“Bitsy, darling, you should feel free to feel how you want and don’t think of what people think.”
“No one liked him anyway, he died and his mistress phoned the police. It’s hard not to think of what people think since everyone’s thinkin’ somethin’.”
“Well, try. Anyone who truly cares about you will let you have your feelings, whatever they may be.”
I stopped moving when his head tilted back to look at me. I stood in the curve of the stairs halfway down trapped by the fierce anger in his eyes and the conversation kept playing but I didn’t hear it. I stood immobile, his eyes on me, his face carved from stone.
Then I heard my Mom’s faraway, disembodied shout from the answering machine recording. “Neenee Bean, let’s go hiking!”
“Be down in a sec!”
“You know about Anna?” Max asked over the recording.
My stomach clutched, fear crawling insidiously along my skin.
“Max –”
“You know about Anna?” he repeated, his voice deadly.
“I –”
“Come down here.”
“Max –”
“Get down here, Nina.”
The answering machine message played out as I wound down the rest of the stairs and walked to within four feet of him. He watched the whole time.
“No, Bitsy. You don’t know how many times I tried to get Charlie to open up to me. So, thank you, again, for trusting me.”
“Oh honey, my pleasure. I’ll lay all my troubles on you, you like it so much.”
“Take care.”
“Yeah, you too. Hope to see you soon.”
“Bye.”
“Later, honey.”
The answering machine beeped the end of the message.
“Max –”
He interrupted me, “How long have you known?”
“Um…”
Suddenly, he leaned forward and roared, “How long have you known!”
My heart lodged in my throat, I jumped and moved back two paces, scared silent.
“Fuckin’ answer me,” he growled.
This was it. This was it.
Oh God, I knew it. It always went bad.
He couldn’t even bear me knowing she existed.
I couldn’t do this; I couldn’t participate in this ending. I just had to get out.
I turned and ran to the stairs but didn’t get there. Max’s hand wrapped firm around my wrist, I came to a jerking halt and then he yanked on my hand, twisting it around my back, effectively twirling me so my front slammed into his. Then he released my hand but his arms came around me like vices.
“Don’t run away from me, Nina,” he clipped.
“Let me go,” I whispered.
“Answer the fucking question.”
I shook my head but answered, “Arlene told me at The Dog that night when Damon hit me.”
“Christ, you’ve known a week,” he bit this off as if it infuriated him even further.
“Yes,” I whispered. “Please, let me go.”
“You’ve known a week,” he repeated.
“Yes, Max. Now please, let me go.”
“You didn’t say a word.”
I blinked and tried to focus through my fear on his enraged face. “Sorry?”
“You didn’t say a fucking word,” he repeated, squeezing me with his arms on the word “fucking”.
He wasn’t making sense and I decided to attempt to calm him down so I could get my head sorted, plan the steps to leaving him, take them one at a time and then get out of there, out of Colorado, go home and find some way to pick up the tattered threads of my life.
“I know this upsets you,” I said softly.
“Yeah, you do?” he clipped back sarcastically.
“I’m sorry.”
“About what?”
“That I know.”
His brows knit over narrowed eyes. “You’re sorry you know about Anna?”
“I know you didn’t want me to.”
His body jerked then he barked in my face, “What the fuck?”
“I know you were very –”
His face was still in mine when he growled, “You don’t know shit.”
I clamped my mouth shut and swallowed. Calming him wasn’t working and his intense fury was scaring the hell out of me. I could feel my heart beating in my neck, in my wrists and even against his chest.
I finally pulled up the courage to whisper, “Max, please let me go.”
“Explain,” he demanded instead of letting me go.
I shook my head, short, confused shakes. “Sorry?”
“Explain how you know I didn’t want you to know about Anna,” he ordered.
“I –”
He cut me off. “When I’ve been wrackin’ my brain since you curled up to me in order to get in Shauna’s face because you thought she’d humiliated me and you wanted to get mine back for me and I knew, I knew a woman who’d stand by me, especially one I barely knew who’d do that for me, thinkin’ what you mighta been thinkin’ after Shauna ran her fuckin’ mouth, I knew what that woman would mean to me, so, once it came clear how your crazy, fucked up head works, I’ve been wrackin’ my brain how I’d tell you about my dead wife.”
I blinked then breathed, “What?”
“You get a hangnail, Nina, you’d use it to drive a wedge between us.”
“I –”
“Don’t deny it.”
“But –”
“And all this time, you knew.”