“Is that what happened last night? He needed you?”
Nora grasped her hands between her knees.
“No,” she admitted. “I went to him. I needed him.”
“For pain?”
“For...everything.”
“You slept with him.”
It wasn’t a question so she didn’t bother answering it.
“Can’t have you, right? Not until they find that asshole who knocked Natasha out. A girl’s got needs.” She plucked at a loose thread on the faded jeans she lived in on her days off. “You think I’m a slut?”
Lance laughed loudly, so loudly it surprised her.
“I think you forgot that I was in the Navy. Once upon a Fleet Week...Well, you know.”
“Oh, I know Fleet Week. Except the women in the Underground don’t call it Fleet Week. We call it ‘Christmas in May.’”
“Trust me, this sailor is not going to judge you for having sex with two different men in one week. You’d have to do triple that to beat my record.”
“Six men in one week? Your poor ass.”
“Six women,” he corrected, shooting her a dirty look. “But you get the point.”
“Damn.” Even Nora had to be impressed by six.
“I was young.”
“I wanna be that young. Can I be that young?”
Lance rubbed his forehead and groaned a little. The groan turned into a laugh.
“I’m sorry.” Lance finally at up straight again. “I didn’t mean to overreact. I...I just don’t like the thought of someone hurting you.”
“I promise, it was consensual. It’s always consensual with him. I like pain just like you do. I like sex just like you do. And just like you do, I don’t like it when I’m judged for what I’m into.”
“Point taken. Point very well taken.” He sighed and leaned back, sinking into the couch cushions. “So you’re a Switch? I would never have guessed, not in a million years.”
“I’m a damn good Domme, aren’t I?”
“You are. I can’t even picture you kneeling in front of some jackass man.”
“He’s not a jackass. Even when I’m standing I might as well be kneeling.”
“Why?”
“Because...he’s eight feet tall.”
She gave him a wink and Lance laughed again, this time in shock.
“The priest?”
“The priest,” she admitted. “He was my first Dominant. First lover. First everything that mattered. Don’t go thinking anything sick or weird, though. I was twenty before we had sex the first time, before he beat me the first time. He’s not one of those kinds of priests.”
“You sure about that?”
“Oh, I’m sure. Trust me, I seduced him. Not the other way around.”
“How much older is he than you?”
“Fourteen years.”
“I want to kill him.”
“Get in line,” Nora said. “You have a lot of competition for that privilege. Mainly from me.”
“Love-hate relationship?”
“Mostly hate these days.”
“Is he as much of an asshole as I hope he is?”
“No,” she said with a sigh. ”He’s just very good at playing one when he’s in the mood.”
“Then why all the hate?”
Nora weighed her words. She could give Lance the usual bullshit answers. S?ren was a total hardass as a Dominant—true. He loved playing mind games—also true. He’s a sadist who couldn’t get aroused without causing pain or severe humiliation—very true. But still...none of those were reasons to hate him. Not for her anyway. And Lance deserved better than a half-truth or a full lie.
“Hate’s like lube,” she finally said. “Makes it easier to get in and get out. If it was all love with S?ren, if I didn’t make myself hate him, I don’t think I could get out again.”
Lance looked at her and, although it took all her willpower, she managed not to turn away from his intense stare. With her answer, she’d let him see a part of her soul she rarely shared with anyone, the part that still loved S?ren even though she didn’t want to. In the Underground, she played the part of the invincible Dominatrix perfectly. Even leaving S?ren had become part of her legend, her mythos. She’d defeated the Dominant of Dominants by leaving him and his collar behind. At the club she and S?ren treated each other like equals, like rivals. It was Sheriff Pat Garrett versus Billy the Kid down there sometimes and everyone did love an outlaw. S?ren stood for law and order in the Underground. Nora caused as much playful chaos as she could. And no one knew how often Nora returned to S?ren’s bed by cover of darkness and slipped out again before sunrise.
Now Lance knew, and knowing he knew lifted a weight off her shoulders, one she didn’t know she’d been carrying.
“It’s hard to pretend to be something you’re not,” Lance said, taking her hand in his and rubbing her palm in a manner both soothing and erotic. “The guys I served with, they thought I was old-fashioned the way I treated women. They didn’t know about what I really was. They wouldn’t have understood.”