‘That’s the thing,’ he said softly. ‘It’s not a her. It’s a him.’
It took a lot to render Tatiana speechless. But this, temporarily at least, had done it. She looked at Jason for a long time. At least twice she opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again, an expression of frank astonishment written on her face.
‘A him?’ she said at last.
‘Yes.’
‘So … you’re gay?’
‘I’m in love with a man,’ Jason replied. ‘So I suppose so, yes.’
‘But … you were in love with a woman before. With me.’
‘That’s true,’ agreed Jason. ‘It was never quite right, though, was it? Something was always wrong. Right from the beginning.’
Tati nodded. It was a shock. She hadn’t suspected, not at all. But it did explain a lot. Something had always been missing between them. She’d just always assumed that she was the problem.
‘I adored you,’ said Jason. ‘I wouldn’t want you to think I married you under false pretences. But as time went on, I knew something was wrong. I was very depressed.’
‘I remember.’
‘I just didn’t know why until I met George. After that it all made sense.’
‘George …’ Tati rolled the name over in her mind. She tried to picture this ‘George’ but all she could think of was an image of Matt Damon from the Liberace movie, all blond hair and tight trousers and rhinestones. To her dismay, she found herself starting to giggle.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, blushing. ‘I’m not laughing at you. It was brave of you to tell me. I think I’m just in shock.’
‘It’s OK,’ said Jason. ‘I’d rather you were laughing than crying. I truly am sorry.’
They hugged each other.
‘So,’ Tati said, once she’d regained her composure, ‘what happens now? Presumably you and … George … want to be together?’
Jason rubbed his eyes wearily. ‘Actually it’s complicated.’
Tati raised a questioning eyebrow.
‘He’s married,’ said Jason. ‘He has kids.’
‘Oh.’ Tati winced. ‘I see.’ Suddenly she felt immensely tired. ‘Why don’t we go to bed?’ she said to Jason. ‘I know there’s a lot to talk about. But we don’t have to rush into any decisions right away.’
‘All right,’ said Jason, visibly relieved. ‘Thanks for being so good about it, Tati. I’ll move my stuff into the spare room.’
‘Don’t,’ she said. ‘Not yet.’
He gave her a puzzled look.
‘I realize it probably sounds ridiculous,’ she explained. ‘But I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. I don’t want to lose you. Not completely. Not yet.’
Jason wrapped his arms around her. ‘Nor I you,’ he said truthfully. ‘I’ll always be there for you, Tatiana. Whatever you need. I promise.’
When Tatiana woke the next morning, it was almost noon. A single shaft of brilliant sunshine pierced a crack in the curtains, throwing a laser-bright slice of light onto the bed and into Tati’s eyes.
Groaning she rolled over onto her stomach, as the events and revelations of last night gradually came back to her. Jason lay next to her, still deeply asleep, his chest rising and falling like a baby’s. Looking at him, she felt a wave of affection. It was an immense relief to have the truth out in the open at last, at least between the two of them. The future would be different, and complicated. She assumed they would divorce at some point, but she felt no sense of urgency, only a deep peace that somehow, things would all work out all right in the end. All the guilt she’d been carrying around about her one-night stand with Leon DC in the Hamptons had been blown away like a dandelion seed on the breeze in the light of Jason’s revelations. She felt lighter this morning, renewed and happy to a degree she hadn’t felt in years. Like Scrooge on Christmas morning, after all the ghosts had gone.