“Go after him,” Regan urged. “Now he thinks you don’t like him.”
“He’s right. I don’t like him.” Her voice wobbled with the lie. The truth was, she didn’t like herself. She was always fighting against her circumstances—always at odds with everyone else. Always trying to fit into a system that wouldn’t accommodate her. She didn’t even know who she was anymore. Why was it so important that Dan acknowledge her strengths and skills when she knew how much she’d accomplished? When would she stop waiting for her brothers or father to pat her on the head and tell her how good she’d done when she’d proved to herself over and over again how capable she was?
She was an amazing soldier. One of the best she’d ever met, and the real truth was that the pain she’d been feeling had little to do with the Army, and everything to do with her fear that she wouldn’t be good at anything else.
The time had come for her to leave the military and try something new. She just didn’t know what it was. For one moment she’d thought it was to join forces with Dan, both in his business and in their personal lives. To create a life with him. Maybe even a family someday.
He didn’t want to share his dream with her, though.
“Sarah.” Regan touched her arm and Sarah realized despite her resolution, tears were streaking down her cheeks.
“I don’t know what to do next. I don’t know who I am if I’m not a soldier. I don’t ever seem to fit in anywhere.”
“Oh, honey.” Regan didn’t try to give her an answer, or tell her what to do. She waited patiently until Sarah got herself under control again.
“I’m so lame.” Sarah scrubbed her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt.
“You’re not lame. You think Mason didn’t go through something like this? And Austin too? And Zane?” Regan lifted her hands. “Transitioning from the military to civilian life has got to be one of the trickiest things I’ve ever seen. Give yourself time to figure it out and the space you need to try a few things before you settle on any one of them.”
“In other words, I shouldn’t marry the first SEAL who asks me, especially if he won’t even let me work with him.”
Regan stared at her. “Is that what’s going on? Did Dan ask you to marry him?”
“Not exactly.” Sarah turned back to her packing. “He might want a wife, but he sure as hell isn’t looking for a partner.” Her heart squeezed painfully as she acknowledged the truth of that. As much as she was attracted to Dan, she couldn’t be happy on the periphery.
“You’re still leaving?” Regan sounded bereft.
“I’ll catch the first flight out.”
“She won’t stay. She’s totally pissed.”
“Can’t you tell her that all SEALs are assholes?”
Dan halted on the stairs when he heard Regan and Mason talking in the kitchen. From the delicious smells wafting from the room, breakfast would soon appear and the rest of the household would join them. He needed to make his apologies and get out of here quick.
He should have known better than to fall for a female soldier. Now he had ruined everyone’s holiday. He’d thought Sarah was different, though. He’d thought she might make a real partner for him—a woman both beautiful and brave.
In the end she’d only slept with him to prove a point—that she was better than him. He’d seen it before; female soldiers so intent on proving their equality they ceased to care about the fun that could come from there being differences between the sexes. Not that this was about sex. Far from it. If things between him and Sarah had only been a fling it would have been easy to walk away from her. But he’d opened his heart to her. He’d let her in.
She’d taken what she could get and turned her back on him. So it was fun. It didn’t mean a damn thing.
It had meant something to him.
He stepped forward and cleared his throat. “Mason, Regan—you’ve been great hosts and I’ve enjoyed my time here, but I think I better head out today.”
Mason exchanged a look with his wife. “Not you, too. Sarah’s bailing on us as we speak.”
“I can’t believe you two are going to spoil everything for everyone.” Regan crossed her arms over her chest.
“I really apologize. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
Regan shook her head. “For a couple of elite warriors, you’re the biggest cowards I’ve ever seen.” She flounced out of the room, leaving Mason to shrug at him.
“Sorry, man. She’s pretty upset. She wanted the holidays to be special.”
“I don’t blame her. I thought they were pretty special until today.”
“What happened between you and Sarah?”
“Crossed signals.” He didn’t trust himself to say more.
Mason opened his mouth to say something, but Regan strode back into the room, waving her phone. “I called a cab for you. It’ll be here in fifteen minutes and take you straight to the airport.”