Texas Blue

chapter 19



LEWT FELT FROZEN TO THE BONE BY THE TIME THEY raced back to the barn, but he didn’t comment. If the weather hadn’t changed, he would have been happy to stand out in that north pasture and kiss Em all day long.

He’d never felt that way about a woman. In fact, since he’d been that kid the soiled doves played at driving crazy with kisses, he’d really never kissed a woman at all and never with any passion. It seemed a waste of time, and most of the ladies he knew didn’t have a mouth that tasted like honey inside and lips that felt all soft and hesitant like Em’s did. She might be hard as a horseshoe when she was working or bossing him around, but when she was in his arms, she was all woman. She seemed to fit just right against him. Just the right height, just the right feel. She was tall and slender, but he’d felt where her hips flared and couldn’t have missed her soft round breasts pressing against his chest.

He thought about telling her how she started a fire inside him . . . about how he’d like to do more than kiss her . . . about how he wanted her beneath him in bed more than he could ever remember wanting a woman.

But Lewt knew he’d never say a word to her. She’d told him his kiss had been her first. She might be near his age, but she’d been raised here on Whispering Mountain completely away from the wildness he’d known. She might not be a lady like the McMurray women, but she wasn’t like anyone from his world and he’d be doing her an injustice to treat her so.

When they reached the barn, rain had started to fall. Sumner was there waiting for them. As always, he stood ready to help Em, and as always, she refused his assistance.

“I expected you in earlier,” he said. “Norther’s blowing in.”

“We found a hurt colt in the north pasture,” Em said, without looking at the old man. “Lewt shot the mountain lion that planned to have him for dinner.”

Sumner looked at Lewt for the first time but didn’t say a word.

“Are the others back from town?”

Sumner slowly turned away from Lewt to answer. “No, they sent word about an hour ago with the mail and medicine. They all decided to stay in town. The women at the little house, the men at the hotel.”

Em nodded. “Makes sense. The ride back in a buggy wouldn’t be pleasant in this weather.”

Lewt stepped beside her. “You would have crossed the hills and cut the time in half, right?”

She smiled. “Not with Mrs. Allender. I had enough trouble leading you.”

He lightly brushed her shoulder with his. “I’d hate to see sweet little Mrs. Allender tumbling from a horse and rolling down a hill.”

“Me too.” Em smiled at him and took off running to the house.

He was right behind her, barely noticing the pounding rain or mud splashing to his knees.

They hit the mudroom laughing and tossing wet coats and hats.

Light shone from the kitchen, but the mudroom was in shadows. Lewt knew without asking that Rose left a light for Em every night. Only tonight, Miss McMurray was in town. Neither the reverend nor his wife would have thought to light the lamp.

Em pulled the curtain by the bath and disappeared behind it. “Get out of those wet clothes and I’ll toss you dry ones. Uncle Travis keeps a set of work clothes here. They should fit you.”

He looked at the tall shelves squared into boxes, each with sets of shirts and trousers. He’d never really noticed them before, but now he knew they were a change of clothes for every McMurray. Any member of the family who’d worked hard was expected to change and clean up in the mudroom before stepping in the house. A washstand stood in each corner of the room, and he knew without testing that there would be fresh water in the pitchers.

He glanced over at her silhouette on the curtain. She was tugging off one of her boots. “What are you going to wear?”

She froze for a moment, then said, “I can wear Emily’s work clothes. We’re almost the same size and she rarely needs them.”

He tugged his shirt off as he watched her shadow. “You’re a little taller,” he commented, wishing to add that she was braver and bolder and more strong willed.

“Am I?” she said as she wiggled out of her wet jeans.

He stopped moving. He even stopped breathing as he watched the shadow peel away clothes. What he’d thought was almost a man’s body was very much a woman’s. She was tall and lean, but she definitely had curves in all the right places. Fighting down a yell when she tugged on a shirt, he forced himself to look away.

“You about ready?” She wiggled into new trousers that washed away her shapely figure and made her look boxy again.

He poured water into the basin and splashed. “Give me one more minute.”

When she pulled the curtain, he was buttoning his shirt and facing the wall. Part of him didn’t want to look at her. He felt like he’d learned some grand secret and she’d have to kill him if she knew he knew.

Lewt made up his mind he’d never say anything to her, or to anyone. He wished he could forget about the body he’d seen outlined in shadow, but he knew he never would. He’d see that body in his dreams probably every night for the rest of his life.

When he turned, he kept his head down as he buckled his belt. “Any chance you’ll eat dinner with us tonight, Em? I’m not sure I can handle both the Watsons alone, and Emily never has much to say. Half the time I think she’s dreaming about something else and not bothering to follow the conversation.”

Em laughed. “I didn’t think guests could invite guests.”

He frowned, guessing she was right. “Probably true, but if you don’t join us then I plan to eat with you and those two giggly girls in the kitchen.”

“All right. Emily and I have been friends since we were in school. I’ll ask if she’d mind if I join you all tonight. I often do when just the girls are at home.” She watched him finish dressing. “Besides, if you eat with the girls, you’ll be eating in the barn. They both have taken a liking to the wrangler Boyd brought along to care for his horses. Sumner tells me every night the meal in the empty stall lasts a little longer. He claims the giggles are keeping the horses up.”

He looked at her. “So you’ll join us?” He studied her eyes, deciding that when she wasn’t mad about something, she had wonderful eyes. They reminded him of the blue Texas sky.

“I will.”

Lewt smiled at her. “Thanks.” Then he thought of her body and had to look down again.

She hit him in the head with a pair of rolled-up socks. While he put them on and rubbed his hair dry with a towel, she went to find Emily.

He was standing in the kitchen downing a cup of coffee when Miss Emily came in, looking flustered.

“I’m glad you’re back,” she said, twisting her hands together. “I’ve asked Em to join us for dinner, if you have no objections.”

“I have none,” he said, thinking he could never marry a woman who got so flustered over one guest for dinner. She was a beauty, like her sisters, but in a million years Emily McMurray would never be wild enough for him.

With less sadness than he’d thought he’d have, Lewt realized he would be going back to Austin alone. None of Duncan’s cousins were right for him. He liked them all, admired them even, but he couldn’t see himself spending the rest of his life with one of them. The only woman on the ranch that he was attracted to had made it plain she never wanted to marry. The day after the big party they’d all planned, he’d ride away from Whispering Mountain and probably never return. In fact, he doubted he’d ever be welcome after Duncan figured out what he’d done.

Miss Emily gave him a smile that lasted less than a blink and turned toward the hallway. “Mr. and Mrs. Watson are in the great room having sherry before dinner. If you’ll join them, I’ll check on the meal. I’m afraid without Rose’s or Mrs. Allender’s help, the girls only managed a simple meat pie tonight.”

Lewt wondered where the dueling gigglers were, but he didn’t ask. He’d been told one day at breakfast that they liked to sleep in after cleaning up from the night before, but he’d guessed they had helped with the rest of the meals. Apparently not.

Looking over at the counter, he saw two meat pies cooling, bread in need of slicing, one bowl of vegetables, and another of peaches. “How about I help you carry this stuff in?” He picked up the largest bowl.

“Oh, no, Mr. Paterson. I couldn’t let you.”

“But you’ll have to make several trips, and two people could cut the time in half.”

“Oh, no.” Emily looked so upset, he set the bowl back on the counter.

Em’s laughter came from the doorway. “Let him help or he’ll drive you crazy; I should know.” She walked past Emily and picked up one of the pies. “We’ll all three help.”

Miss Emily calmed and nodded as they marched in to dinner.

To his surprise Miss Emily seemed less at ease at the table than Em did. Em told everyone how Lewt had saved her life, and Mrs. Watson seemed very upset at the danger and very thankful at the outcome. Mr. Watson stopped the eating for a moment of thanks. Five minutes into the prayer, Lewt opened one eye and saw Em staring at him. They both spent the rest of the thanks fighting down laughter.

After dinner Lewt helped clear the table while the Watsons and Miss Emily moved to the great room, promising to set up a card game. By the time he and Em laughed their way through clearing the table, Mrs. Watson had Miss Emily settled into a comfortable chair with her sewing in her lap.

Mr. and Mrs. Watson had little interest in playing cards, leaving Em and Lewt at the game table alone. Within minutes Mr. Watson had found a book he simply had to read and Mrs. Watson was snoring in her chair, her knitting tangled in her hands like a worn fishing net.

“You two don’t have to entertain me. I’m fine,” Miss Emily said, but they both swore they were just passing time.

“What do you want to play?” Lewt asked, sensing that Em might not be as easy to fool at cards as the others had been.

“I don’t know,” she answered, showing little interest in the game.

“How about poker? Ever play?” He smiled, guessing she wouldn’t know the game.

“All right. I’ll give it a try.”

He shuffled the cards. “Five card?”

“Fine. What do we play for?”

He glanced around and noticed the matches in the tin near the cold fireplace. Standing, he retrieved them and gripped two hands full. “I divide the matches, you pick which pile you want.”

She touched his left hand and he released his grip, letting the matches tumble onto her side of the table. They began to play, with him doing more teaching than gambling.

An hour later, he’d let her win all the matches and Emily was dozing along with Mrs. Watson.

Em leaned across the table and whispered, “We’d better call it a night.”

Lewt touched Mrs. Watson on the shoulder. She jumped, came awake enough to mumble good night, and headed up to her room.

Em woke Miss Emily more easily, and Lewt insisted on carrying her up to her room. Emily protested as he lifted her. He was as careful with her as if she’d been glass, but from the way she stiffened in his arms he knew she didn’t think she needed to be carried to bed.

Em showed him Emily’s room. Lewt quickly set her down and backed out of the room as Em made her comfortable. With one glance he decided Emily’s room didn’t seem to fit her. He’d expected quilts with detailed hand stitching and lacy things on every surface, but the room was plain; even the windows had no cover. If he didn’t know better he would have thought this room belonged to someone who always woke and watched the dawn and who spent very little time there.

He could hear the Watsons talking as he passed one of the bedroom doors but didn’t really care what they were saying. Soon he’d be gone and none of the people would be on his mind, except maybe Em. She’d stay in his thoughts for a long time.

In the great room he poured himself a brandy and played with the cards, as he had thousands of hours before. His mind didn’t need to stay clear tonight. The other two men were gone. There was no competition and no one to court.

Not that there really was anyway. Bethie only seemed to have eyes for Davis, and Rose was no more interested in him than she seemed to be in Boyd. Lewt had been an idiot to risk the one true friendship he had in this world for a chance to court a rich woman. Duncan had been his friend for years. They’d helped each other out of a dozen scraps and covered the other’s back in more than one fight. Now he’d go back to Austin without a wife and probably without a friend. Lewt had a feeling when the ranger found out what Lewt had done, at the least it would be the end of the friendship; at the worst the ranger would call him out for a fight.

Lewt shrugged, knowing if the worst happened he’d step out with an unloaded gun strapped to his hip.

He poured himself another drink. He’d honestly thought all three women would have fallen in love with him at first sight. All the saloon girls seemed to. The reality that none of them even flirted with him hurt his pride. He felt like he’d paid dearly for the lesson learned. Even the woman he’d kissed this week had told him a dozen times that she never planned to marry. He was just someone to learn something unknown with, not someone to mold a life with.

When he looked toward the door, he noticed Em leaning against the frame watching him.

“You look down,” she said, without moving into the room. “Like a man who has just lost a friend.”

He lifted his glass. “I thought I’d drawn the last thought of a dream I had.”

“To marry a rich woman?” Her smile seemed somehow sad.

“That and to have a regular family. I never had one growing up. I thought it would be nice to have a wife to come home to. Someone to talk about the day with, but I guess that’s not an option for people like me.”

She watched him but didn’t say a word. Maybe she figured he’d be gone soon and she had no need to know any more about him.

“I did learn a great deal this week, thanks to you, Em. I think when I get back to Austin, I’ll buy a horse, a good one, and go riding. I have a feeling I’ll still hear your lessons echoing in my ears.”

“I learned something too,” she said. “I learned what a kiss was like, and I thank you for that. I still know marriage is not for me, but at least I have a nice memory. I never dreamed the touch of a man’s lips could make a warmth go all the way down my body.”

He picked up the cards. “You want to play another hand?”

“For what?”

He smiled slowly. “For one last kiss.”

She laughed. “One good-bye kiss.”

“Fair enough.” He dealt the hand without either of them taking a chair. He played it straight and won.

When she dropped her cards on the table, she stepped into his arms. His hand cupped the back of her head and held her just the way he liked to kiss her, leaning down only slightly, turning his head one way as he moved hers the other.

Tomorrow everyone would be getting ready for the party and he’d probably have to stay around, but for this one quiet moment he wanted to give her a kiss they’d both remember.

He’d meant it to be a sweet farewell kiss, but the memory of her shadow filled his mind and he pressed against the length of her. He knew this woman. Not only the taste and feel of her; he knew how she lived and felt and talked. She was as honest as the land she worked all day and the opposite of him. For one moment, as they held to each other, day and night touched. His rotten life at the bottom of society and her pure-air life on Whispering Mountain had collided, and they both knew that neither could step out of their world and into the other’s.

He tugged at her oversized shirt until he freed the cotton from her waist and pushed his hand inside so that he could feel her warm skin. He’d thought she might jerk away, but she didn’t.

Brushing his hand over her back, he whispered in her ear, “Thanks, darlin’,” like she’d just given him a gift.

Between the night and the brandy he didn’t seem capable of reason. All he wanted to do was hold her for as long as she’d let him. This woman’s spirit drew him as no woman ever had. She was strong and stubborn as no woman he’d ever known, but right now, in his arms, she was sweet and warm and yielding.

When he finally ended the kiss, he couldn’t let go. “You’re the one thing I’ll miss when I leave,” he whispered against her cheek.

She rubbed her cheek against his chin. “You’ll be surrounded by women in Austin.”

“Not like you, Em. I’ve never met anyone like you.”

Without another word, she circled his neck and pulled him down the few inches for another kiss. He felt the warmth of her body press against him and wanted to breathe her deep into his lungs so he’d never get the fresh smell of her or the taste of her out of his mind. His hand moved over her back and along her sides. Her skin was soft as velvet. When he brushed just beneath her breast, he heard her soft sigh of pleasure. She might never want a man, but she was a woman meant to be cherished and made love to, often.

When she pulled away to breathe, he whispered, “I don’t suppose you’d consider coming to Austin with me?”

She shook her head as he noticed for the first time how pretty she was when she blushed.

“I can’t,” she whispered. “I’ve never trusted a man to get this close before. I fear I’d panic if we got any closer. In a few days you’ll forget about me.”

“And you’ll forget about me,” he teased.

“Maybe,” she whispered, and he knew she was lying just as he was.

She laid her hand flat against his heart. “I thought I’d be terrified if a man ever came so close, but I like the feel of you.”

He slowly unbuttoned his shirt and gently pushed her hand over his heart with no cotton to hinder her touch. “If you like the feel of me, Em, then feel me. Look at me. See me. Everything will be crazy around here and we may not be together like this again, but for tonight, know that you are with me. Not just some man you let kiss you. Not a stranger, but me.”

Panic flashed in her eyes for a moment, and then she smiled. “I can feel your heart.”

He thought of saying something flowery and romantic, but he wanted no more lies between them. If he left she’d never know that he wasn’t the honest man he pretended to be.

He unbuttoned the rest of his shirt and watched her as she moved her fingers over his chest. Her hands were worn from hard work, but her touch was light and gentle.

“Tell me your thoughts,” he asked, standing very still with his hands resting easy on her waist.

“The hair on your chest is softer than I’d thought it would be. The muscles tighter.” She stopped her hand over his heart once more. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Why? We’re not children who need watching.” He leaned over and kissed just below her ear. “I know you may not believe me, Em, but I’ve never been like this with a woman.”

She raised an eyebrow and studied him. “You’ve never kissed a woman?”

He grinned. “I’ve kissed a few, but none I’d kiss again.”

“You’ve never had a sweetheart?”

“Never.”

“But you’ve been with women. More than one?”

He closed his eyes, wishing he could lie to her, but he wouldn’t. For once in his life he’d answer honestly whatever she asked. “Yes, more than one.”

He felt her body stiffen in his arms as she lifted her chin and asked, “Did you force them?”

“No, Em. I’ve never forced a woman. I never would. I may be a lot of things you might not think are grand, but I swear to you, I’m not that. I didn’t have any feelings for them. We were just passing time.”

She relaxed slightly. “I believe you. I’m glad that the one man who kissed me was you.”

“With you it’s far more than I expected. With each kiss, each touch, a hunger grows in me. It’ll be hard saying good-bye to you, Em, but I’ll do it if that’s what you want.”

“That’s what I want,” she said. “You have to become a memory.”

He wanted to hold her gently in his arms all night. There were deep, dark secrets within this woman. Secrets he wasn’t sure he could bear to know, but it helped realizing that somehow he’d reached her and she felt safe in his arms.

Pulling away from her, he turned down the light until the room was in shadows, guessing she wouldn’t want to be in the dark. “The rain’s slowed. It’s too cold to sit on the porch swing tonight, but would you sit with me for a while in here? We could listen to the rain.”

He touched her hand and tugged her toward the couch.

She hesitated, then followed and curled up beside him as if they were on the swing. After a while, she said, “I’m sorry you didn’t find your dream here.”

His arm tightened slightly over her shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. I think it was an impossible dream. I thought it would be grand to have a wife and maybe kids. A home I could come to at night when I’m tired. A place where the world would seem at peace.” He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the leather couch. “It wasn’t to be. Not for a man like me, I guess.”

She cuddled closer. “You’ll find it someday. You found me for a friend, didn’t you?”

“That’s true. The first day I went out with you I thought you might be trying to kill me.”

“I was.” She laughed, and he wasn’t sure if she was joking or not.

He kissed the tip of her nose. “Should we play for another kiss?”

“It’s too dark.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to let you win,” he said, with his lips already brushing hers. She giggled and collected her winnings.

When he broke the kiss, she cuddled close to his side as she had before. “Stay here with me tonight, Em. Sleep on my shoulder. Let me hold you.”

“But it’s not right.”

“No one’s in this part of the house. No one will know. I just want to hold you for a while.”

“All right,” she said. “For a while.”

A few minutes later he felt her breathing slow, and he knew she was asleep. This was as near as he’d ever come to sleeping with a woman. He smiled, loving the peace of it.

In her sleep, she reached for his hand and held on tight. Lewt drifted into sleep, feeling as if all was right in the world.

Six hours later at dawn, the pounding on the door woke him to the fact that he’d guessed wrong. Something was very wrong.