“But he has a point.” Stick kicked at a loose bit of pavement, not meeting my eyes. “I’m the weakest link in the gang. I’m not good at stealing like Rat or fighting like Lucas, and I’m not brave enough to go scavenging outside the Wall by myself like you. What am I good for, if I can’t even take care of myself?”
I shrugged, uncomfortable with this conversation. “What do you want me to say?” I asked, my voice coming out sharper than I’d intended. Maybe it was the fight with Rat, maybe I was still tense from last night. But I was tired of listening to excuses, of him wishing for things to be different. In this world, you were either strong, or you were dead. You did what you had to if you wanted to survive. And I could barely take care of myself; I couldn’t worry about someone else’s insecurities. “You don’t like the way you are?” I asked Stick, who shrank back from my tone. “Fine—then don’t be that way. Grow some balls and tell Rat to piss off. Punch him in the nose if he tries to bully you. Do something, but don’t just roll over and take it.” He seemed to collapse in on himself, looking miserable, and I sighed. “You can’t depend on me forever,” I said in a softer voice. “Yeah, we look out for each other, mostly. Yeah, Lucas preaches family and all-for-oneness and whatever, but that’s a load of crap. You think any of them would jump in front of a vampire for you?” I sneered at the thought. “Lucas would be the first one out the door, with Rat right behind him. And me.”
Stick turned away, hunching his shoulders. It was an old tactic of his, avoid the problem and hope it went away, and that only pissed me off more. “I know that’s not what you wanted to hear,” I continued ruthlessly, “but, God, Stick, wake up! This is the way things are. Sooner or later, you’re going to learn that it’s everyone for themselves out here, and the only person you can depend on is you.”
He didn’t answer, just continued staring down at the pavement. I turned away as well, leaning against the wall. I wasn’t worried. Give him a few minutes, and he’d be back to normal, talking and pretending that nothing had happened. If he wanted to keep burying his head in the sand, I wouldn’t stop him. But I wasn’t going to keep holding his hand anymore, either.
After several long minutes, Rat and Lucas still hadn’t showed. I fidgeted and glanced at the sky through the grate. Hurry up, you two. Cutting it this close to evening was already making me jumpy. But I wanted that food. I was hungry again, and knowing there was a whole stash of food out there, just beyond the wall, was driving me crazy. I’d almost forgotten what it was like not to be starving all the time. Not feeling your stomach cramp so badly you wanted to puke, only there was nothing in it to throw up. Not having to eat roaches and spiders, just to stay alive. Or share a crust of stolen bread with Stick, because if I didn’t take care of him, he would curl up somewhere and die. If we could get to that food, I wouldn’t have to worry about any of that for a long, long time. If Rat and Lucas ever got their sorry butts down here.
And then, I had another thought, one that the cynical street rat in me hadn’t had before. If we could get all that food, I wouldn’t have to worry about Stick as much. Lucas would probably be happier and less stressed, and might agree to learn how to read. Even Rat might go for it—if I could stomach teaching him, anyway. Again, I had no idea where it would lead, but every revolution had to start somewhere.
The vampires have taken everything from us, I thought, angrily kicking a pebble into a wall. Well, I’m going to make sure we take something back.
First things first, though, and that was surviving.
Several minutes later, Rat and Lucas finally showed up. Both were panting, and Rat glared daggers at me as he dropped from the ladder, his beady eyes filled with fear and hate.
“What happened?” I asked, narrowing my eyes as Lucas came down the tube.
“Ran into a couple pets near the broken statue,” he muttered as he dropped beside me, wiping sweat from his brow. “They followed us several blocks before we lost them in the park. Everyone up there is twitchy. Wish I knew what was going on.”
“This is stupid,” Rat broke in, his gaze darting up and down the tunnel, as if it was about to close on him. “We shouldn’t be going…out there.”
“Should we go back?” Stick whispered.
“No,” I snapped. “If we don’t do this now, who knows when we’ll get another chance.”
“How do we even know she’s telling the truth?” Rat continued, switching tactics now that he couldn’t scare me into giving up. “A whole basement of food? Gimme a break.” His lips twisted. “Girls don’t know what to look for out there. Maybe she saw a few empty cans and jumped to conclusions. Maybe she’s too scared to go by herself and needs a big strong guy to keep her safe.”
“Keep talking, moron. I think it’s funny when you use big words.”