“I’m not asking you,” Ward said sharply, standing to face her. “I’m telling you.” A warning glittered in his eyes. “Try to think smart for once. All the hardships you and I have endured, all the sacrifices we’ve made, it won’t be for nothing, not if we end with eighty thousand dollars. You owe me that.”
Her hands were shaking and her words emerged in a stammer. She knew the inevitable end of this discussion unless she hastily backed down. But she thought of Alex and Freddy, and how they had been willing to guarantee her share of the inheritance even if she left the drive. Of course, that wouldn’t matter to Ward.
“If we help Lola cheat, then what are we? We become equally dishonorable. And we betray good people who deserve better. I can’t do that. I won’t.”
He backhanded her across the face, sending her sprawling. Drops of spittle flew from his lips when he leaned over her, his face ugly in the smoky light. “You’re so stupid you make me sick! You want us to lose so we can congratulate ourselves on being honorable? Tell me if ‘honorable’ will replace my store. Will it, Les? Tell me if honorable will make us rich. Use your head!”
He jerked her upright and thrust his face so close that she could see the tiny broken veins fanning across his nose. “You don’t have a choice. I told Caldwell that we’ll do it, and gladly. You’re going to lose some cattle, Les. That’s how it is.”
The blood drained from her face. “You shouldn’t have done that because I won’t help Lola win. Never.”
He slapped her again, then his fingers bruised into her arms. “Yes you will.” Fury glittered in his eyes. “Or I’ll leave you, Les. I swear it.”
Suddenly she hated him with an intensity that shocked her. She hated the physical violence, hated his threats and emotional blackmail. She hated a character so tarnished that he was willing to betray her sisters, Dal, the drovers. She stared into his eyes and didn’t recognize anything that she could ever love or admire.
“Do it then,” she said in a hard low voice. “Go. Leave and good riddance!”
His mouth dropped and for an instant he looked thunderstruck. Then he drew back with a venomous hiss. “I see. You Roarks are all the same. You think you’re better than anyone else. Well, you should thank God that you have me to save you from your own stupidity! Do you have any idea how foolish and inadequate you are?” He grabbed her again, his fingers deliberately cruel on her flesh. “It was me, protecting your interests, who negotiated Caldwell’s offer up to eighty thousand. But you don’t appreciate what I do for you, or all the sacrifices I’ve made. You’re a goddamned Roark, and the world should bow down and cater to you!”
“Let go, Ward.” She said it quietly with no plea in her voice, no tears in her eyes. He expected her usual apologies and reassurances, but she was through debasing herself.
“What the hell has come over you tonight?”
“Let go,” she repeated. Surprised, he lifted his hands from her upper arms. “You will never again strike me or hurt me,” she said firmly. “You will tell Caldwell that I spit on his offer. If you can’t agree to those two things, then I don’t want you. Go ahead and leave.”
She couldn’t believe she was saying this, but it felt so good and so right. Neither of her sisters would have allowed a man to strike them or dictate their thoughts or behavior. Thinking about Freddy and Alex gave her the strength to reach deep for self-respect and clasp it hard.
“Be careful, Les,” he warned. “You’re past your prime. You’re old, and you’re not a beauty. If I turn my back on you, no one else will have you.”
His cruelty hurt as much as her conviction that he was right.
“I may never marry or have a family of my own. But spinsterhood would be easier to bear than betraying people who care about me. I won’t do that.” Tilting her head, she looked up at the stars and felt a weight lift from her shoulders. Suddenly she felt taller and stronger.
Now that she had begun to believe in herself and feel her dependency dropping away, she marveled that she had ever accepted his suit. Wanting to slap at Pa for marrying Lola didn’t explain everything. What disturbed her most was seeing her own inadequacies reflected by the choice she had made. Some weakness in her had responded to Ward’s emotional and physical mistreatment. But a secret pride arose as it dawned on her that she would never have chosen him now.
“I can’t marry you,” she said, blurting the words. Marrying him would be the worst error of her life, a disaster. “I’m truly sorry that I didn’t realize this sooner. I’ll reimburse your losses when I receive my inheritance.” That would assuage her guilt. She wanted to be fair.
Pulling her shoulders back, she felt as if she had suddenly grown up. She had stepped out of a trap and had done it herself without appealing to anyone else. A rush of pride and happiness erased the lines of anxiety between her eyes. She was free.