The Moment of Letting Go

“I’m just looking out for you,” Kendra says, dropping the humor. Then she leans forward awkwardly so her loose white tank doesn’t fall into her food. “She’s afraid of heights, Luke. Heights, of all things. If it weren’t for that blatant fucking red flag I wouldn’t be saying shit to you right now.” She pulls back and sits upright again.

Kendra makes a very valid point. She knows, I know, we ALL know relationships never work out with someone who doesn’t get our lifestyle, but I refuse to let her know I get it.

“I’m not getting involved,” I say simply and go back to my meal just as Sienna is coming down the steps of the lanai.

I reach over and move Sienna’s plate from her chair as she approaches, holding it for her until she takes her seat again. Her eyes pass over Kendra, but her beautiful smile remains in place and it only makes me like her more. I know she’s probably wondering what’s up with Kendra exactly, maybe even if Kendra and I used to go out or something, but I guess this isn’t the time or place to get into those kinds of details.

Sienna looks over at me. I smile back at her and notice her glance at Kendra once more. I’m starting to wish I hadn’t brought her here, and I probably wouldn’t have if I’d known Kendra was going to be here too.

“I really need to be getting back to my hotel,” Sienna says kindly. “I’m exhausted.”

I nod and get up with my half-eaten plate of food in my hand.

“Yeah, sure, not a problem. I’ll take you back now.”

Sienna said in the hallway that she was having a great time, but I think for the most part she was just being nice. In fact, I know it. And I feel like a total dick for bringing her here and making her feel uncomfortable.

But I still have time to fix this.

I take Sienna’s plate and stack it on top of mine.

“It was nice meeting you,” she says to Kendra.

Kendra smiles in return. “You, too,” she says and I’m glad there wasn’t any underlying meaning behind her expression that Sienna might’ve detected—at this point, I think Kendra knows better than to push me any further than she already has.

We leave and head for the bus station.

While on the bus I look over at Sienna and say, “I just want you to know that Kendra is just a friend. Well, she’s more than that—she’s like a sister to me, but that’s it.”

Sienna smiles softly and I’m not sure if she believes me or not.

“It’s all right,” she says. “Even if she was ever something more, it’s none of my business anyway.”

She doesn’t believe me. Dammit!

“I’m serious,” I tell her and lean forward from the seat so I can get her full attention. “I know she seems—”

“No, really,” Sienna cuts in, “it’s OK. You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

“Actually, I do,” I say right away.

She blinks, but says nothing.

“Look, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, and if anyone I know can pull that off, it’s Kendra, but I didn’t know she was going to be at the barbecue.” I pause because I realize I’m just jumping around the point, and then decide to do what I always do—be vague. “She was my brother’s girlfriend.” I pause again, because I don’t like to talk about it and every time I start to, even when at first I feel like it’s going to be OK and that I can get through it, I realize that I can’t.

I fall back against the bus seat, resting my head and looking up at the fiberglass ceiling.

“Are you OK, Luke?” Sienna’s voice is so sweet and caring that I wish it were closer—she’s not even touching me and I feel like her arms are wrapped around me in solace.

My head falls to the side and I look at her.

“I’ll be fine if you tell me that you’ll spend the entire day with me tomorrow.” I smile softly and brace myself because all I want in the world right now is for her to say yes.

Slowly, her lips spread amid her delicate freckled face and my insides begin to warm just looking at her.

“I had hoped that’s what I’d be doing the whole two weeks,” she says, and my heart stops beating for a moment.

She blushes and starts to look downward—she does that a lot, I’ve noticed, and I think it’s adorable. I reach over and fit my fingers underneath her chin, keeping her gaze on me.

“Are you blushing?” I ask with a grin.

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