My gaze slices to his, my eyes swimming with tears. I can see the fear and remorse on his face.
“That was important to me.” My whispered voice breaks. “What we did…I gave that to you because I trusted you, and to now know that hours later you went out and had sex with someone else…” A sob breaks from me. Tears are carelessly dripping down my cheeks. I move toward the door. “We might not have been together at the time, but it feels like a betrayal.” I swipe at my face angrily.
Tom strides over to me, taking me by the shoulders, and I don’t have the energy to fight him off.
“I didn’t have sex with her. I haven’t had sex with anyone since you.” He’s breathing heavily. “No one since you, I swear. I went to that bar, thinking if I had sex with someone, it would fix me, put my life back the way it was before you. I was feeling too much for you. I was scared. I panicked, so I reacted in the only way I knew how. I thought going back to my old ways would fix it.”
I wrap my arms around myself. “Who was she?”
He shakes his head slowly. “I don’t know. Just some woman in a bar.”
“You didn’t have sex with her. So, what did you do?”
Why am I asking this? Do I really want to know? Will it make any of this better?
No.
But the sadistic part of me needs to hear this.
Tom stares at me, indecision in his eyes. I can see pain tearing at his features.
“Lyla…you don’t want to hear this.”
But that doesn’t stop me. Any rational in me is gone. I’m pain, blinding pain, and it’s in the driving seat.
“You didn’t fuck her,” I say bitterly. “So, what? Did she get down on her knees and—” I don’t get any further than that. My own words hit me hard, like a blow to the stomach, winding me.
Tom grabs my face, forcing me to look at him. He winces at whatever he sees there. “No one is better than you. Do you hear me? No one. I made a dumb fucking mistake, out of fear, but I couldn’t go through with it because of you.”
His words should soothe, but instead, they ignite my anger like the striking of a match.
“Well, I’m so fucking sorry that I’m getting in the way of you and your whores!” I scream in his face, hitting at his chest.
He doesn’t let me go. “Stop it. I want you in my way all the fucking time.” His voice, like his face, is determined. “I want you here with me every minute of every day. I want you more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I know I fucked up, and I’m so sorry for that. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. And you’re right. We weren’t together, but in here, we were.”
He taps chest. “I was trying to get you out by reverting to my old ways. I wasn’t thinking straight. But I’m thinking straight now. Thinking is all I’ve been doing for the past two weeks. Thinking about you and the time we had together. God, I’ve missed you like crazy. These last two weeks without you have been hell. I know it’s been my own doing, but I stayed away because I needed time to figure things out. I needed to be sure that I can be the guy you deserve. A guy who can give all of himself to you. Then, I saw you today, and I realized something.”
My mind has suddenly cleared. My anger is dissipating as I hang on his every word, needing to know what he’s going to say next more than I need my next breath. “What did you realize?”
“I realized that you already have me. You’re it for me.” Taking my face in his hands, he wipes my tears away. “I’m in love with you, Ly. I have been for a long time. It just took me a while to realize it. And when I did, I realized that my fears don’t mean shit anymore. In that moment, staring at you across the street, seeing you standing there, I knew…you kicked me on my ass. In that moment, I knew I would do anything to take away the hurt I caused you. I would give up everything, including myself, for you…because I would rather have a moment of everything with you than a lifetime of nothing.”
Oh my God.
He’s in love with me?
I’m choked with tears, stunned at his confession. “You love me?” I whisper.
He presses his forehead to mine, a smile touching the edges of his lips. “I love you.”
The words whisper over my skin, seeping into my heart, filling it…completing it.
“Ly…” He takes a deep breath. “I know I have no right to ask…but I need to know if you still feel the same. Or have I screwed things up? Have I lost you?”
I close my eyes on a blink. My mind is running at the speed of light. I’m trying to grab on to something, anything…
Anger. Pain. Want. Need.
I could argue and fight this, fight how I feel for him. I could walk away because of a mistake he made when we weren’t together.
Or I can forgive him. Put it behind us and let us start from now.
I’m working toward forgiving Dex for what he did to me. The least I can do is try the same for Tom.
I open my eyes. “I’m in love you, Tom. That doesn’t stop just because you act like a dick.”