I drum my fingers on the counter as my last ounce of patience is stretched thin.
This bitch right here. If she doesn’t move her snippy ass along, I’m going to have to search for the number to those window repair men we used a few years back. I am not above violence today. Not after the weekend I’ve had. But only classy violence, of course. A nice hard shove in the right direction never hurt anyone. If she happens to go sailing through a window in the process, that’s on her. I am merely directing her toward the exit she can’t seem to locate on her own.
Firmly directing her.
Tapping her manicured finger on her chin, the woman in front of me, who has been debating on her selection for the past thirty-seven minutes, admires the left side of the case.
Again.
For the sixth time.
“These muffins right here.” She points at a tray while glaring at me from overtop of her glasses. “Are those raisins?”
“The ones labeled cranberry raisin muffins?” I arch my eyebrow. “Yes, those are indeed raisins. We try not to lie to customers here as much as we can. What with allergies and everybody wanting to sue everybody.”
“Mm.” She pinches her heavily lined lips together. “I’m not sure about raisins. They tend to make whatever dough they’re in a bit on the dry side.”
“Nothing in this bakery is dry, I assure you.”
Except for your vagina. When was the last time that thing saw any action? Prohibition?
I watch her walk along the counter. Back and forth. Back and forth. She leans in close, admires a treat or two while pinching the side of her glasses, then pulls back and resumes her leisurely as fuck perusal.
Breathe, Joey. Keep your fabulous shit together. No mauling the customers. They pay you. You love them.
Stopping directly across from me, the woman glances up. She looks bored out of her mind. “I don’t see any gluten free options available. That’s a shame. You know, Whipped over on Madison offers an alternative menu for people who have digestive troubles.”
I tilt my head. “Whipped also caters to rodents. They were busted two weeks ago by the health department for a rat infestation.”
Her eyes flicker a hair wider. “Oh, I . . . wasn’t aware of that.” She clears her throat, studying the case again.
Tension builds in my shoulders. I close my eyes and think of my happy place.
Billy on his knees, his finger probing my ass and his sweet mouth wrapped around my . . .
A loud clanging noise arises from the kitchen.
My head snaps in the direction of the doorway, then back at the woman who startles, a little too dramatically even for my taste, slapping a hand to her heaving chest as her eyes shift frantically around the room.
“What in the world was that?”
I grit my teeth.
Brooke. Poor thing is on the verge of a complete, epic meltdown back there. She has three modes I’ve seen her in the past three days—hysterically crying, angrier than my mother when she doesn’t get a drink by noon, and so utterly stressed she paces around the kitchen, shaking and talking to herself.
Christ, it’s only Monday. Between the Mason incident and this goddamn wedding, Brooke might need serious therapy by the end of the week.
I also might need some serious therapy by the end of the week.
Laughing off the disruption from the kitchen, I wave my hand in the air. “By the sound of it, I’m going to guess a sheet tray hitting the floor. I apologize for that. We’re just so busy back there making things that aren’t dry.”
The woman adjusts her glasses, cutting a look at me.
I flick a few strands of hair off my forehead.
Bitch.
My phone beeps in my pocket. I tug it out as the woman continues wasting my time.
Dylan: What was that? Is Brooke breaking shit now? I know she’s upset but she needs to remember where she is, Joey. HANDLE IT.
Sweet Christ. Why couldn’t she be on bed rest at her mother’s?
Me: Ease up on the shouty caps, cupcake. Everything is under control.
Dylan: BETTER BE. (I love you)