She’d bumped into Mason and his nephew one day at the park and had spent the afternoon swinging and playing with Derek; regaling Mason with tales of her Waupun adventure and Dana. He’d looked at her with contentment, knowing she was on the right path. It was because of him and Lincoln and so many other people, but most of all, it was because of Sara.
As she now left the house, a warm breeze played with her hair. Sara gazed at the leafy green trees and grass as she walked, her destination filling her with apprehension and purpose. Lawnmowers whirred along in various yards, tossing the scent of freshly mowed grass in the air; kids shouted and squealed as they played. The sun was hot, warming her lightly suntanned skin. She’d loved Waupun, but she didn’t want to live there. Her home was here, in Boscobel. Her home was wherever was closest to Lincoln, even if not with Lincoln. Even if they couldn’t be together, even if he no longer wanted her, Sara wanted a part of him; she needed a part of him; even if only it was his friendship and nothing more. It would be enough. It had to be. But she hoped it wasn’t.
She hadn’t heard Cole or seen anything unusual since she’d been in Waupun and had heard his final words of “Take care, Sara” in her mind. So maybe he was truly gone and that had been his final goodbye. That saddened her, but it also set her free in a way. Of course, maybe he’d never really been with her at all. But her mind, at least, she had needed him to be, for a while anyway.
Sara walked through the rusted gate of the equally rusted fence, her skin prickling as she gazed at the land littered with tombstones. Giving a slight shudder, she walked toward his headstone. Sara had never liked cemeteries; they were filled with the dead and no matter where she stepped, she feared she was walking on a body. Graveyards made her feel like she was in another world; the land of the dead, where the dead were never really dead. Winds were cool and harsher here; shadows lengthened and darkened, and even when it was warm out, it was colder here. Sara didn’t want to think of Cole being in such a place, but this was where he was now, and so this was where she would talk to him. She knew it was only his body and not his soul buried beneath the ground—it wasn’t really him; Cole—but it was the closest she could physically get to him.
It was the anniversary of the car wreck and also his birthday; September 1st. In a way he was born on the same day he died.
The tombstone was rectangular and gray; simple. It read ‘Cole Walker – Beloved Son, Brother, and Husband’ with his date of birth and date of death. Where are you, Cole? Where are you now? Sara glanced around the empty cemetery, uneasily realizing she was the only living being here. It made her skin break out in goose bumps. She knelt on the uneven ground, searching for words to say, but nothing came to her. She’d made her peace with herself; she was trying to make her peace with God as well. And Cole.
“I don’t know what to say. I know you’re not really here. I have to believe you’re somewhere better, or I won’t be able to do this. I won’t be okay unless I think that.” Sara’s knees became stiff the longer she crouched down beside the tombstone, but it didn’t matter. “I guess the reason I’m here…I guess what I came to say is…” Her eyes burned with unshed tears and the wind picked up, tousling her hair around her face as she stared at the stone she knew would be cold and smooth. “Goodbye. I came to say goodbye. Not to you, never to you, but to—“ Sara blinked and unlocked the tears. “To the life we had together,” she whispered, brushing the tears away with a trembling hand.
The cold breeze abruptly stopped, a warm stillness taking its place. Sara smiled in spite of the tears, love and sorrow welling in her heart for the man she’d been blessed to have. She had to remember that; she had to be thankful for the time they’d had together, instead of thinking of the time they hadn’t gotten.
“Goodbye, Cole,” she whispered, slowly standing. A collage of images, thoughts, and emotions pierced her as she stood; blue eyes, gruff laughter, warm hands, coffee and cherry Carmex, passion, tenderness, sadness, love. Sara took a deep breath and turned; all of it fading away at the sight that met her.
Down the gravel path, standing just inside the fence, was Lincoln.