I was so angry and Max was being so annoying, I didn’t pause to consider my next words. I just said them and in saying them inadvertently I shared.
“Trust me, I know, you get messed up by a man, it’s important to learn right away that there are good ones out there or you might find yourself so far down a very lonely road that you’ll never be able to find your way back.” His face changed, he hadn’t been exactly angry, just wanting to make his point, but now his eyes were hyper-alert and intense but I also had a point to make, I felt it was important, so I kept talking. “I’m not saying he’s going to heal her wounds, watch her walk down the aisle to him in a month and they’re going to grow old together. I’m just saying he seems like a nice guy, there aren’t many of those around and she needs all the reminders she can get that even a rare breed can be found.”
“You get messed up by a man?” he asked and I grew confused at his question for I found this a change of subject and I was intent on the last one.
“What?”
“You get messed up by a man?” he repeated and my mistake dawned.
“I’m a woman,” I covered quickly. “That happens.”
“How’d you get messed up?” he was Max therefore he didn’t let it go.
“Usual stuff, now get off me, I should go help Mindy.”
“How’d you get messed up?”
“Max, get off.”
“Nina, answer me.”
I went silent, stared at him and I considered my approach to this current dilemma. Then I decided, what the heck? I’d tried everything else, why not just lay it on him?
Still, I tested the waters before diving in. “You’re not going to get up unless I answer, are you?”
“Nope,” he responded immediately.
I nodded and said, “All right then, Max, you name it, it happened.”
“What?”
I brought my hands up between us and counted them down. “My first boyfriend cheated on me with my arch nemesis, the homecoming queen no less, which was humiliating. My second boyfriend was just a jerk. Third and fourth, both cheated, the fourth with my best friend. The fifth stole from me, not much but not much is enough when it’s stealing. The sixth got drunk a lot and got mean when he did it and he didn’t care who he was mean around and, since a lot of the time he was around me, I got the bulk of it. The seventh beat me. The eighth asked me to marry him and two days from me telling him it’s over, he hasn’t called. I haven’t been raped, thank God, but that’s enough for a girl, don’t you think?”
“The seventh beat you?” Max asked quietly.
“Twice.”
“Beat you?”
My body tensed under his, which I realized belatedly was solid as a rock, as the tone of his words penetrated and, again, my mistake dawned.
I mentally made note that the sharing strategy might not be the right one either.
“Twice,” I whispered in the face of what appeared to be his building fury.
“What happened?” he demanded, his voice getting loud.
“Max,” I was still whispering.
“What, the fuck, happened?” Max was getting louder.
“Mom told Charlie, Charlie flew to The States and paid him a visit and I took a prolonged vacation in England while Mom moved my stuff out,” I answered quietly.
“Fucking hell,” Max murmured.
“Max –”
“Fucking hell!” Max shouted and then I stared in terrified horror as his torso twisted away from me, he reared an arm back and slammed his fist into the bed at my side.
“Max,” I breathed through frozen lungs, his hand instantly moved to cup my cheek and his face was hard but his voice was suddenly soft.
“Never hurt you, baby,” he whispered and tears hit my eyes.
“Don’t –”
“Never.”
“Is everything all right?” Mindy asked and my head twisted on the bed as Max looked up and we saw Mindy standing at the top of the stairs.
“Give us a minute, darlin’,” Max said to her.
“Is everything all right?” Mindy repeated.
“We’re fine, sweetheart,” I said softly. “Down in a minute.”
“Max?” she called, her eyes on him, her face pale.
“We’ll be down in a minute.”
She studied us a second, whispered, “Okay,” then turned and ran down the stairs.
“So that’s the reason for the shield,” Max said, my head twisted back and my eyes hit his.
“Max –”
His gaze unfocused and he muttered, “Fucking hell.”
“I made those choices, Max, I wasn’t exactly blameless,” I told him and his eyes refocused so much my breath caught at their intensity.
“Don’t you dare,” he ordered.
“Sorry?”
“Don’t you fuckin’ dare take on that blame. Cheats, thieves, abusers, it’s their problem. You take on that blame you got no choice but to build a shield.”
“Max –”
“This guy now, the one you’re shakin’ off, he drink?”
“No.”
“Say shit to you?”
“Max –”
“Does he?”
“No!”
“Lift his hand to you, without your brother around to have your back?”
“Of course not.”
“Just doesn’t fuckin’ care.”
I couldn’t deny that.