“Don’t you always?”
She pinches me again. “Knock it off! Can you be serious for five minutes?”
I give her a level stare. “You’re asking me to be serious?”
“Ugh!” She tries to shimmy out of my arms, but I wound them around her tighter.
“Ok, ok, I’m sorry. Ask me anything. Seriously this time.”
Ally nods toward shadowed, white walls. “You don’t have any pictures up.”
“That’s not a question.”
“Shut up, will you, and let me finish.” She smiles and shakes her head, before laying it on my shoulder. “You don’t have any photos, and you’ve never really talked about your family. And since you already know all about me and my life, I thought…”
“You want to know about my family.”
“Yes.” She turns toward me, a tearful apology in her eyes. “I want to know you. We only have a little over a week left together. It’s not enough, Justice. I need to soak up as much of you as I can.”
I take a deep breath and position her body so I’m forced to look at her. So I’m forced to see the judgment and regret that will undoubtedly be on her face.
“My story is nothing new; you’ve heard it before. My father never loved my mother. He was charming, rich, powerful, and an impeccable liar. She was gentle and na?ve, thinking that her love for him would change him just enough to make him feel for her. She was too good for him, yet too stupid to see it and leave him alone.”
She gives me a soft smile. “Sounds about right.”
“She didn’t, of course. And soon, he found himself a shiny, new toy to feed his ego. My mother had served her purpose, and so had I. His relationship with me ended with theirs.”
“Where is your mother now?”
“Somewhere grieving her broken heart, probably a dirty martini in hand. She never got over him. When he sent us away, I told myself that it was his loss. But it was ours too. I lost that warm, compassionate woman that was just too optimistic for her own good. The one that’d tell me how I’d grow up one day and be a movie star and marry the most beautiful woman in the world, and give her half a dozen grandchildren. I lost her, and she lost herself. She lost her reason to live.”
Ally cups my cheek and looks at me like she can see right through my impassive exterior. Like she can actually see the broken pieces of me that are glued together by lies and deceit.
I muster a weak smile and remove her hand. “Don’t feel bad for me. I don’t.”
“But it has to be lonely.”
“How can I be lonely?” I smirk. “I’m constantly surrounded by beautiful women and a very efficient, if not overbearing, staff.”
“It’s not the same, Justice. Everybody needs someone.”
“I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. We all do.”
I grasp her tighter, pulling her so close that my lips graze hers. “Then who do you need, Ally?”
Her animated eyes search the parts of me she can see, this close up. She opens her mouth to answer, yet doesn’t say a word. And I realize, I don’t want to hear the answer. I don’t want to hear that she needs anybody else but me. So with my fingers knotted in her matted mess of hair, I kiss her despite my fears. I kiss her so she can taste just how much I want her, how much I need her. Although it’s more than my heart can stand, I kiss that angel as I feel every vital part of me being crumpled into dust.
Every kiss is a goodbye. Especially the ones that kill you.
“OH MY GOD, I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t—I can’t, Justice.”
I look up from the Ferragamos I’m slipping on my feet and furrow my brow at the red-haired goddess before me. “Ally, it’s not as bad as you think.”
“How can you be so sure? I’ve never done anything like this. Ever! Oh my God, I feel sick.”
Panic sets in. “Wait…what exactly are you talking about?”
“The walk of shame!” she answers, throwing her hands up. “I knew I should’ve gone back to my room last night. All I need now, is raccoon eyes and bed head. Ugh!”
I stand up to wrap her in my arms and touch my lips to her cute little pout. “First of all, you’re beautiful. And it’s still early; no one will even see you. And, no, you shouldn’t have left. You wanted to stay with me just as badly as I did.”
“You’re right—I did want to stay.” Her expression softens before her forehead falls on my chest. “This is so hard. Why is this so hard?”