AS FAR AS mistakes go, that was fairly colossal. Fucking stupid is what it was. Damn, I shouldn’t have followed Anna to the bathroom. And I sure as shit shouldn’t have kissed her. My ribs compress painfully at the thought. Holding her, feeling her soft, plump lips once more was both agony and ecstasy. I still taste her in my mouth. I haven’t taken another drink since I kissed her, some desperate part of me reluctant to wash her away. In short, I am insane.
Unfortunately, sanity left the building the second I saw Mr. Yuck put his fucking hands on Anna. It was all I could do not to trample through the crowd and smash Emo Boy’s face in. Holy hell, watching his fingers stoke Anna’s neck while knowing exactly how her skin feels, knowing that I’d never get to do the same, gutted me. Nothing could stop me from seeking her out, from touching her and letting her remember just what she was missing.
A great plan. Only now I remember with perfect clarity what I am missing too.
Having just experienced true jealousy, I can safely say that the emotion is insidious, and I never want to feel it again. But it lingers like a plague, eating through my insides with dull, thick teeth.
I rub the hollow spot in the center of my chest and then pull my head out of the fog I’ve been wallowing in. Christ, I’m out with another girl. I shouldn’t be thinking about the one who didn’t want me.
I take a breath and face… Shit. What is her name?
In the darkness of my car’s interior, her eyes shine as she looks at me. She’s pretty. They all are, these girls I ask out with no intention of letting things go any further than one date. Hell, they all look vaguely similar, same general features, same body type, taste in clothes. All-American, perky sorority girls. Why hadn’t I noticed before Anna? And I accused her of only wanting one type.
Bitterness fills my mouth.
My date smiles, hesitant. “That was…nice.”
Nice. Right. We’d been at the club for all of ten minutes before I disappeared, stuck my tongue down another girl’s throat, and then promptly came back to haul her out of there like the place was on fire. Really nice of me.
“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “Sorry I’m tired tonight. We’ve been practicing a lot.” Lie. But one most girls seem to appreciate.
She’s no different. She smiles again, her eyes sympathetic. “That’s okay. Your dedication is admirable.”
Tell that to the guys, most of whom want to kill me about now.
“Thanks…” Fuck. What is her name? Stacy? No. Shannon! “Shannon.”
I brace for impact just in case I’ve gotten it wrong, but she smiles as if I’ve just given her some great reward.
Having nothing more to say, I turn all of my attention back to the road. Why did I go out with her? It was stupid. Suffocating. I can’t get her home soon enough. I turn on the radio in a desperate attempt to fill the silence. Jack White is singing about falling in love with a ghost he’s not brave enough to kiss. I stab the off button with more force than necessary.
Thank God we’re now in front of her sorority house because I don’t think I can drive any more. I pull over and brake hard enough to send us both rocking forward.
As if she’s been waiting for this moment, Shannon turns in her seat and gives me an expectant look. Her body language is crystal clear, from the way she leans in toward me, to her gaze flitting from my mouth to my eyes. She wants me to kiss her.
My fingers tighten around the steering wheel, and the leather creaks.
I’m not kissing her in this car. Not where I first got my mouth on Anna’s. Just seeing another girl sitting in the passenger seat is a slap in the face. It’s wrong. Anna should be there. In a way, she is. Haunting me with each breath. That my safe haven is now effectively ruined makes me want to punch something.