Tap Dance (Dance Series)

chapter Eleven



On Saturdays, the first thing I usually do is go visit my mom at the Nursing Home. The earlier in the day I could get to her, the better chance I had of her remembering me.

Remembering that I was her daughter.

We lost my dad to a massive coronary when I was fourteen. It hit me hard but something within my mom died right along with him.

My parents had married in their early twenties and had been told, after extensive tests, that they wouldn't be able to have kids. So you can imagine their surprise when my mom became pregnant with me when she was forty-two years old.

My folks were closer than close, still in very much in love after all those years. My mom thought the sun rose and set on her man and when she lost him suddenly she, too, became lost.

In a way, I guess you could say that I lost both my parents when I was fourteen.

I had the grades and the smarts, along with the money, to be able to go to University. So I moved to Grantham from Cortez, which is only a couple of hours south in our little corner of Colorado.

I tried to get down to Cortez to visit my mom every couple of weeks and even then, I could see that things with her was just a little off. She was functioning but I noticed that late in the day she wasn't tracking very well. Calling me by her dead sister's name or picking up the framed photos asking who the people were in the pictures.

But, in the grips of my self centered youth, I just chalked it up to dad's passing.

That is, until I got a call from the next door neighbor telling me that Mom had taken to wandering the streets in her bathrobe and slippers in the middle of the night.

It wasn't every night, but even if she did it once, it was too much.

I was able to get her into the doctor over Thanksgiving break and he, in turn, sent us to a specialist.

My mother, my beautiful smart and witty mother, was diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimer's. He explained the meds that could help, but I should plan on, at some point, having her in a facility where she could have the proper care that she would require.

I turned to Uncle Roger and Aunt Estella who said they would love to have Mom at their house so over Christmas Break we moved Mom to Grantham.

Within six months, Mom was back to trying to roam the streets at night. I had no choice but to place her in Shady Acres. They had a complete wing dedicated to patients with Alzheimer's.

I tried to visit her two to three times a week.

But by going to see her early in the day, like on a weekend morning, I had more of a chance of having her remember me.

Of seeing even a glimpse of the Mom my heart remembered.

I went by to see her early, taking her a small container of Chubby Hubby ice cream which she liked and a small bouquet of whatever flower was in season and was available in the floral section of the supermarket.

Unfortunately, even though I got there early, she was already back in the past, talking to me about the other kids in home room and that nasty science teacher that she didn't like.

I listened, just like always.

Kissed her good-bye, just like always.

I spoke to the Nurse to get any updates on her medications, etc., just like always.

I got in my car and waited for the tears to stop so I could drive away, just like always.

So I wasn't in the best frame of mind to get a call from my ex-husband, Steve, before I could even pull out of Shady Acres' parking lot.

"Hey, Sideshow," I heard when I answered the phone. It had said 'Unknown Caller' on the screen and I thought maybe it was from Ram calling from his office or something, so silly me answered the call.

"Hey, Steve." I was hoping he could tell by my voice I was not happy to hear from him. And to have him start the conversation using a nickname I abhorred, did not bode well for the rest of the phone call with him.

It was a nickname that I'd gotten in school because of my curly hair. If I don't keep it long enough to weigh it down, the corkscrew curls tend to have a mind of their own. Otherwise, my hair kind of looks like the guy from the Simpson's cartoon.

Thus, the Sideshow nickname.

I hated it.

"Did you get my package?"

"What package?"

"The Fed Ex package."

"Why would you be sending me a Fed Ex package, Steve?"

"I need you to, ah, hang on to it for me."

I was silent trying to figure out, in 'Steve speak', what he was actually trying to say.

"Mari, I need you to hang onto what's in the package for a while, okay?"

"What's in the package?"

"Just some discs, some CDs, that I need to store away for a while. Just put them in the safe deposit box and when I'm able, I'll come get them."

"Why do I need to put them in my safe deposit box, Steve?"

The phone went quiet and I pulled it away from my ear to make sure we were still connected. When he finally did speak, his voice sounded funny.

"I miss you, Mari."

"C'mon, Steve. We were only married for a couple of years, a long time ago. And I haven't heard from you in, like, forever. So the whole 'missing me' thing isn't going to work. I'll ask you again. Why did you Fed Ex me some CDs that you think need to go in my safe deposit box until you're able to come get them?"

"Mari, please. Please just do this for me. It's important."

Again, his voice sounded different. Tense. Tight.

"Are you okay, Steve?"

I heard his sigh.

"I've, ah, got a bit of a situation going on. Nothing I can't handle. But I need your help for just a little while."

"Where are you? The last I heard you were in New Mexico."

"I'm kind of in between places at the moment. Please, Mari, just do this for me, okay? I've got to go."

"Wait, Steve! I need more information. I don't want to get involved with…" And the call disconnected. I stared at my cellphone like it could tell me what the hell was going on with Steve.

I remembered there was a Fed Ex envelope in with my mail. With everything that had been going on, I never opened it. Never even took it out of the grocery bag.

I had met Steve when we were in college. He was good looking but even better, he was funny. I never laughed so much in my life than when I was with him. In fact, it was a running joke between us that he laughed me into bed.

The shared laughter was important to me then, filling my heart in a way that is hard to describe. But, honestly, I almost felt like I hadn't laughed since my dad died.

Our marriage went south when Steve, an investment banker, was offered a job working for a large firm in Oklahoma City.

I was shocked when he told me, his voice dream-building the life we'd have together in a city, the things we would do.

I couldn't leave.

I couldn't leave my mom.

Steve didn't understand it and the only real fights we ever had were over us moving.

In the end, he decided that it was an opportunity that he couldn't pass up.

We divorced.

It was amicable.

Sad.

But amicable.

I needed to find the Fed Ex envelope and see what kind of stuff my ass-hat, ex-husband was trying to involve me in.



*.*.*.*.*

Ram didn't want to do it but between one thing and another he hadn't gotten a chance to talk with Marianne about her apartment.

About being able to go back in.

About what had been done to it.

He wasn't sure how she was going to take it and he didn't want to see her hurt or in pain over anything.

His gut was telling him she would probably feel both.

Sighing, he pulled out his cell and called her.

"Hey, Ram, what's up?" Ram shivered at the sound of his name on her lips.

"I thought we could go together to see your apartment if you have time." He could hear the reluctance in his own voice and was almost hoping she would say, 'No thanks. Have no need to see what a nut job did to my beautiful, warm home. '

"Right now?"

"If it's convenient for you." He didn't tell her that he had cleared his calendar for the rest of the afternoon and evening just in case. Tim would be taking any of the calls normally directed at him. When he left the bullpen, he knew word had gotten out regarding his plans as evidenced by the sympathetic glances and the "Good Luck, Chief" remarks that were offered.

"Uh, sure. Did you want to meet there?"

No.

He absolutely didn't want to meet there.

He wanted her in his truck, with him, as she went through this.

"I can either pick you up at your aunt's or you could meet me at my house," he suggested.

"I can meet you at your place. What time?"

"Anytime you're ready."

"I'm just pulling into your driveway now," she said with a giggle.

"Right behind you, Pyari." And he disconnected the call.

She was smiling as she entered his truck. She leaned over the console and kissed him lightly before sitting back and doing up her seatbelt.

"Finally! Two weeks since the break in and I finally get to go back in," She said glancing at him with a huge smile.

Oh, God. How was he going to do this?

"Ah, Pyari. I need you to be prepared."

"Prepared? For what?"

"Tim and Jeff have gone over your place to try and figure out the who, what and why but they've got nothing so far. We're still waiting for the tests to come back from Cortez but we agreed that you can go to your place."

"Let's get to the 'why I need to be prepared' stuff."

"But," he said firmly. "I didn't think you should go in alone and Jeff suggested that you hire someone to remove all the damaged items before you go in."

"What are you saying, Ram?"

Ram knew he was circling the issue. He used the few seconds that it took to park in front of her building to try and find the right words.

"At this time, your apartment is…uninhabitable."

He shut off the engine and turned to her.

"So, you're saying that even though I can go inside, I can't live there?" She was frowning as she thought this through.

"Yes," he said softly.

She glanced up at the apartment building through the window.

"Is it bad, Ram?" she asked softly, her face pointed away from him.

"Yes, Pyari." He reached for her hand and felt her squeeze his tightly.

"Will you be with me?" She asked turning back to him, her eyes wide.

"Yes, Marianne." Is what his mouth said.

His heart was whispering, 'Always.'

She turned back to the window and sighed.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be, Ram."

He had swung by Jake and Caitlin's before calling her to pick up the new keys. Jake made sure that the outside door had a new lock as well as Marianne's apartment.

They walked up the sidewalk, both of them quiet as they saw that the chandelier above the door had been replaced and the door and door frame. Both had been repaired with nothing to indicate it's prior damage.

"Here's your new set of keys, this one is the outside door and this one is for your apartment. Jake made sure that Layne, Sara and Julie got the keys for the new lock on the outside door."

He was still holding her hand as they walked up the porch steps and he felt her shaking.

Ram stopped her before she put the key in the front door.

"I need for you to understand, Pyari, before we go inside. Whoever did this took a knife to every item in your apartment. Your couch, bed, chairs, throw pillows and your clothes are all destroyed. Your dresser was dumped and the bottom of every drawer was punched through."

Her eyes widened at his words.

"It's really, really bad, isn't it?"

He could only nod.

He watched his brave, brave girl take a deep breath and place the new key in the new lock of the large outside door and turned it.

It opened quietly and they stepped inside the hall.

Ram closed the heavy door and Marianne waited until he was beside her once again before putting the key in the new lock on her apartment.

She turned the key and released the lock.

Ram felt his muscles tense.

"I'm scared." He heard her whisper.

"I'm here." He whispered back as he pressed up against her back and wrapped his arm around her waist. He could feel her quaking, but still she reached out and turned the doorknob, pushing the door open.

She didn't step inside as the door opened, instead she pressed herself back against him.

There was a few moments of quiet as they both looked at the scene in front of them.

He couldn't see her face from his position behind her but he felt the first sob move through her and watched as she raised her hands to her face.

You couldn't see much from where they were standing. But you could see enough, more than enough, in the sunlight trying to break through the closed drapes.

Her body bucked against his again as another deep sob shook her. And within seconds her knees collapsed and he held her full weight against him.

Without thinking, he twisted them so she was no longer facing the room, facing the devastation of her home. He quickly closed the door before turning her into his chest and wrapping himself around her.

Heart-broken.

The sounds she made against him, the keening cries told him that her heart was broken.

And they hadn't even made it inside.

He didn't know how long they stood outside that closed door but he was willing to stay there years if she needed him to, if she would let him.

After a while, her keening moved to sobs.

The sobs turned to tears.

Her tears to sniffles, the sniffles to hitches.

And still he held her although as her crying changed, he was able to hold her softer, rubbing her back, offering her comfort.

She pulled back enough to look up at him.

Ram brushed her hair tenderly away from her face before using his thumb over her cheekbone, his fingers trailing along her jaw, his thumb making its way to rub her lower lip.

"I'm so glad you were here, Ram." she whispered, her wet blue eyes still filled with pain.

He leaned down and pressed his mouth to hers lightly. "Me, too, Pyari."

Ram took her hand and stroked her fingers until she opened her fist and he could get the key. He saw not only the imprint of the key she had clutched but the tiny, half moons where she had dug her nails into her hand.

"Let me lock up and we can go," he whispered and felt her move back but not let go of his shirt.

He took her back to his home where he could watch over her, where he could care for her as she worked through her pain.

He tenderly placed her in her corner of his couch.

Ram put the tea on to brew and begin filling the large tub in his bathroom even using some of his sister in law's bubble bath.

When the tea was ready he poured two mugs taking them to the tub that was still filling. He went back into the living room and held out his hand to pull her from the couch to lead her into the bathroom.

Ram stood her next to the tub and gently, carefully removed her clothes, neither one of them speaking.

He removed his own, helping her into the tub holding her on his lap as the large tub continued to fill.

He held her with one hand and sipped his tea with the other.

Still neither of them spoke.

He turned off the faucet and leaned back, easing her back with him, letting the water soothe them both.

It took a while but her body eventually relaxed against him. She turned, straddling him as she wrapped her arms around him burying her face into his neck. He wrapped his arms around her fisting a hand in her hair to hold her close.

"Main tumse pyar karta hoon," he whispered almost without sound.

They stayed in that position until the water cooled.

Marianne pulled back and he watched as her eyes roamed his face before filling with tears that slipped slowly down her face. She pressed her beautiful mouth to his as she sighed, "I am so glad you are here, Ram."

He dried her and dressed her in his blue kameez, rolling the sleeves back. She stood in the same place he had placed her, her eyes following him as he dried himself before donning the matching salwar and leading her out of the bathroom, onto his bed.

It wasn't long and she was asleep, the emotions of the day taking their toll.

Ram held her as she slept, her head cradled against his shoulder.

He was almost asleep when he heard her whisper, "I'm glad you are here, Ram."



*.*.*.*.*

We were awakened by Ram's phone. I heard him talking softly and then he turned on the lamp on his nightstand. When the call ended, he wrote in the little notebook that was sitting by the phone.

"What's up, honey?" My voice was as groggy as I felt.

"There's a situation, Pyari. I'm going to have to go."

He put the notebook and pen down before turning back to me.

"You're welcome to stay. Or I can drop you off at your aunt's house if you prefer."

I thought about it.

I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want Ram to be away from me just yet, but my head knew that he had to go. People depended on him.

"My aunt's will be fine, Ram." I moved out of the bed looking around the room for my clothes.

Oh. The bathroom.

My clothes, that my Ram had lovingly removed, were probably still on the floor in the bathroom.

I was just coming back in the room, folding the kameez as I walked, when Ram stopped in front of me and took me in his arms. He had put on jeans and a shirt, but hadn't yet buttoned them up.

"Are you okay, MG?"

"I will be, Ram. It might take a while, but I will be." I said softly into his beautiful chest.