Eighteen
As soon as they were inside the house, Logan let instinct take over. He didn’t even bother shutting door behind himself. He didn’t bother turning on the lights. He had to have her. Right there, right then. The wine and the beer and the flirting had filled his head with pleasant haze, but he wanted more, he wanted her. The first kiss was hot and hard, and just increased his desire. Logan wanted to rip off her clothes and kiss every inch of her, her breasts and her stomach and her back. He wanted to bury his face between her legs and make her cry out in excitement again and again. He scanned the room and tried to plot his next move, but Callie kissed his neck and ran her hands over his chest. Damnit, he couldn’t think when he was around her. He couldn’t wait another second. The bedroom was too far. The couch was too far. He reached down and pulled her up into the air, placing her on the kitchen counter as he pulled his shirt up over his head.
Callie’s hair was half over her face, and he brushed it aside as he kissed her again. She had pulled the straps of her dress down off her her shoulders, and it made him weak in the knees to see how beautiful she looked in the moonlight that flooded in through the windows and the open door. God she was beautiful. Whenever the light changed, or he saw her wear her hair a different way or he saw her from a different angle, or she caught him looking at her and glowered at him with those gorgeous eyes, he was reminded of how beautiful she was, how every line and angle of her body was perfect. She pulled her dress up over her head and tossed it onto the floor. There in the half dark, for half a moment, as he reached down and kissed her stomach, he wondered what he had done to deserve such an incredible woman, but then he pulled moved lower and felt her heat and his desire took over again. He grabbed her thighs and her ass as he kissed between her legs and listened to her cry out. Each moan of pleasure made him want her more, and as her body tensed with climax, he knew he couldn’t wait much longer to be inside her.
He fumbled with his belt and let his pants drop to the ground as Callie kept her legs wrapped around his neck. He wanted to make her come again, he wanted to make her as delirious with desire as he was. He was so hard it hurt. He had never wanted anyone this badly in his life, and yet he wanted to wait, he wanted her to feel this too. “Logan,” Callie moaned between cries of delight, “I need you. Please, I need you. Take me to the bedroom.”
He picked her up and carried her across toward the bedroom. Her body trembled as he kissed her and slid his hands up her back. Each one of her heavy breaths just made him more excited. She ran her hands over his bare hips and grabbed his erection, running her hand over it as he placed her down on the bed. He moaned. As he climbed into bed and kissed her again, positioning himself on top of her, he wondered how a woman like her had fallen for him. Then he drove himself deep inside her, and the world grew quiet, and he pushed into her again and again until a pleasure beyond words cried out inside him, and he realized that Callie was shouting too, her cries crashing through the room in rhythm with his thrusts until finally, she dug her fingers into his back and he closed his eyes as the breath rushed from his lungs as he came.
“Logan,” Callie half moaned, half-whispered as she tried to catch her breath. He stayed there, inside of her, and he kissed her collarbone, and slid his fingers through hers as he listened to her breath. He wanted to fall asleep inside her like that. He wanted to wake up with his body tangled in hers, and he wanted to see that grin on her face as she told him not to be so much like himself.
“Callie,” he whispered after a long silence. Shit. This wasn’t just sex anymore. He was in love.
***
Logan had been lying in bed next to Callie for the better part of an hour, letting himself drift in that gray area between hazy contentment and sleep, but when his phone phone buzzed on the nightstand, he jolted up and grabbed it. He had forgotten all about the text he had sent earlier in the day. Why the hell did Jack have to get back to me right now? Couldn’t he wait for the morning? Out of everyone in the world, Jack should have been able to guess what he was up to. Logan rubbed his eyes as he scanned through the message. “I’m free tomorrow morning. 8am work for you?”
Unless he left in the next two hours, he wouldn’t be able to make it to DC. Logan knew what that meant. Jack was trying to duck him. With everything they had been through together, Logan knew when Jack was avoiding something. Why even text back then? Logan knew the answer. If Jack didn’t text, Logan would only keep at it. This was his way of trying to shake him.
Callie rolled over and mumbled, “Is everything alright?”
No, he wanted to say. The only thing in the world that he wanted was to stay there in bed with his arms wrapped around her, but for the first time in his life, he was trying to do the right thing instead of the easy thing, and he didn’t want to tell her. “Yeah, Callie, everything’s fine. Go back to sleep.”
Logan leaned over and kissed her temple. He buried his nose against her hair and inhaled. She smelled so wonderful. Why the hell couldn’t he just stay in bed with her? She shifted and raised her sweet, soft lips against his. If he had been standing, that kiss would have brought him to his knees. He knew that if he didn’t leave at that moment, he’d never leave. “Callie,” he whispered, “I wish I could stay with you tonight, but something came up and I have to head out.”
“Right now? Should I be worried?” she asked. “What time is it?”
“It’s half past one. I have to meet with a vendor in Boston early in the morning. I’ve had the meeting on the books for weeks, but something just came up and there’s no way for me to skip out on it. God, I wish I didn’t have to do this.”
“Do you want me to come?” Callie offered. “We could make a day of it.” She lifted her arms and yawned. Then she shifted again and pressed her curves against him. If she was trying to get him to stay, she was doing a damn good job.
“I wish,” Logan said, “but you and I both know that if you come with me, I won’t be able to concentrate.”
“Well, we could always figure out a way to calm your mind until the meeting,” Callie said. She was still half asleep, and her words jumbled together as she spoke.
“I can’t.” Logan turned over and rolled out of bed.
“You’re turning down sex?” Callie asked. Logan still wasn’t sure she was awake.
“What can I say? You’ve left me very satisfied, but I have to go. I wish more than anything that I could spend the next week doing nothing but lying here in your arms.”
“What happened to doing what you want?”
“What happened to responsibilities?” he asked. If only she knew why he had to go, she’d understand, he thought, but he didn’t want to get her hopes up, and he didn’t want her to think he was doing this just to win points with her. He was going to hash things out with Jack Coburn because it was the right thing to do, whether or not it came back to bite him in the ass.
He leaned in and kissed her again on the cheek. “I’ll call in the morning once the meeting’s out.” Then he kissed her again.
As his lips pressed against her cheek, Callie smiled. “Bring me back something good,” she said.
“Are you asking that as my girlfriend?” God. As soon as he said it, he realized he couldn’t take the words back. He, Logan Harris, the man who perfected the one night stand had just asked someone to be his girlfriend. What the hell was he thinking?
“Is that what I am now?” Callie asked. She suddenly seemed much more awake.
“I don’t know. It depends on whether or not you want me to bring you back something. I feel like girlfriends and wives get gifts.” Did he really just say wife? Christ, he needed to stop before he ended up on one knee asking for her hand in marriage.
“In that case, bring me back something big,” Callie said. She kissed him and rolled back over.
Hopefully I’ll bring you back the biggest victory of your career.
***
Callie lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. It had been an hour since Logan had left, and as soon as he had stepped out the door, she hadn’t been able to sleep. She felt restless, on edge. She didn’t know whether or not to trust him. She didn’t want to be jealous or suspicious, but, frankly, she had no idea what to think of anything that had just happened. After all, he had just asked her to be his girlfriend. Why on earth would he say that? Why would he do that and just leave? Sure, the electricity between them was so strong that it nearly crackled each time they touched, but he was hardly the type of guy who dated, never mind the kind of guy who considered someone his girlfriend. She couldn’t help but wonder if he was hiding something else.
If he was hiding something from her, the whole girlfriend question could have been a way of masking his deceit, or maybe he felt forced to put a label on their relationship. Either way, why in the hell had he left in the middle of the night? It had barely been more than a day and half since she had admitted what was going on to Logan, and it hadn’t even been a day since she had pledged to be completely honest with him, but she couldn’t help but wonder if she should check up on him to see if he was telling the truth about where he was going. After all, she did have access to his calendar and his emails. If he really had an appointment, she’d be able to see so right away, and then she could rest easy.
She looked over at the clock. It was well past three in the morning, and she wondered if Charlotte was still awake. She needed someone to talk to, and she couldn’t think of anyone else. Callie couldn’t bring herself to call, though. She already knew that Charlotte say something about Pride and Prejudice or Wuthering Heights and how she would kill for a chance to spend any amount of time with a guy like Logan. Callie played through the rest of the pretend conversation in her head, all of the positives and negatives about taking Logan at his word or snooping on him and violating whatever trust he had left.
Why couldn’t he have just stayed? She wished that could be by her side again. What she had felt with him that night was more intense than anything she had ever felt before. Sure, the sex was incredible, mind-bending even, but it was more than that, there was an emotional connection, an openness that she had never had with anyone before. It had started long before the sex, much earlier in the day when Logan decided they needed to clear the air. How was it possible for him to run out into the night after feeling what they felt together? What would happen to that openness if she went ahead and spied on him? It just felt so wrong.
If Logan’s disappearing act had anything to do with Veronica, Callie had to know. She did’t want to be jealous or overprotective, but it was her job to keep him away from trouble in general and Veronica in particular. It drove her crazy to think that he had ever slept with a woman like that. It drove her crazy to think that Logan had ever slept with any other woman. What the hell was happening to her? Everything had been light and fun, and now it was something else entirely. Callie crawled out of bed and found her laptop. This would be the last time she snooped on Logan. Once she knew everything was fine, she’d tell Rich to cut the cord and forget all about Logan’s laptop.
She fired up the computer and waited for it to start. She still had time to go back. She still had time to do the right thing and respect his privacy, but she couldn’t. She had to know. Callie opened up her email and found the link from Rich, a spreadsheet listing the passwords to Logan’s accounts, and a link to access a backup of all the files on his computer. A few clicks later, she was staring at his calendar and combing through his emails for any hint of what he was doing. Her heart sank. His schedule for the next morning was blank. Either Logan was lying to her about having a meeting or the meeting was off the books. Either way, she couldn’t confront him about it without admitting what she had done.
She closed out the window and composed a new message to Rich. “All set with L. Please close out.” In the morning, she wouldn’t let herself have access to Logan’s computer. She wouldn’t have access to his calendar or his emails or any of it. She’d have to trust him. She just hoped she was doing the right thing.
Maybe this had nothing to do with Veronica, she thought. Maybe Logan was just freaked out by how fast everything was moving between them. Yeah, he was saying all the right things, but how quickly could a guy like Logan change? He had spent the past decade avoiding serious relationships, bailing on women after no time at all. Now Callie wanted him to go to the opposite extreme and never leave her side. Maybe she was putting too much pressure on him. What did she expect from him? A ring? A lifetime of comforting in-jokes and scorching kisses?
Whatever Logan’s reasons for leaving, the safety and security she had felt with him had left as soon as he stepped foot outside the guesthouse. Callie tossed and turned as she tried to fall back to sleep. The bed seemed enormous, and the air in the room seemed stiflingly still. The moon was out over the water, and she opened a window to let the sound of the surf drown out some of her worries, but she couldn’t help herself. She didn’t know what to think. She didn’t know what she wanted from Logan. Yeah, she wanted something more than a fling, but what? How serious could she expect him to be?
There were so many other questions: How much time did they really have left together? What would happen when the bill passed or Amy gave birth, and she had to go back to DC to take the reigns of the company? She couldn’t expect Logan to just pack up and follow her. Even if she wanted him to, it just didn’t seem fair. He’d hate DC. He’d hate all the dumb formality of it, the self-importance of everyone on every corner. The ego and the intensity. She couldn’t blame him. Those were the things that had driven her to ask for a vacation in the first place. That was settled. She couldn’t ask Logan to follow her, but a new question rose in her mind: Did she really want to go back?
***
Callie sat down on the dock and dangled her legs over the edge. The morning sun hung just over the horizon. The tide was out, exposing the jagged contours of the coastline. The shadows of the rocks receded back along the shoreline as the sun slowly lifted itself higher. The humid morning air was thick with the smell of low tide, a heavy, salty smell. Callie had never liked that smell, but this morning couldn’t care less about it. She had tossed and turned in the night. When the first traces of dawn had brightened her room, she pulled on some clothes and decided to head outside. She made it as far as the dock before sitting down.
The whole shoreline, as far as Callie could see, looked completely different than it had the night before. The low tide had opened up a new geography, a new and temporary place between the comfort of land and the freedom of the water, a place of constant flux, a landscape of sandbars and mudflats. In a few hours, it would be gone, reclaimed by the ocean, but for now, it was beautiful. Callie pulled herself up and walked back down the dock. She walked along the edge of the grass until reaching a large outcropping of rocks, and then she climbed down. She stopped for a moment and rolled her pants up to her knees, and then she stepped forward, sinking her feet into the mud and setting forward toward the water. She didn’t know exactly where she was headed, and that felt good. Maybe it was time to plan a little less and live a little more.
She walked out around the bend of the property and pushed onward, occasionally stopping to chart a course along the rocky coast. As she walked, her mind wandered. She tried not to think about Logan and why he had left in the middle of the night, but she couldn’t help herself. Everything had felt so right with him, like the stars had clicked into place, and then he had left. She wanted to trust him, but she couldn’t. After all, her job was dealing with situations just like this. If Logan had been her client, would she have believed his excuse for leaving? Or would she have pressed him to reveal the truth? She knew the answer to that question. It was one of the prerequisites of the job. The client had to tell her the truth, the whole truth, or she wouldn’t take the job. So why was she letting it slip in her personal life? Why was she letting Logan lie about what he was doing? And, more importantly, why did she care so much?
It wasn’t because she worried about a scandal. Hell, they were already in the middle of a minor scandal already, and she had barely spent any time thinking about it. No, she had to admit that she had feelings for Logan, true feelings, deep feelings, and now she didn’t know what to do about them. It had been so easy before. All she had to do was take care of the job. If she had a little fun with Logan, that was good too, but now, everything felt so important, like the rest of her life depended on her every choice.
If she had learned one thing from being with Logan, it was that she still had a few things to learn about herself. She still didn’t know how she could trust him or herself. She needed advice. She needed someone to talk to, but she only really wanted to talk with Logan. She pulled out her phone and dialed.
“Is this my long lost niece?” Vi asked. Upon hearing her voice, Callie remembered how much she missed home. She felt a little tickle in the back of her throat and her eyes welled up.
“Hi Vi,” Callie said, “I was just calling to see how everyone is.”
“I’m sure everyone’s fine. Amy has taken your absence as an excuse to take on even more work before the baby gets here. Ethan’s convinced that she’ll end up giving birth in some board room somewhere. The two of them are so good for each other.”
“And how are you?” Callie asked.
“I’m lovely. I’ve missed my little Calliebug. How is Newport? Has Logan behaved himself?”
“I think so,” Callie said. She smiled as she tried to think of a diplomatic way to explain what was going on between them.
“That’s too bad,” Vi said. “Men like him are always more fun when they misbehave.”
Callie laughed. “He’s not how everyone made him out to be.”
“Sounds like the two of you are getting along. I think you’d make a beautiful couple.”
“We’re not like that,” Callie protested. She didn’t want Vi mentioning any of this to Amy.
“Ah, to be young and in love,” Vi said. Her voice swelled as if she was about to begin a long story of dubious authenticity. Such stories were Vi’s forte. She seemed to have one for every occasion. If Callie had scraped her knee, Vi would have had some story about injuring her leg in the Pyrenees and healing the wound by drinking a bottle of wine and eating a wedge of brie.
“I never said I was in love,” Callie said, a little too eagerly. She wondered if Vi had caught her slip. What was the use? Vi was going to think whatever she wanted to think. “I don’t know what to do,” Callie admitted.
“Don’t worry,” Vi said. “Your secret is safe with me. Did your mother ever tell you the story of how she met your father?”
“I don’t know,” Callie said. “I was only eight when she died.”
“Well, let me tell you the story. Maybe it will help you. The day your mother met your father, we were at the beach. I must have been twenty years old. Oh, it was a terribly hot day, and I still remember the terrible pink bathing suit your mother was wearing. I, of course, was wearing a bikini. I insisted on jumping into the water first thing on account of how hot it was. Your mother treated me the same way your sister treats you. She followed me in and yelled at me about riptide. Somehow, she got caught up in the current, and the water started pulling her out. I was so frightened, but she was calm. In my mind. I can still see her floating farther out. She was so calm about it. She was always the level-headed one of us. Anyway, before I knew what had happened, a lifeguard pushed past my and swam out to save her.”
“Dad was a lifeguard?” Callie asked.
“Heavens no,” Vi replied. “You father could barely swim. I snatched up the lifeguard as soon as he brought your mother back to shore, but she met your father that night.”
Callie laughed. “I’m not sure what this has to do with my situation.”
“Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. If you’re afraid, don’t be. Maybe you’ve been overthinking things. “So you didn’t think you’d end up liking Logan, or you thought he’d be someone else. Forget about all of that. Go with the flow. See where it takes you. Now I have to run. I’m sure we’ll talk soon. After all, your sister is due next week.”
“Bye, Vi. Send Amy and Ethan my love,” Callie said.
“Send Logan mine,” Vi said.
Callie laughed. “I’ll make sure to do that.” She walked along the water’s edge for a little while longer. Maybe she should go with the flow. She just doubted that the flow would ever bring her back to DC. This would all be so much easier if she even had an idea where Logan was or what he was doing.