted her back the way I would a smelly person and detached myself.

“I’ll take you.”

“Really?” she wiped away the wetness on her cheeks leaving scars of black mascara. “You would do that?”



“Of course. I’m removed enough from the situation. You won’t have to get your friends involved, and Caleb will never have to know.”

“It’s on Saturday at seven,” she replied grasping me in hug that was so desperate I flinched. “Thank you so much, Olivia.”



Now there was a surprise. After all the talking we did that day while tending to our clothes, she had never once asked my name, not even after I asked hers. Popular girls surmised that everyone knew who they were. Duh! Jessica Alexander. Don’t you read the school paper? Jessica had no reason to know my name.

“I don’t remember telling you my name,” I smiled at her.

“Everyone knows your name. You’re the girl Caleb missed the shot for right?” I felt the shock right down to my red painted toe nails. How could I forget my fifteen minutes of fame? My sour run with popularity? I shrank back suddenly feeling self-conscious. That had been a dark, dark time in my life.

“Don’t worry, he explained to me about your…inclinations…” The word ‘inclinations’ rolled off of her tongue like a well sucked lifesaver. It dropped in the middle of us, shouting its scary implications at me… “that you’re gay,” she buffered, smiling, “any woman that turns Caleb down has to either be a lesbian or crazy. See you Saturday.”

Touché.

I shuffled back to my room in a daze, considering two options.

One. Caleb, decided the only reason I could reject him was because I was gay. Two. Caleb tells everyone I am a lesbian as revenge for blowing him off. Either way, I was going to have to air my sexuality to clear things up.