“You are stupid, aren’t you?” I growled. “Put it in your mouth and suck, bitch.”
“Look,” she said, holding both the smoke and the lighter out towards me. “I’ve just about had enough…”
“You look,” I interrupted, staring into her face and glaring at her. My tone dropped low. “Stick the fucking cigarette in your mouth and light it for me, or I swear to God I’m going to beat the shit out of you and throw you to the fucking sharks. Are we clear?”
Her eyes grew wide, and I could see her swallow hard. She slowly brought the cigarette up to her lips and the lighter to the end of it, never taking her eyes from me. The tip glowed red for a second before she started coughing and held the now lit smoke out for me to take.
I almost dropped the damn thing after all of that. I closed my eyes and sucked smoke through the filter and into my lungs. I didn’t even open my eyes again until I was halfway done with it. I tried to slow down a little, knowing once it was gone there was only one left. My hands were still trembling as I held it up to my lips, and I started rocking back and forth again.
I smoked the cigarette down to the filter and tossed the butt out the opening. Once it was gone, I glanced at Raine out of the corner of my eye. She wasn’t looking at me but was sitting with her legs curled under her and just staring down at her hands in her lap.
Shit.
I had basically told her I was going to kill her.
“I wouldn’t do that,” I said, but not very loud.
“Do what?”
“What I said…about beating you up and sharks. I wouldn’t fucking do that, okay?”
“Good to know,” she said quietly.
Shit.
I was about to say something else when I doubled over, and a stabbing pain raced through my gut again. I ended up on my side with my arms wrapped around myself. I think I might have screamed. The shaking suddenly stopped, but I started retching again. I couldn’t make it to the side, so it was good there wasn’t anything in my stomach for me to throw up.
“Daniel, what should I do?”
I felt my muscles tense up and my vision blurred. I tried to open my mouth and tell her to shut the fuck up again, but it wouldn’t open and I couldn’t move my tongue. It felt too big for my mouth. I was abruptly staring at the domed canopy above me, and I could feel my body jerking against the floor.
Oh shit, I thought. I’m seizing.
*
Something soft was making slow, deliberate lines from my temple, through the hair behind my ear, and across my jaw before starting over at my temple again.
My eyes were closed, but I could hear gentle splashing of waves against the side of the raft and feel the cooling evening breeze through the openings in the sides. My head was still pounding, but at least it felt like the shaking had stopped.
I was pretty sure I had a seizure though I had never had one before. I knew it was a possibility. I hadn’t been without alcohol in my system for that long for a good four years. My body just couldn’t take it.
I took a couple of deliberate breaths and tried to take inventory of myself.
I was lying on my right side with my right arm bent up, and my head was resting on my forearm. There was something soft under my arm – probably one of the towels. My knees were drawn up, and all the muscles in my stomach felt like they had been punched repeatedly. Actually, most of my body was feeling like I had come really close to losing a fight which hadn’t happened too often. My throat and mouth were really, really dry.
The something soft was still stroking slowly from my temple to my chin. There was something similar running over the knuckles of my left hand, which was stretched out away from my body a little and slightly elevated from the raft bottom.
I cautiously opened my eyes and saw Raine sitting next to me with her legs crossed and my hand in her lap. She was stroking the back of my hand with her thumb. Her fingers briefly obscured my view as they passed back over the side of my face. The sensation was…calming. When my eyes settled on hers, I could see the tears running across her cheeks. I tried to comprehend why she would be crying and could only come up with one answer – she was crying for me.
She shouldn’t be doing that. If there was anyone who didn’t deserve her tears, I would be that person. My heavy eyes closed again, and I tried to open my mouth. My lips felt cracked and dry, and trying to wet them with my equally dry tongue didn’t make a whole lot of difference. I tried taking a deeper breath – I wanted to tell her not to cry for me – but no sound came out. She should be saving her tears for someone else. My head was still pounding, and though the memories weren’t clear, I knew I had said some pretty fucking horrific things to her.