“Children born out of wedlock.”
“Yes. I’ve seen young girls so devastated by news of a pregnancy that they would rather die. Some of them do choose to die; you know better than I do about the bodies that wash up on the riverbanks. But if a woman chooses not to marry and chooses to never have children, she is branding herself in a different way. Even if she has an income and can do what interests her, she is still seen as suspect. Unnatural. In the end few people are strong enough to reject what society expects of them.”
“You might have done that,” Jack said.
“I would have done that,” she said. “If not for Hoboken. But I am very odd, Jack. You know that. I’m an unusual person in an unusual family.”
“Part of why we suit. We have that in common.”
Her expression was solemn. “That’s not entirely true. A man has the freedom to choose not to marry. No one would have thought you unnatural.”
He couldn’t contradict that statement. His mother would have been sad, but none of his brothers or friends would have made an issue of it. At the same time there would be suspicions, in some quarters.
Anna said, “In general men are free to find comfort and companionship where they please. So long as they don’t flout expectations openly.”
She often surprised him, and he was beginning to understand that she always would. The way her mind worked was still a mystery and would probably remain a mystery, at least in part, but there was another trap that he fell into: he forgot how much experience she had in the world of things most women never were exposed to. In a city like New York, a physician could not be innocent or na?ve.
They had never talked about sex except as something they shared, in the privacy of their home and bed, but that didn’t mean that she was unaware. He wondered if she was thinking of Oscar, who had never married and would never marry.
“The ‘confirmed bachelor.’” He used the euphemism and saw that he had understood her correctly. But she wasn’t thinking of Oscar, or at least, not in this instance.
She said, “Uncle Quinlan would never have married, if he had had the choice as a young man. His affections were elsewhere, with one of Aunt Quinlan’s cousins, actually. But it was impossible, and he married the girl his family chose for him. He met Aunt Quinlan at the funeral of that cousin he had loved as a young man. Later when he was widowed he proposed a marriage of convenience, I suppose is the term, and she moved down here.”
“You mean they never shared a bed.”
“Yes, that’s what I mean. They were the closest of friends, and they supported each other through very difficult times.” She paused, her gaze still speculative. “Is that the subject you wanted to raise, when you asked about women who don’t want to have children?”
Jack said, “Now I’m not sure exactly what I was asking.”
She shifted in her seat to look at him directly. “I have never been drawn to other women.”
“Anna!”
She gave him a cool look. “You never wondered?”
“I can say with all honesty that it never occurred to me. I saw you as desirable and my sense was, you felt the same way about me.”
Finally, she produced a smile. “Oh, I did. After you put those rosebuds in my hair I couldn’t get you out of my mind. So you are asking me about children.” She studied her clasped hands for a moment. “I never thought very much about having children because I didn’t expect to have that opportunity. Now I think I do want to have a child or two of my own. With you. I think I’ll be ready next year, if you’re ready. And if you are still willing to have a wife who is a mother and a practicing physician and surgeon, all at once. It can be done. Mary Putnam is going to be my role model. A physician of the highest rank, and a wife and mother. And of course, exhausted, all the time.”
She made him laugh. “You being exhausted is not in my plan.”
“And you intend to have your way.”
“You have grasped the essence of my character. Do you know why I raised the subject just now?”
“I expect it has to do with my first visit to Greenwood,” she said. “And the questions that will be coming my way.”
? ? ?
WITH THE SUN in her eyes Anna couldn’t quite make out Jack’s expression, but she caught the change in tone. Discomfort, maybe even reluctance. “Go on,” she said. “I’m listening.”
“People will be cornering you with personal questions, you’re right. But there’s another subject that will be raised, and I wanted to make sure you knew the particulars before you hear about it. About Celestina.”
“Now you’ve surprised me. Go on.”
“You know that she goes to temple a few times a month on the Sabbath?”
“I’m aware, yes. Bambina goes too, doesn’t she?”
“Less often. Bambina goes to please Mama. Celestina goes to please herself.”