I thought Sebastian would lose his temper, but he just carried on talking, his voice even.
“We know it won’t be easy but we want to be together. It’s the only way.”
Ches blinked, opening and closing his mouth several times. “Why didn’t you tell me, man?” He sounded hurt.
“We didn’t want to tell anyone because… we couldn’t. Caro is breaking the law by being with me.”
It was clear Ches was in shock: he stood and gaped at us.
“I’m under age,” continued Sebastian softly. “If anyone found out… if anyone reported us, it’s a felony – because of… the age difference.” He shrugged. “Caro could go to jail. That’s why I couldn’t tell you.”
“Wow, I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know!” said Ches helplessly.
“She’s taking a huge risk. She wanted us to wait but… I couldn’t stay away from her. So if anyone is to blame, it’s me.” He looked Ches directly in the eye. “I think you owe her an apology.”
I touched his arm. “It’s okay, Sebastian. He was just looking out for you. I understand.”
Ches looked mortified. “I didn’t know! I just thought… is it that serious? I mean, what could happen to her?”
He seemed to be having a hard time taking it in. I couldn’t blame him: I still had a hard time with the concept of being loved so much, of being so much in love that it hurt.
Sebastian nodded and I stared at the ground feeling a mixture of pride and shame in our confession.
“I’m… I’m sorry, Caroline,” said Ches, shaking his head. “You guys… wow… I…”
“Thank you,” I said quietly. I looked up at Sebastian. “I’ll go wait in the car.”
They talked for a few more minutes while I sat and waited and watched. Eventually Ches pulled Sebastian into a bear hug and then patted him on the arm. I guessed he was telling him it was going to be alright.
Sebastian opened the passenger door and slumped down onto the seat.
“Everything okay?” I asked, tentatively.
“I guess,” Sebastian said wearily, rubbing his eyes. “He… he gets how much you mean to me but…”
But?
“He still thinks it’s kind of crazy. He’s cool though. He won’t tell anyone.”
I hoped he was right.
Sebastian raised his hand to my cheek. “Don’t worry: Ches is my best friend – he’s my brother ,” he said simply.
I leaned against him, feeling the warmth of his body through his thin T-shirt. I stared out at the stars in the night sky, wondering if one of them might be our lucky star.
I traced Sebastian’s silhouette in the darkness, his straight nose, his full, sensuous lips, his strong chin, the graceful profile of his head.
He leaned back in the seat and turned to smile at me.
The most incredible feeling of love welled up inside me. I was so lucky. He was kind and thoughtful and caring. He was fun to be with; beautiful inside and out. I didn’t know a lover could be a friend, too. And he loved me.
Me.
But was I really strong enough to follow my heart and to hell with the consequences? Could I expect a 17 year old boy… man… to be strong enough for this? No, that wasn’t right. I was the one who had to be strong: for both of us.
And at that moment, I knew the question and the answer. Was I strong enough? Yes, I was.
Chapter 14
“I need to hold you,” said Sebastian, softly.
I scrambled onto his knee and we clung to each other in the dark of the country club’s parking lot.
All our hopes and fears had been explored in those tense few minutes with Ches. Sebastian was strong in so many ways, but he was also so young. And now he needed me and I wanted to give him comfort, to reassure him, to protect him from the world. He needed me – and I needed him.
I held him tightly, pulling him closer. Gradually his body began to relax, the tension leaking away.
“So,” I said, breaking the heavy silence, “you found an apartment in Little Italy?”
I felt him smile against my neck.
“Yeah, I thought you’d like that.”
“I do. Tell me about it.”