“I can’t stay. It’s just…I, uh…ran into a problem with your homework assignment.”
I bite my bottom lip hard to keep from chuckling. “Oh? Need a hand?” I turn just in time to see Ally’s icy-cold glare. She shakes her head.
“See…this was a mistake.”
“No, no, I’m sorry. Tell me about it. I sincerely want to help.” I open the carton of Mint Chocolate Chip and scoop up a serving, handing it to her. Ally pauses, contemplating her next move, before eventually exhaling her frustration and accepting the cold, creamy peace offering.
“It’s nothing…I don’t think.” She eases the spoon into her mouth and hums her approval, letting her eyelids close in ecstasy. She slides onto a barstool before sinking her spoon back in for another bite. “It’s just… Ok, don’t laugh. Promise?”
“Cross my heart and hope to die,” I respond around a mouthful of sweet, frozen deliciousness.
“Ok, here goes… How do you know if you had an orgasm?” she almost whispers.
I frown. “What do you mean, how do you know?”
“I mean, how can you tell? Like, I’m not sure if or how I’ve…you know. And I’ve never…by myself… Oh God, this is too embarrassing!” She shoves the spoon into the carton and covers her face with both hands.
“Ally…” I stow my own spoon and place a comforting hand on her shoulder. Just an innocent shoulder. Nothing to see here, folks.
“I’m mortified! This was such a mistake!”
“It’s not. That’s what I’m here for. You can ask me anything, you hear me? Anything.”
Slowly, she removes her hands from her face yet keeps her eyes trained on the countertop. “I swear, I’m not this clueless. It’s just…there’s only been Evan and we’ve never talked about whether or not I’ve…you know. So I’m not sure if it’s happened or what kind.”
I nod, understanding what she’s saying and surrendering the instinct to wrap her up in my arms and kiss her senseless. Her naiveté is incredibly inspiring. Oh, the things I could do…
“Well, Ally. If you have to wonder if you’ve ever had an orgasm, then chances are, you haven’t.”
Her eyes double in size. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Are they that good? Like, will I be able to distinguish it from just regular sex?”
I grin, hoping that it comes off as more reassuring than mocking. “Think of the act of sex as a slow burn. There are highs and lows, of course. Some areas burn hotter than others. But for the most part, it just kindles until it’s eventually extinguished.
“Now, achieving orgasm…imagine that burn building into a flame. And that flame growing into a wildfire. And that wildfire combusting into a fireworks display on the 4th of July. Dozens of magnificent colors bursting, popping, sizzling. Lighting up the night sky with blinding brilliance. You can tell the difference between that slow, steady burn and fireworks, right?”
Ally picks up her spoon and digs around in the ice cream carton, avoiding eye contact. “Yes, of course.”
“Then you know whether or not you’ve achieved orgasm.” I pick up my spoon from the pint and lick the ice cream remnants before pointing it towards her. “So tell me, Ally…Did Evan ever make you feel fireworks?”
She’s quiet for a few beats, so I know I’ve crossed the line. But instead of slapping me across the face soap-opera style or high tailing it out of my house, she laughs. She laughs that carefree belly laugh that illuminates the darkness of my lonely heart. The kind that is usually accompanied by a snort and/or tears at the tiny crinkles around her eyes. The kind of laugh that makes me laugh too, for no damn reason at all.
“No,” she shakes her head, still laughing. “No, Evan never made me feel fireworks. Oh my God, how pathetic am I? Twenty-seven years old and I’ve never had an orgasm!” Hilarity overcomes her once more, and she slaps the kitchen top.
“Ally…” I say, catching my breath. “Ally, that doesn’t make you pathetic at all. That makes him pathetic. He has perfection at his fingertips, yet he can’t get you off? You were pure and untouched when you met him. Untainted. You gave him a beautiful gift. The least he could’ve done was make you come properly.”
That gets her attention, and all signs of humor are erased from her expression. “I guess you’re right. But it was just never a priority to Evan.” Her face falls, sadness creeping onto her delicate, porcelain features. “I was never a priority.”
I want to touch her so badly. I want to pull her chin up so she can see me…so she can feel the conviction in my next words. “Then why on Earth would you want to be with someone who only makes you an option? When you clearly have made him a priority?”
Her eyes meet mine, unmasked pain and confusion so evident in those cyan orbs. “Justice…don’t-”