The ring that never left her finger, other than when it slid off, was heavy. It weighed her down, like the love she had yet to completely say goodbye to, like the past she had to move forward from. Was it as simple as removing a ring? Would the shedding of it take all she couldn’t get over with it as well? Sara took it off her finger, raising it to eyelevel. It twinkled when the sunlight filtering in through the thin bedroom curtains caught it. It was a solitaire diamond. Simple.
Sara placed the cool metal to her lips and kissed it, clasping it tight within her hand for a moment. Closing her eyes, she bowed her head, willing the release to come, willing the ache to go away. It didn’t. Neither happened. It was a silly thought.
With a sigh, Sara opened the jewelry box on the dresser that housed rings and earrings and necklaces; all the things she used to wear and no longer did. There was a silver cross necklace her mother and father had given her as a graduation gift from high school. With a twinge, she pulled it out and clasped it around her neck, feeling closer to them merely by putting it on. They’d touched it once, they’d bought it for her; it was link to them.
Sara set the wedding ring down on the cream-cushioned interior, resisting the impulse to pick it back up, and with resolve stiffening her jaw, she picked out a pair of white crystal studs and a ring. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she put the earrings in her lobes and pushed the silver-leafed ring on the middle finger of her right hand.
She stared at the image looking back at her, noting the smudges under her eyes and the hollowed-out part below her cheekbones. Sara didn’t recognize the face; it wasn’t the one she remembered. The features were the same, but the look; that was something new. Continually beaten down, but still standing; that was the look in her eyes; that was Sara. You are strong, she thought, her brows lifting at the truth of it. Sara blinked; a little piece of herself given back to her with that realization.
***
She found him in the woods, surrounded by blooming trees and newly born grass. The earth was back to life. Sara envied it. The air was cool, crisp. Birds flew past, singing their joy. It smelled like fresh grass and Sara inhaled deeply, feeling like maybe she was looking at a form of perfection.
Lincoln wore dark jeans and a gray tee shirt. Sara’s heartbeat picked up at the same time her stomach swooped. Something inside her, maybe all of her, sighed at the sight of Lincoln. She dug her hands into the pockets of her light jacket and stopped beside him. Lincoln didn’t look at her, but Sara knew he knew she was there. His body slightly shifted toward hers, unconsciously pulled to her.
“I love you, Sara.”
The air was stolen from her lungs at that admission. “Lincoln—“
“I love you so much it hurts.” He turned his head toward her, his eyes glaring the truth at her, demanding her to see it. “My heart literally aches when you’re not around, even when you are. My throat tightens and there’s this horrible pressure in my chest. Because you’re not mine and I want you to be, and even if you were, I don’t know that this fucked up feeling would go away. It’s…it’s…part of me.” Lincoln muttered something, wearily running a hand through his dark waves as he looked away.
Again she tried to speak and he cut her off with a steely look. “I think of you all the time, I see your face in my dreams, I even feel you in the wind. I know it should be wrong, I know it shouldn’t be happening. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did. Or maybe it was supposed to happen. I don’t know. But now…” His throat convulsed. “Now I just love you and it’s all I can do and it’s all I’ll do. Forever. I’ll just keep loving you.” Lincoln turned shiny eyes from her to stare through the wooded forest.
Sara’s followed his and she saw her husband waiting for her in his black tuxedo, his eyes lit up with happiness, a grin on his lips. The vision of their wedding day faded and it was a forest of trees once more, but the sorrow stayed. It always did. Such a powerful thing: sadness. It had the power to wipe out happiness in the span of one second. Sara knew.
“He’d want you to be happy. Cole wouldn’t want you to be pining after him for the rest of your life, scared to live, scared to love again.”
“I know,” she said quietly.
“But you’re going to keep hiding, aren’t you? You’re going to keep denying yourself, denying us, until everything we have, or could have, is gone. Because you’re scared.” Lincoln faced her again, his eyes too bright. “You don’t think I’m scared too? Every breath I take is full of fear, but I keep breathing. I keep hoping, even though it scares the fuck out of me. Because the thought of losing you, of not having you at all, scares me more.”