The Education of Sebastian

I felt like running.

“Hello, David.”

My voice was so soft I could barely hear it myself.

“Would you care to explain this… this nonsense, Caroline?”

His tone was clipped, his anger under control – for now.

I sat down at the table opposite him and tried to stay calm.

“I assume you’re referring to the article, David, there’s nothing in there that needs explaining.”

His face was a dangerous shade of purple.

“And this… man who seems to be draped all over you! Are you trying to make a fool of me?”

I took a deep breath.

“David, he’s just a friend of the Peters. He was just fooling around: the newspaper editor got the wrong idea, that’s all. Look, this isn’t important…”

“It most certainly is, I have a reputation at the hospital and…”

I interrupted him quietly but I was proud that my voice didn’t tremble.

“No, David, it’s not important. But we do need to talk. At least, I do have something to say to you.”

“I can’t think of anything more important than finding out why my wife is flaunting herself in this disgusting way… And where she slept last night!”

“I might well ask you the same question, David, but I dare say we would both answer ‘in a hotel’.”

“Don’t you fucking start that!”

I paled at the undisguised anger in his voice but I’d gone too far to turn back now.

“I want a divorce.”

He stared at me in shock, his face draining of color as the words sank in.

“What? Are you crazy?”

You mean, crazy not to want a controlling bully like you?

“No, David. I’m not: just unhappy. I’ve been unhappy for a long time and… I know I haven’t made you happy either. I think it’s best if we both just go our own way.”

“Because of this… this ape!” he snarled, jabbing his finger at the newspaper.

I sighed. The picture of me with Bill was an unnecessary distraction.

“No. I was telling the truth about him. He’s just someone who happened to be there that day. I’ve only ever met him twice in my entire life. David, this is about us. Well, there is no ‘us’; there hasn’t been for a long time – if there ever was. Look, I’m sorry this seems to have come out of the blue, but surely it can’t have escaped your attention that our marriage has been over for a while now…”

He glared at me and gripped the table until his knuckles were completely bloodless.

“Are you screwing this man?”

I looked him in the eye: I was so grateful he’d asked that question. I wouldn’t have to lie to him. Yet.

“No, David, I’m not.”

He took a deep breath and it seemed as if he believed me.

“This is about that silly accident the other night, isn’t it? For fuck’s sake, Caroline, it was just an accident!”

He sat back, his arms folded across his chest, a supercilious expression on his face. I could tell what he was thinking: the storm was blowing over. If anything, this was the eye of the storm.

“I know it was an accident. But the fact remains: I’m leaving you and I want a divorce.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! You can’t leave me!” He stared at me then added, “You haven’t got anywhere to go – your mother certainly won’t take you back.”

God, he was arrogant.

I was beginning to get angry: angry was good.

“I’ve already moved my things out: I guess you haven’t noticed yet. I’ve rented a room downtown until… until we get everything sorted legally. Then I’m going back East.”

He stared at me, utterly speechless.

“I won’t make it difficult,” I continued, “I don’t want anything from you.”

He looked liked I’d punched him; he was deflating in front of me, all bombast gone.

“You’re leaving me?”

“Yes, David. It’s for the best.”

His head sank to his chest and I felt an unfamiliar pang of pity for him.

And then there was a loud and insistent banging on the door. I tried to ignore the knocking, but it was relentless.

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