I slowly look up.
“That’s what I’m asking. I mean, it makes sense, yeah? I’m going to spend my life with you. You’re my forever, and I thought this would be a good way to ease you into agreeing to marry me, just in case that idea terrifies you. I’ll do it proper, I swear, Brooke. You deserve that. I’m just warming you up to it.”
My mouth falls open. Heat floods my face and my neck as my eyes struggle to focus on anything in front of me. “I think I need to sit down.”
“You are sitting down.”
“Well, then maybe I should stand up.”
He pushes lightly against my shoulder. “Your knee. Rest it for a minute.”
Frustrated, I swat at his hand. “Stop! Just stop, okay?” I yell, startling him a bit.
He drops his hand and nods, looking cautious.
Tears fill my eyes as I slowly fall apart. “I don’t understand what’s happening. Friday you let go of me. You promised you would never let go of me, Mason, and then I don’t hear anything from you for days. I thought this was over.” I shove against his chest. “I thought this was over! I’ve been dying and what the fuck have you been doing? Planning our life together? Are you serious?” I blink, sending fat tears down my face.
Hesitantly, he reaches up and wipes his knuckles along my cheek. “I’ve been dying too.”
“How?” I ask, watching him shift closer.
“The only time I left this room was to go to the liquor store,” he tells me in a somber voice, brushing my hair out of my face. “I’ve been drunk up through yesterday, Brooke. Black-out drunk. I don’t remember most of it. I canceled all of my classes and smashed my phone against the wall.”
“Why? So I wouldn’t call you?”
He shakes his head. “So I wouldn’t call you. God, I would’ve been bloody ecstatic if you would’ve called me. I came close. I nearly texted you a few times and I knew I shouldn’t. You hated me, but I missed you so fucking much.” He holds my face, tears brimming his eyes now. “So fucking much, Brooke. Every second you were away from me I longed for you. That distance killed me.”
I sniffle, thinking back to that night, to all the things that were said and the question that broke us.
“I fucked up,” Mason whispers, blinking and sending his own tears down his face, moving so close to me I can feel his breath on my skin. “I saw that disc, what was on it, and I . . . I lost it. Baby, I lost it. I couldn’t see you. I couldn’t hear what I was saying or how it sounded. I have never felt any of the things I feel for you for anyone else. I’ve never felt possessive before, but that night I wanted to find that guy and kill him for touching you. I would’ve killed him, Brooke.”
“Mason.” I clutch at his shirt, crying harder.
“You’re mine, and I saw you with someone else and that fucked with my head. I know I have no right to be that way. I know you were with him before you even met me, but fuck, Brooke, I feel like you’ve been mine for longer than we’ve known each other. You brought me here.” His hold on me tightens. “You brought me here.”
The devastation, the agony and regret in his voice, it’s ripping me apart. I can’t help but feel some blame for this.
And I missed him too.
I slide my hands to his face, ignoring the burn in my palms. “I’m sorry about that disc.”
“No.” He wipes away more of my tears. “I’m the one who’s sorry, Brooke. More sorry than I will ever be able to express to you. This is on me. I hate what I’ve done. I hate that I made you feel any less than how I think of you. I hate that you thought this was over. It could never be over for me. God, even when you said this never mattered and I meant nothing, I still loved you. That will never change. I will never let go of you.”
I drop my head, letting more tears fall. “I only said those things because I thought that was what you believed. I didn’t mean them.”