“I’m just going to go take a shower and then head to bed.” She walked toward the bathroom and took a deep inhale, gripping the doorframe. Her body went a bit limp, and I rushed over to help hold her up. She pulled away from me. “I don’t need you, Tristan. I’m fine without you,” she said coldly. But in the back of her tone I heard more fear than anything. “I don’t need anyone except myself and my baby girl. We’re good, I’m good. I’m good.” She spoke softly, holding on to my T-shirt to keep herself from falling. “I’m…I’m…” She started crying, and I pulled her closer to my body. She cried into my shirt. “You left me.”
“I’m so sorry, baby.” I sighed. I didn’t know what to say, because I had left her and Emma. I ran away when things got real. I didn’t know how to deal with the fact that I loved her, because loving her meant that someday I could lose her, and losing people was the worst feeling in the world. “I got scared. I got mad. And I handled it all completely wrong. But I need you to hear me now: I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I’m here and I’m here to stay.”
She pulled back, wiped her hand beneath her nose, and laughed lightly, trying to stop her tears. “Sorry. I just need a shower.”
“I’ll be here when you’re done.”
Her beautiful brown eyes locked with mine, and a tiny smile grew on her lips. “Okay.”
She closed the bathroom door. I heard the sound of the shower coming on and I leaned against the bathroom door, waiting for her to finish.
“I’m good, I’m good,” she told herself over and over again. Her voice started to shake as she said it, and I could hear her crying again. My hand wrapped around the doorknob, and I pushed it open to see her sitting in the bottom of the tub, her hands covering her face as she cried, dried blood washing out of her hair. Without thought, I climbed into the tub with her and wrapped myself around her. “Tanner’s gone?” she asked, shaking against me.
“Yes.”
“Emma’s okay?”
“Yes.”
“I’m good?” she wondered out loud.
“Yeah, Lizzie. You’re good.”
I stayed with her that whole night. I didn’t lie beside her in her bed, but I sat in the chair at her desk, giving her the distance she needed, but also letting her know that she wasn’t ever going to be alone again.
Chapter Forty-Four
Elizabeth
I awakened to the sound of a lawnmower coming from the backyard. The sun was just waking, and there was no need for anyone to be cutting the grass at such a time. Walking toward my back porch, I looked at Tristan, who was cutting the grass around where the accident with Tanner had happened. My hand lay over my heart, and I moved down the steps, feeling the wet morning grass against my toes.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
He turned my way and shut off the lawnmower. “I didn’t want you to have to see this when you came out to the backyard. I didn’t want you to have to deal with what happened.” He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a coin. “Tanner dropped his coin… I mean, did you ever see this?” He tossed it my way.
“It’s a double-sided coin. It’s always heads.” I said, a bit shocked. “He never truly won the coin toss?”
“Never. I can’t believe I didn’t put the pieces together sooner. I can’t believe he was almost able to hurt you and Emma… I should’ve known something was off. I should’ve known…”
He’s my world. I wanted so much to overthink everything. I wanted to overthink him leaving us. I wanted to overthink his return. I wanted to doubt that he could ever be something that was mine, but my heart told my head to shut up. My heart told me to just allow myself to feel, to live in this moment in time, because all we had was the here and now, and in the blink of an eye, that could be taken away. I had to allow myself to cherish the man in front of me. “I love you,” I whispered, and his stormy eyes smiled in the saddest way as he slid his hands into his pockets.
“I don’t deserve that.”
Moving over to him, I wrapped my fingers around the back of his neck, pulling his lips closer to my lips. His hand fell to my lower back, and I jumped a little from the pain that shot through me. “Are you okay?” he asked.
I chuckled. “I’ve felt worse pain.” My lips lay against his, and I felt his breaths weaving in and out of his mouth. As I inhaled his breath, he exhaled mine. The morning sun was rising behind us, lighting up the grass with a light we both craved. “I love you,” I whispered again.
His forehead pressed against mine. “Lizzie…I need to prove to you that I’m not going to just run away again. I need to prove to you that I’m good enough for you and Emma.”
“Shut up, Tristan.”
“What?”
“I said shut up. You saved my daughter’s life. You saved my life. You’re good enough. You’re our world.”
“I’m not going to stop loving you both, Lizzie. I promise you that for the rest of my life I am going to prove just how much I love you.”
My face brushed against his thick beard and my finger danced around his bottom lip. “Tristan?”
“Yes?”
“Kiss me?”
“Yes.”
And then he did.