“Let go,” I whispered. I could hear his heartbeat, thudding loud in his chest, and was suddenly terrified he would hear my lack of one. He complied, sliding his hands down my arms, holding the tips of my fingers before dropping them. But his eyes never left my face.
“I know you’re scared,” he continued in a quiet voice, still close enough that I could feel his breath on my cheek. The Hunger stirred, but it was weaker this time, sated for now. “I know we just met, and we’re all strangers, and you keep yourself apart for your own reasons. But I also know I haven’t…felt this way about anyone before. And I think…I hope…you feel the same, because that was really hard for me to say. So…” He reached out again, taking my hand. “I’m asking you to trust me.”
I wanted to. For the second time that night, I wanted to kiss him, standing there so openly in the moonlight, his bangs falling jaggedly into his eyes. Zeke leaned forward, and for just a moment, I allowed him to step close, to cup the back of my head as his lips moved down toward mine. His pulse throbbed, his scent surrounding me, but this time, I only saw his face.
No, this can’t happen! I shoved him, hard. He staggered backward and fell, landing on his back in the dirt. I heard his sharp intake of breath, saw the shocked, wounded look in his eyes, and almost turned to flee.
I didn’t. Against my will, against everything screaming at me not to do this, I drew my sword and stepped up beside him, pointing it at his chest. Zeke’s eyes went wide at the blade, gleaming inches from his heart, and he froze.
“Let me make this as clear as I can,” I told him, holding the hilt tightly so my hands wouldn’t shake. “Don’t do that again. I don’t trust you, preacher boy. I don’t trust anyone. And I’ve been stabbed in the back too many times for that to change, do you understand?”
Zeke’s eyes were angry, wounded stars, but he nodded. I sheathed my blade, turned and walked back to the farmhouse, feeling his gaze on me all the way. But he didn’t follow.
Dawn wasn’t far. I went back to the empty room and closed the door, being sure to latch it this time. My eyes burned, and I clamped down on my emotions before they spilled over my cheeks.
In the bathroom, I splashed icy water on my face, gazing at my cracked reflection in the mirror. Unlike the stories said, we actually did cast a reflection, and mine looked awful: a pale, dark-haired girl with traces of blood running from her eyes, and someone else’s blood flowing in her veins. I bared my fangs, and the image of the girl disappeared, revealing a snarling, hollow-eyed vampire in the glass. If Zeke only knew what I really was…
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, remembering the way he’d looked when I’d shoved him, when I’d pointed my sword at his chest. Shocked, betrayed, heartbroken. “It’s better like this. It really is. You have no idea what you’re getting into.”
I couldn’t keep this up. It was too hard, seeing Zeke, keeping my distance, pretending I didn’t care. It was also getting harder and harder to keep my secret. Sooner or later, I’d slip up, or someone would put the pieces together and realize what had been lurking in their midst. And then Jeb or Zeke would put a sharp wooden stick through my chest or cut off my head. Zeke had watched rabids kill his friends and family, and he was the protégé of Jebbadiah Crosse. I could not believe he would accept a vampire hanging around the group, no matter what he said about trust.
Maybe it was time to leave. Not tonight—dawn was too close—but soon. When they left the compound, that would be a good time to go. I knew Jeb didn’t want to stay much longer; he was already anxious to get on the road. I would see them through the woods, protect them from any rabids that might be lurking around, and then I would slip away before anyone realized I was gone.
Where will you go? my reflection seemed to ask. I swallowed the lump in my throat and shrugged. “I don’t know,” I muttered. “Does it matter? As long as I get far away from Zeke and Caleb and Darren and everyone, it doesn’t matter where I go.”
They’ll miss you. Zeke will miss you.
“They’ll get over it.” I left the bathroom, my mind churning with conflicting emotions. I didn’t want to leave. I had grown attached to Caleb and Bethany and Darren. Even Dorothy had her strange charm. The rest I barely spoke to, and some—Ruth and Jebbadiah—I would be perfectly happy if I never saw again, but I would definitely miss the others.
Especially a certain boy with starry eyes and an open smile, who saw nothing but good inside me. Who didn’t know…what I really was.