“My God, Dylan,” Alec said, leaning closer. “Do you really think I care about that?”
Dylan scowled, his expression obviously stemming from confusion, not anger. “Shouldn’t you?”
The question was horrendous, heartbreaking, and so perfectly, perfectly Dylan.
Dylan chewed on his lower lip and turned his attention back to the field. Alec used the time to scan Dylan’s profile and the puzzled look on his face. Apparently, Dylan couldn’t understand Alec’s lack of concern about a sexual hang-up that affected him directly. After the weeks they’d spent together, is that still all Dylan felt the two of them were good for? A great fuck?
Pressure built in Alec’s chest, a pressure so great Alec’s heart rate dropped in response. Time slowed. The sound of the crowd faded. His field of vision narrowed to Dylan as awareness buzzed through him, skirting the edges of something so big, so monumental, the magnitude rendered him unable to move. And then the truth hit with a ruthless force.
He loved Dylan.
The knowledge was sharp, brutal, and unforgiving. Dylan had started this relationship on a lark, and Alec had fallen in love. Alec’s lips twisted wryly, biting back the hysterical laughter threatening to bubble to the surface. Noah had been right all along.
Damn, there’d be no living with his friend when he learned the truth.
The words from Dylan and Alec’s first time in bed came back.
It’s just sex. It doesn’t mean anything.
It doesn’t mean anything.
Alec tried to wrestle the growing fear into submission, feeling about two seconds away from a mental meltdown. He loved a man who had yet to define his sexual orientation, a man who called himself Alec’s backup boyfriend because, as far as Alec had been able to ascertain, he’d never even been in a serious relationship with a woman. Ever.
Jesus, Alec couldn’t even touch him in public.
Good God. Panic appeared to be the only viable option.
The throb at Alec’s temple felt powerful enough to burst a blood vessel. But of all the choices he had, coming unglued wasn’t one of them, not when Dylan had shared such an important part of his past. And, as Alec struggled to find the right words, Dylan finally went on.
“The last time I turned a trick, I just wanted enough money to buy a hamburger.” Dylan let out a bitter bark of laughter. “And not just any hamburger. I wanted the deluxe double cheeseburger from Swanson’s Diner.” He shook his head and looked at Alec. “Isn’t that the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard?”
“No.”
Dylan ignored Alec and kept on talking. “But the shithead was big, and he got rough, and I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was choking.”
Alec’s eyes burned, and his words came out hoarse. “How old were you?”
“Fifteen.”
Christ.
Alec gripped Dylan’s shoulder, but Dylan shifted until he was just out of reach, and Alec’s hand dropped to his lap. Any physical act of support wouldn’t be welcomed by Dylan, especially not in public, no matter how much Alec hurt for the boy Dylan had been. The reminder of the one-sidedness of their relationship left Alec feeling drained.
“I friggin’ lost control over my mouth and throat, no coordination at all,” Dylan went on. “So when he came, I thought I was drowning.”
Pulse pounding now, Alec struggled to keep the pain and the fury on Dylan’s behalf from showing.
“Anyway,” Dylan said with a shrug, “it turned out fine in the long run.”
“How the hell can you say that?”
Dylan sent Alec a small smile. “Cuz I stopped selling blowjobs after that. And a few hours later, I’d mentally recovered enough to hunt the SOB down. I found him getting rough with Rick.”
“The night you two met.”
“Yep,” Dylan said. “Gave me an even better reason to punch him. ’Course, the coward got me with the broken bottle in the back.” A grin crept up his face. “But the fight was fun while it lasted. Afterward, Rick patched me up, and I bought him dinner at Swanson’s Diner.”
At fifteen, Dylan had dealt with a horrendous experience by saving a stranger from an abusive john, making a new friend, and eating a deluxe double cheeseburger.
“I said so before, and I’ll say so again,” Alec said, slowly shaking his head. “You are an amazing person, Dylan Booth.”
“And don’t you forget it.”
Despite everything, the return of the cocky light in Dylan’s eyes made Alec smile, the mix of self-confidence and embarrassment in Dylan’s expression overwhelmingly endearing. A familiar flutter under Alec’s breastbone made him painfully aware of his predicament. And, as he tried to wrap his mind around all that had been shared, only one question remained.
How to survive loving Dylan without losing his mind.
~~~***~~~
The Wednesday after the Tigers game, Dylan entered the combination into the keyless entry on Alec’s front door and let out a sigh.