Tap Dance (Dance Series)

chapter Twenty Five



I drove quickly back to Aunt Estella's and changed out of my cute Navy Blue dress, which I made a mental note to burn, and jumped into jeans and boots.

I'm not one of those gals that can go home and have a good cry when her heart has been broken. Nope, I've had too many instances where of pieces of my heart have been torn from my body to just shed a couple of tears and get over it. When I'm hurt, devastated, I shut down. And the best way for me to deal with it is to drive.

So that was my plan.

I was moving fast and looking back on it now, it was maybe twenty minutes after Dr. Patel's announcement and I was back in my car.

But my cell must've had twenty or so calls by that time.

I just turned the damn thing off.

I was not in the mood to talk.

Especially not to him.

I didn't want to think.

I just wanted to drive.

So that's what I did.

At first, I drove in and around our town, and even after I swore I'd been up and down every street, I still wasn't ready to stop driving.

I filled up the tank at the closest Mini-Mart and grabbed a handful of junk food with a huge cup of soda. I pointed the nose of my Charger towards the Interstate and just rode in silence for a long time.

A long, long time.

I filled up again just across the Arizona state line and glanced at the clock on the dash.

Good.

Today was finally tomorrow.

I grabbed a huge mug of coffee this time, knowing I had a long way back to Grantham.

It was just after three a.m., when I hit the edge of town.

I didn't want to go to my Aunt's house.

All my friends would be sleeping and there wasn't really anything I was ready to talk about yet.

I ended up at my apartment.

I went in and turned the light on over the stove.

The removal company had come in and done their thing. My living room was empty, except for the end and coffee table and the curio cabinet holding the Hummel collection.

My bedroom was completely empty.

I had just gotten comfortable sitting on the countertop, eating ice cream straight from the carton when the buzzer sounded.

Oh, hello. No.

I wasn't ready to see him yet.

I didn't want to see him yet.

The buzzer rang three more times before I made my way over to the intercom.

"Go away," I said.

"Marianne?" That wasn't Ram's voice.

"C'mon, let me in. It's cold."

"Steve?"

"Yeah, babe. Let me in."

I buzzed him in, curious.

"What are you doing here?" What is it about middle of the night conversations, with low lighting, that makes you feel the need to whisper?

"Tried calling you, babe, but couldn’t get through on your cell."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. You?"

I was not going to discuss me. I wasn't even willing to discuss me with me, yet.

I nodded.

Steve's eyes roamed over my bare place.

"Mari, are you moving?"

"You could say that, " I said with a wry smile.

He didn't need to hear my particulars. He'd kind of forfeited the right to do that years ago.

"So, tell me, Cowboy. What're you doing skulking around in the dark?"

"Just wanted to see you, Sideshow."

I smiled.

"You're so full of shit, your eyes are brown."

"I wanted to see you again. After we spoke the other day…" Steve ran his hand through his light brown hair.

Or what remained of his light brown hair.

I ran my eye over him and saw that the years hadn't been good to him.

When we were married, Steve had been a walking poster boy for the 'preppy' look. Khakis and polo shirts. Three piece suits with suspenders that echoed the color of his ties.

Tonight, though, he was wearing jeans, beat up tennis shoes and a hoodie. A hoodie, for goodness sakes. With the hood up when he first came in. And, it flashed through my memory, he had come into the building with sunglasses on at four o'clock in the morning.

"What's going on, Steve?"

"Ah, things have gotten a little out of hand." Steve's head was down, watching his hands as they played with the strings of his hoodie.

"You want to explain what that means?"

"Not really." Steve sighed.

"What about the CDs, Steve? Why did you send them to me and have me put them in the safe deposit box?"

"I can't tell you, Mari. But they help me stay safe." He shot his eyes to me as he spoke

"Safe? Safe from what?" I could feel my eyebrows coming together. I hate cryptic talk.

He just looked at me.

"Okay. So, why did you come here?" I tried a different tactic to get to the truth.

"I told you. I wanted to see you again."

I looked at him and could feel my head tilt while I thought. Something wasn't quite right, didn't quite ring true.

"I think I made a big mistake, Mari. Leaving Grantham. Leaving you."

This was huge.

Steve Quinlan never made mistakes. And if he did make them, he never, ever owned up to them.

"Do you ever think about us, Mari?"

"Who? Me and you?"

I watched him nod.

"Not really. It was a long time ago."

"Not so long," he said leaning up against the countertop and crossing his feet at the ankles. "Was I so easy to forget?"

I didn't want to open that can of worms. Steve had hurt me pretty badly when I realized that he basically had chosen his job, his career over our marriage.

I leaned on my elbows by the sink.

"I didn't have a choice but to move on, Steve," I said, trying to be kind.

"You ever think about us trying again?"

Where the hell was he going with this?

"Not really, no."

"I do. I miss you, Mare. I think the biggest mistake I ever made was in letting you go."

I was quiet, drawing little invisible circles on the countertop.

"Steve, you didn't 'let me go'. You left. There's a big difference between the two, wouldn't you say?"

He was quiet this time.

"I need to go," he said.

"I'll walk you out." I grabbed my keys and opened the apt door before turning off the light over the stove.

We walked out of the apartment together. We got to the sidewalk and I pointed my thumb over my shoulder.

"I'm parked over there."

"I'm going this way," Steve said, copying my movement but aiming his thumb the direct opposite way with a smile.

I smiled back and next thing I knew I was in his arms. I pulled back a little and saw the look on his face.

It was bleak and sad at the same time.

"Hey. Are you okay?" I asked again. The man hugging me was not the same man I'd been married to back in the day.

"Yeah. Will be, anyway." Steve said with a soft chuckle. "You take care, Mari, okay?"

"You, too, Steve." I said reaching up to kiss him softly before releasing and stepping back.

I watched him walk away before I turned and made my way to my car.