Once I was able to contain my laughter, I knew I had to make nice with her. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt her feelings. Still, I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t really her fault, I suppose, but all of a sudden everything seemed so redundant. I’d never been with this particular Asian girl before, but I’d been with plenty just like her. Plenty who looked like her, talked like her, even cooked that same damn meal like her. The meal was a dead giveaway that none of them really knew how to prepare their native cuisine. Sweet and sour chicken? Come on. Even I could pull off that entrée.
“Look, I’m sorry ...” I searched my mind for her name.
“Candy,” she replied when she saw me grasping at straws.
I spared her feelings by suppressing my laugh this time. Candy—so typical. Remy had even sent me another “Candy” before. I was beginning to realize just how I’d been fooling myself, thinking that my second-date rule made any difference. It didn’t matter that I never saw the same girl twice. No matter how I looked at it, it was the same broad, different name. Or in Candy’s case, same name.
Ruby was the exception. I’d never met any woman like her before. I had never even given one of Remy’s girls a second thought after our night together, but I’d given Ruby more than just a second thought. I’d given her a fraction of my mind, and in order to reclaim my full sanity, I knew exactly what I had to do.
“Candy, you are a wonderful, beautiful young lady. And a hell of a cook, I’m sure.” I had to soften the blow, didn’t I? I had to place a soft pillow over her head before I pulled the trigger to blow her brains out, so to speak. “But this isn’t gonna work.”
“Save it, asshole.” Her accent was gone. She stood up from the table in a huff. “I don’t need to hear the speech about how it’s not me, it’s you, and you don’t know if you can do this, blah, blah, blah.” She slammed her chair into the table. “And Maria said you were one of the good ones. Huh. You waste time is what you do.” Her accent was back—a little. “You still pay. Just know that,” was the last thing she said before she exited the kitchen to go change.
“I’ll call Maria and let her know to send the car service for you,” I shot over my shoulder as she proceeded to curse me out.
The escort service was one of the first numbers, after my family members’, that I’d programmed into speed dial when I got my new phone. I pulled it out now to make the call.
“Orlando. How’s our favorite client?”
“Remy, my man,” I replied. “It’s all good, but look, check this out. I’m going to need you to send the car for Candy a little earlier than scheduled.”
“Oh?” He sounded disappointed, nervous even. “Is everything okay? Was something wrong with your girl?” I could hear him flipping pages in the background. “She wasn’t a repeat, was she? Damn it, I told Maria to always make sure you never get the same girl twice. Look, I’ll send you someone else. Just let me—”
“No, listen, Remy. Everything is fine. Candy is fine. She wasn’t a repeat. You guys are on the J-O-B,” I explained. “But, Remy, if you don’t mind, you can send me someone else.”
His voice was now a mixture of excitement and relief. “No problem. We have this half-African princess that does this thing with her—”
“Look, Remy, I’m sure she’s the finest the motherland has to offer, but I kind of have a special request.”
“Anything, anybody for you. Just name it.”
I couldn’t believe I was about to say the words that eased out of my mouth. “Ruby. Send me Ruby.”
There was crazy silence on the line, and it made me uncomfortable. Finally Remy said, “But you never see the—”
I had to cut him off. I didn’t have an appetite for my own words. “Remy, man, when the driver comes for Candy, just make sure he drops off Ruby.”
I thought everything was settled, until Remy informed me, “Ruby is no longer with us.”
It took a few seconds for his words to register before I could ask, “What? Excuse me?”
“I’m sorry, Orlando, but you were Ruby’s first and last. She said this line of work didn’t suit her, after all.”
I felt ... hell, I didn’t know how I felt, but it wasn’t good. “Remy, I have a craving for the Caribbean beauty by the name of Ruby. You get paid to cure my cravings. Need I search for a new chef?”