I smile and brush her jawline again with my fingertips.
“Sienna,” I say, and she looks right at me, “I’d rather be with a girl who doesn’t BASE jump—granted, if you were into it I’d still have a thing for you. Seriously, you couldn’t be more perfect the way you are.”
Her smile is faint, but it’s there. I touch the tip of her cute freckled nose and then her lips.
“But why don’t you want to be with a girl who BASE jumps?”
I pause and then just tell her the truth.
“Because I’m selfish. And I’m a hypocrite.”
That surprises her; faint lines of confusion appear around her eyes.
“Because BASE jumping is dangerous, Sienna,” I begin to elaborate. I sigh deeply, her head rising with my stomach. “It makes me sick with nerves when I know my girl is going to jump because I just don’t trust her to”—this isn’t coming out like I planned—“well, it just scares the shit out of me. I know I’m safe—well, as safe as I can be, considering. I’m OCD when it comes to packing my gear and making sure that the tiniest thing has been checked three times. I’m really careful, and it’s why I’m still alive. But not everybody is as careful as I am, or takes safety as seriously as I do. You wouldn’t believe how many people get into this sport thinking it’s just another sport and think they’re invincible. Well, it’s not just another sport and none of us are invincible. I just don’t want to be with a girl I have to worry about every time she steps off the edge.”
She just looks at me, probably not sure what to say.
“Hypocritical and selfish—I admit it. Maybe that’s my biggest flaw of all.”
Her faint smile brightens a little and her lips fall on my stomach briefly.
“What about the other stuff?” she asks. “Skydiving and rock climbing and all that?”
“If you ever decided you wanted to skydive, I’d support you and be there for you.” She raises her head from my stomach and props the side of her cheek in her upraised hand, her elbow pressed into the mattress on my other side. “But don’t ever think I’d be disappointed that you never wanted to do it,” I go on. “I may be helping you out with your fear of heights, but I don’t ever expect you to do anything that your heart’s not into. I happen to like you just the way you are.”
She smiles.
“Come here,” I say, reaching out and grabbing her arms, pulling her on top of me, where she lies down fully across the length of my naked body, resting her chin on the tops of her hands lying flat against my chest so that she’s looking right into my eyes.
“There’s something important I want you to know,” I tell her as I brush her hair behind both ears. “I never want you to feel like you have to be someone you’re not. Not for me, not for anyone. Do you understand?” I hold her face in my hands firmly, peering deep into her eyes. “Never change who you are, Sienna.” I know in my heart that she’s too strong for that, to change who she is for someone else, but I still want her to know how I feel about it, that I’d never expect it of her.
A profound smile warms her eyes.
“Y’know,” she says as my hands slide away from her cheeks, “I don’t think I ever really knew who I was … I still don’t completely, Luke, but since I met you, for the first time in my life I’ve begun to find myself.”
I smile thoughtfully and let her go on, needing to hear this as much as I know she needs to say it.
“I majored in business, even though I had no idea why—no interest in it whatsoever. All I knew was that I needed to find a good job so I didn’t have to struggle the way my parents did. And I wanted to help them.” She laughs lightly with a hint of sarcasm, looking off at nothing. “And I did get a good job and I make enough that I can help them now, and my parents won’t even accept it.”
“I can relate,” I say. “My parents were like that, but you know what I did?”