“I understand. Don’t be afraid to start dreaming new dreams, though. You were really good at your job, Liz. And it made you happy. You should always hold onto the things that make you most happy.”
After Kathy and Lincoln decided to head home, I fumbled with the locks on my front door that Steven and I were supposed to have changed months before. With a yawn, I headed toward my bedroom and stood in the doorway. The bed was perfectly made, and I hadn’t found the strength to enter the room yet. It seemed almost like a betrayal to crawl into the bed and close my eyes without him beside me.
One breath.
One step.
I walked in and went to the closet, opening it wide. All of Steven’s clothes hung on the hangers, and my fingers brushed against them before I started shaking. Taking all of the clothes off the hangers, I tossed them on the ground, tears burning the back of my eyes. I opened his drawers and pulled out the rest of his items. Jeans, T-shirts, workout clothes, boxers. Every single article of clothing Steven owned found its way to the ground.
I lay in the pile, rolling through his slight scent, which I pretended was still there. I whispered his name, as if he could hear me, and I hugged the thought of him kissing me and holding me in his arms. The tears of my pained heart released on the sleeve of Steven’s favorite T-shirt, and I fell more and more into my sorrow. My cries were wild and thick with ache, like a creature in indescribable pain. Everything hurt. Everything was broken. As the minutes went by, I grew more and more exhausted from my own feelings. The profound tranquility of my dreadful seclusion took me away into a deep sleep.
When I opened my eyes, it was still dark outside. A beautiful little girl and her Bubba were lying beside me, with a tiny part of her blanket resting over her body, and the rest covering me. Every time a moment like this one appeared, I felt a little like my mother. I remembered taking care of her when I should’ve been a child myself. It wasn’t fair for Emma. She needs me. I snuggled in closer to her, kissed her forehead, and promised myself I wouldn’t fall apart anymore.
Chapter Four
Elizabeth
The next morning, Kathy and Lincoln showed up bright and early to pick up Emma for their weekend adventures. Right as I was about to walk out of my house, I heard pounding on my front door. Opening it, I pasted on my biggest fake smile as I stared at three women who lived on my block—three women I hadn’t missed one bit. “Marybeth, Susan, Erica, hi.”
I should’ve known it wouldn’t be long before the three most dramatic and gossipy women in town were standing on my porch. “Oh, Liz,” Marybeth gasped, pulling me into a hug. “How are you doing, darling? We heard rumors that you were coming back into town, but you know us, we hate gossip, so we had to see for ourselves.”
“I made you a meatloaf!” Erica exclaimed. “After Steven died, you left so fast that I wasn’t able to make you any comfort food, so now I was finally able to make you this meatloaf to help you mourn.”
“Thanks, ladies. I was actually just on my way out to—”
“How’s Emma handling everything?” Susan cut in. “Is she dealing? My Rachel was asking about her and wondering if they can have their play dates again, which would be great.” She paused and leaned in. “But, just to be clear, Emma’s not suffering from depression, is she? I hear that can be quite contagious with other kids.”
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I smiled. “Oh no, Emma’s good. We’re good. Everything’s good.”
“So you’ll be back at our book club meetings? Every Wednesday at Marybeth’s. The kids stay in the basement playing while we chat it up about a novel. This week we’re reading Pride and Prejudice.”
“I—” …really don’t want to go. Their eyes zoned in on me, and I knew if I said no, I would be causing myself more trouble than it was worth. Plus, it would be nice for Emma to be around other girls her age. “I’ll be there.”
“Perfect!” Marybeth’s eyes glanced around the yard. “Your yard has quite a personality.” She said it with a grin, but what it really meant was, ‘When are you cutting your grass? You’re embarrassing all of us.’
“I’m working on it,” I explained. I took the meatloaf from Erica and placed it inside before hurrying out and locking my door, trying my best to give them the signal that I was on my way out. “Well, thanks for stopping by, ladies. I better get going into town.”
“Oh? What are you doing in town?” Marybeth questioned.
“I’m actually looking to see if Matty needs an extra hand at Savory & Sweet.”
“Even though they just hired someone? I doubt they’ll have room to add you on,” Erica explained.
“Oh, so the rumors were true that you aren’t starting up your company again? It makes sense that you wouldn’t, without Steven,” Marybeth said.