Wait, scratch that. I did feel something. Relief. I was relieved that Zeke was alive and still with me. And now that the excitement was fading somewhat, I felt a stirring of real fear in my stomach, not for me, but for what could’ve happened. I’d almost lost him. If I had let him fall, he would be dead.
Zeke stirred, shifting to his elbow, squinting into the darkness. “Allie?” His voice was hesitant, probing the black. “You still there?”
“Yeah,” I muttered and felt him relax. “Still here.”
He shifted to his knees, one hand reaching out tentatively. “Where are you?” he murmured, frowning. In the dark, I watched his face, seeing his gaze pass over me without seeing. “You’re so quiet—it’s like you’re not even here. You’re not even breathing hard.”
I sighed, deliberately, just to make some kind of noise. “That’s what happens when you’re dead,” I murmured and rolled to my knees to face him. “That whole breathing thing isn’t so important anymore.”
I reached for his hand, but he suddenly leaned in, and his fingers brushed my cheek. Warmth flooded my skin, and I froze, waiting for him to pull back.
He didn’t. The tips of his fingers lingered on my cheek for a moment. Then, very slowly, his hand slipped forward, the palm brushing my skin. Frozen, I stared at him, watching his face as his fingers moved from my cheek to my forehead to my chin, like a blind man tracing someone’s features to see them in his mind.
“What are you doing to me?” he whispered, as his hand moved down to my neck, tracing my collarbone. I couldn’t answer even if I wanted to. “You make me question everything I’ve learned, everything I know. Truths I’ve believed since I was a kid, gone.” He sighed, and I felt a shiver go through him, but he didn’t pull his hand back. “What’s wrong with me?” he groaned, low and anguished. “I shouldn’t be feeling any of this. Not for a…”
He trailed off, but the word hung between us, raw and painful. I could sense Zeke’s struggle with himself, perhaps trying to find the will to pull away, perhaps to do something that went against everything he’d been taught. I wanted, desperately, to lean forward, to respond to his touch, but I was afraid that if I moved, he would pull back and the moment would shatter. So I remained still, passive and unthreatening, letting him decide what he wanted. Silence stretched between us, but his hand, his gentle fingers, never left my skin.
“Say something,” he murmured at last, cupping my cheek like he couldn’t bear to pull back. “I can’t see you, so…I don’t know what you’re thinking. Talk to me.”
“And say what?” I whispered.
“I don’t know. Just…” Zeke bowed his head, his voice quietly desperate. “Just…tell me I’m not crazy,” he whispered. “That this…isn’t as insane as I think it is.”
His heartbeat stuttered, racing in my ears. The Hunger stirred curiously, always eager, but I could ignore it this time. I wasn’t thinking of his blood, rushing just below the skin. I wasn’t thinking of his heartbeat or his touch or the pulse at his throat. Right now, all I was thinking of was Zeke.
“I don’t know,” I told him softly as he shifted closer, radiating warmth even through his wet clothes. I knew I should pull away, but what was the point? I was tired of fighting. In this absolute darkness, with no one to see or judge, our secret seemed safe. “Maybe we’re both a little crazy.”
“I can live with that,” Zeke murmured and finally did what I’d been fearing and hoping and dreaming he’d do from the very start. His other hand reached up, framing my face, as he leaned in and kissed me.
His lips were warm and soft, and his scent was everywhere, surrounding me. I gripped his arms, kissing him back…and the Hunger rose up, as powerful as ever, yet different from before. I didn’t just want to bite him and drink his blood; I wanted to draw him in slowly, make him a part of me. And I wanted to share a part of myself with him, so that we became one.
I could feel my fangs against my gums, aching to slip out. To drop to the hollow at Zeke’s throat, where his pulse beat the hardest against his skin, and sink below the surface. I felt the urge to tip my head back as well, baring my throat so that he could do the same.
And that scared me back to my senses.
I pulled away, breaking the kiss, an instant before my fangs lengthened and slipped through my gums. Zeke watched me with a puzzled expression, but in the darkness he couldn’t see the monster kneeling not six inches from his throat.
“Zeke,” I began, once I had firm control over myself. But before I could say anything else, a guilty expression crossed his face, and he sat back on his heels.
“Sorry,” he whispered, sounding horrified with himself. He stood quickly, and I did the same, almost relieved for the distraction. “God, what am I thinking? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be stalling us like this. We have to find the others.”