Still, when I looked across the room into Ember’s eyes, or watched Bo bow his head slightly before each time he played his guitar, she was there. She was there when I bailed after the funeral and escaped to Ireland for three months, ditching the closest friends I’d had in years. Rae was there, snuggled amongst the ruins of centuries old castles on the edges of family farms, and she was there in the quiet moments before I drifted to sleep. She was in my dreams.
Dust lingers, and I was desperate to wash it clean, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t even know if I could, but I had to try.
“Hey, you okay out here?” Ember quietly slid the screen door open and met me in the adjoining Adirondack chair.
I nodded. “Of course.”
“You know, Bo found a great therapist here. If you want to set—”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “It’s okay, Ember. Really.”
“Ireland isn’t therapy, Regan.” I could tell she rolled her eyes without even looking at her.
“Says the girl who’s never been there. Anyway, I’ll be fine. CJ’s plane lands in a couple of hours, and he and I will be exploring some while I apartment hunt. That way I can get out of your hair and let you and Bo play house.” I tried to smirk but couldn’t when I looked at her.
Ember’s eyes softened in a way only hers could. Just barely. Just enough. “No rush, you know. You’re welcome here any time. All the time.”
My sister was several years older than me, and I didn’t spend a lot of time with her growing up. While Ember and I never directly talked about it, it was like we’d adopted each other as brother and sister. I knew she was worried about me because I didn’t talk much about Rae, but there wasn’t much I felt I needed to say. I just needed to get settled in my own apartment, get playing with the band, and the rest would take care of itself. I needed to push through this.
Just a little longer and I’d be okay.
“How long is CJ planning on staying, anyway?” Ember’s nose scrunched a little as she formed her question.
“Ha, don’t worry, Em, I won’t let him touch your things.”
“Mmm.” Ember arched her eyebrow as she took a sip of her coffee. “Thank you. Okay, love, I’m out to run some errands, then I’ll be at the studio the rest of the day.”
“You have fun, and I’ll try to make sure CJ is in bed with a dose of penicillin by the time you guys get home.”
Ember choked on her coffee as she laughed. “This. This is why I love you. Later.”
“Later.”
A couple of hours later I was waiting in San Diego International Airport. CJ had, in true CJ fashion, invited himself out for a visit. I’d only been in San Diego for about a week, and was still looking for my own place to live, but he said it was too cold in the Cape to wait for me to get my act together.
“Hey, asshole!”
And, there he was.
CJ’s movements didn’t match his looks as he brightly bounced toward me. He was clearly hung over, his usually-gelled hair sticking straight out on all sides, making him look like Animal from The Muppets.
Okay, maybe his movements perfectly matched his personality.
“What up, cuz?” I high-fived him, pulling him into a half-hug.
Even though he was a couple of years younger than me, my mother had always demanded that I play with him, given he was an only child and my sister was out of the house most of the time. I looked after him for as long as I needed to, but once high school came, and we went to different schools, he no longer needed me. While I was always taller, he doubled in size across his shoulders and in every muscle of his body. CJ could take plenty good care of himself and was able to find many girls who could take care of what he couldn’t.
“Let’s get this party started, bro. It’s cold as balls back home, man. God, it’s gorgeous here! You lucky fuckin’ bastard. What’s up first?” With his ADHD in full effect, CJ bounced beside me as we walked to my car.
“How’s the band been going?” I asked a few minutes into our drive.
“Slow right now, our next big show will be St. Patrick’s Day.” CJ’s hands rapped lightly against the dashboard as he looked out the window. “So, where are we going?”
“We’re going to head down to South Park, I think. I’ve heard great things about the neighborhood, and it seems affordable.”
“Oh no shit! E’s Tavern is in South Park. We have to go there.” His drumming got louder as he smiled.
I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. “What’s so special about E’s?”
“Well, for one, they’ve got live music. Stage, open mic nights, everything. You could play there when you’re not recording. But, most importantly,” he stopped his drumming and arched an eyebrow, “Georgia’s there.”
Of course.
I couldn’t help but laugh when he flicked his tongue ring against his teeth as he wiggled his eyebrows. “Do I even want to know?”
Probably not.
“Oh,” he returned his attention to the road, and his fingers to the beat, “you’ll know.”
“What’d you run out of women on the East Coast who bought your shit, so you had to outsource?” I’d always wondered how he avoided sleeping with the same girl twice.
CJ’s face crinkled a bit. “Fuck no, dude. I’ve never slept with her. It’s ... Georgia.”