“Like I said, when I get pissed I say a lotta shit I don’t mean and what I said about you I didn’t mean,” he repeated, beginning to look as impatient as he sounded.
“And like I said, you’re old enough to learn you shouldn’t do that,” I repeated too, probably also looking impatient.
“That isn’t me,” he replied.
“Well, then, this obviously is eating you and that’s your consequence because I have feelings and you walked all over them and you can’t order me to shake it off so you can feel better. It’s there, burned in my brain and I can’t just forget it because you tell me to. So you have to live with that. You can’t and want me gone, say it now because I’m beginning to like Betty and I met Shambles and Sunny and I’m having dinner with them tomorrow night and I’d rather not make ties when I’m going to need to hit the road because my boss is going to get rid of me.”
“Shambles and Sunny?” he asked.
“Shambles and Sunny,” I answered but didn’t share more. “Now, can we just move on and do our best to work together and all other times avoid each other or do you want me to go?”
He moved forward an inch and I again fought the urge to retreat.
“Forgiveness is divine,” he said softly and I’d never heard him talk soft. He had a very nice voice but when it went soft, it was beautiful.
This also sucked.
“I’m not divine,” I returned. “I’m also not Ace and I’m not Babe. I’m Lauren. You don’t like my name, don’t call me anything at all. Now can I clean the danged table?”
I had my head tipped back to look him in the eye but I could tell he was expending effort to hold his whole body still.
Then he said in that soft voice, “I’m sorry, Ace.”
“Me too,” I replied instantly being clear I didn’t accept his apology which wasn’t a nice thing to do but then again, I was trying out this not being nice thing and I found that what he said hurt so much I could do it so I was going to go with it. “Now can I get back to work?”
He moved so he was far less than foot away and edging into my space.
“Krys told me your story,” he said quietly and I sighed but didn’t speak. “You bust your husband’s balls like this?”
I felt my innards seize and it didn’t feel very nice.
Then I asked, “Are you pissed now? Is that the reason for the latest asshole remark?”
“Nope, just curious.”
“Then no,” I replied and went on to share with brutal honesty, “I loved him. He meant everything to me. I thought we were happy, mostly. We had our crap times but most of the time I thought we were happy. Or at least I was. So I didn’t need to bust his balls because I loved him, we were good together and we had a good life. That is, until I found out it was all a lie, every last nuance of it, and I still didn’t bust his balls. I granted him a divorce, sold our house and stepped aside. I could have wrung him dry but it would only prolong my sorrow and maybe build bitterness so what’s the point of that?”
Tate watched me while I spoke, his eyes riveted to mine in a strange way that made it seem like the words I spoke etched themselves on his soul the instant I said them and when I was done he asked, “So you forgive him for bein’ a cheatin’ asshole and a liar and a dickhead who’s so fuckin’ dumb he throws away a good thing but you can’t forgive me for sayin’ somethin’ stupid?”
“I didn’t forgive him. I just didn’t bust his balls. That was your question and that was my answer. Now can I wipe down the table?”
He was silent for several long moments before he said, “Yeah, Ace, you can wipe the table and we can find a way to work together but I’ll tell you straight, I ain’t puttin’ the effort in to avoid you just because you’re holdin’ tight to somethin’ that didn’t mean shit. You can try to avoid me but it ain’t a big bar, it ain’t a big town – you got attitude and you’re stubborn as all hell but you ain’t gonna be able to avoid me. Our paths will cross.”
I looked to the ceiling. “Great, more reasons to lose sleep.”
“Babe,” he called and I rolled my eyes back to him.
“Stop calling me babe,” I demanded.
Tate ignored me. “You want sweet dreams, lose the attitude and you might find I’ll give you reason to have them.”
I felt my body seize at his words but he was done. I knew this because he turned and walked away, going straight down the hall until the murky darkness enveloped him and I lost sight of him.
My body stayed frozen while new words in Tate’s deep, rough voice ricocheted around in my brain.
And a dickhead who’s so fuckin’ dumb he throws away a good thing...
And if that wasn’t enough…
You want sweet dreams, lose the attitude and you might find I’ll give you reason to have them.
The first one was undeniably nice. The second one I didn’t get at all.
“Hey there, Lauren,” I heard, jumped at the sound and whirled to see Jim-Billy entering. “I’m early but could I have a draft?”
I looked at my watch then at Jim-Billy. “It’s just past eleven thirty.”