“What are you playing?” The wind picked up slightly, and Georgia wrapped a bandana quickly around her hair, keeping it out of her face.
“The song you asked me to play a couple of weeks ago was called Nocturne by Chopin. I’ve been playing it whenever I think of Rae. And not because it sounds sad, I actually don’t think it’s sad at all ... anyway,” I took a breath, refocusing myself, “I composed a piece based on that one and mixed in some notes that I felt really expressed Rae, to me. And how we were with each other.”
“Oh ... wow...” Georgia looked uncomfortable as she studied her fingers.
“But,” I sighed, “if there’s anything I learned about love and loss at all, it’s that I can’t do anything alone. That’s why I want you here. To help me say goodbye to her.”
She opened her mouth like she was about to protest, but then her shoulders sank as she exhaled. “I’m here for you. Go ahead.”
Georgia rubbed her hand up and down my back a couple of times and stepped back, giving me space to play.
I’d kept the beginning the same, tears spilling from the strings in the form of high-pitched vibrato, wailing for everything I’d lost. I shook up the middle of the song, though, and gave it some reprieve. Breath. Healing. Working on the notes over the past several weeks, I’d focused on all of the good times Rae and I had, and everything we felt for each other, said and unsaid.
As I transitioned to that section, I looked out into the ocean and heard Rae’s laughter yet again. My eyes shifted to Georgia, who had tears in her eyes and down her cheeks as I swayed to the notes. She did a horrible job of keeping her tears hidden, and eventually they fell from my eyes too.
I smiled through them, though. Life is an endless ocean of tears, happy and sad, and it’s our job to smile in their wake. Ending the song was easy, peaceful, resonating with a tranquility I’d spent almost nine months forcing into my bones. Letting go was all I needed. Not a forcing in of peace, but a letting go of hurt. Peace is always there at the center of our souls, and I had allowed anger, hurt, and hate to shove it in a long forgotten closet.
As I pulled the bow away from the strings, I closed my eyes and whispered, “Goodbye.”
At that, Georgia’s arms were around me. I rested my chin on the top of her head and took several breaths, feeling lighter than I had in months.
“Regan, that was beautiful.” She stepped back and gestured to the bag. “What’s that?”
My throat constricted. “It’s the last part.”
I had her hold my violin as I knelt down and removed three items from the bag. First was a glass bottle I’d picked up from an antique store around the block the day before. It came with a large cork, which was the selling point for me, really.
“What are you putting in there?” Georgia took off her coat and laid it on the ground, setting my violin on top of it as she knelt next to me.
I pulled out a crisp sheet of composition notebook with the words For You written on top. “This is the song I just played. See?” I handed it to Georgia, who took it in her hands as if it were a baby bird, never closing her fingers around the edges, just letting it float in her palms.
She nodded and I took it back from her, rolling it into a telescoping tube and sliding it into the bottle. I reached into my back pocket and pulled out Rae’s card.
“What are you doing with that?” Georgia arched her eyebrow skeptically.
My voice shook, even though I was certain. “She wrote her love letter to me, and I wrote mine back. They belong together in here.” I rolled the card up as tightly as I could so it would snuggle inside the rolled up song. Finally, I put the cork on it, pressing as hard as I could, until my thumbnail turned white.
“Regan,” Georgia’s voice rose in panic as I stood, “what are you doing?”
I held out my hand, helping her up with a sweaty palm. “Walk with me. Please.”
Her short legs moved quickly to keep pace with me. “Don’t you think you should ... think about this?” She seemed to figure out my plan pretty quickly, though what else was one to do with a corked bottle and a whole ocean?
“I have. For eight months, three of which I spent trying to forget about her in Ireland. I don’t want to forget about Rae, Georgia, but I need to say goodbye.”
“You can’t throw that fucking letter in the ocean. That’s insane!” Her hand trembled as she tugged, begging me to slow down.
We reached the end of the pier and I stood with my eyes closed, filling my lungs with salty fresh air.
“Seriously, Regan, you can’t throw her letter away.” Georgia’s voice was pleading.
I faced her to find her pale and nauseated looking.
“I’m not throwing it away. I’m just ... sending our love into the universe. Maybe someone will find this. Maybe not. If they do, I want them to know what our love was. If no one ever sees it, then we’ll know. Rae and me.”
I brought the bottle to my lips, kissing the cold glass once. Georgia held my hand tighter, resting her head on my shoulder; her breathing was even as she seemed to wait.