“What does?” she snapped back.
I looked back up at her and glared again. I tossed both my arms up in the air, wildly gesturing at the world.
“All of this shit.”
“And you need to take that out on me?”
“You’re the only one here to take it out on, so yes.”
“You need another cup of water?” Raine tilted her head to one side before she cocked an eyebrow at me.
I was fairly certain she’d do it, too. I managed to capture the words “Shut the fuck up, bitch” before they left my mouth and distracted myself by grabbing the binoculars to check the horizon again.
Still nothing but fucking water.
I took a deep breath to keep any potential panic from rising up. It wasn’t like I had lost hope or anything since it hadn’t really been that long. We weren’t low on supplies – yet – and we weren’t in bad shape physically – yet – but I knew how quickly that could change. The longer we were on this raft, the worse it was going to be.
For once, it wasn’t just me I needed to look after. There was the annoying, questioning, tiny little piece of seriously feminine, soft, brown-eyed, doesn’t-take-my-shit, fucking beautiful young woman who didn’t stand a chance on her own that I needed to protect.
I still didn’t know if I wanted to kill her or fuck her, but I knew which way I was starting to lean. Something about being attacked by the tiny little thing was a serious fucking turn on.
“Look, I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot,” she suddenly said.
I almost startled at her voice. I really didn’t think she would be talking to me pleasantly any time soon. I didn’t look at her. Every time I looked at those eyes, I wanted to go find a tube of lotion and a titty mag. Actually, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t need the mag.
“Maybe we can start over?”
“Starting over rarely works out the way you think it will,” I growled. Then I told myself to stop it because every time I got agitated or lost my temper, I lost that much energy for no benefit. I also didn’t want another cup full of salt water thrown at me.
Every tournament is different. Melee out in the open, with opponents everywhere, your anger is going to give you the advantage. Not every match is like that. Sometimes you have to use your head. That’s where you have the advantage, and that’s where you are going to win.
I took a long, slow breath and tried to center myself.
“Okay,” I said as softly as I could and still have her hear me over the waves. “We’ll start over.”
“Good!” she said and actually smiled a little. “I’m Raine, and I’m really glad you didn’t let me drown.”
I considered making a stupid crack about her name being a kind of weather but held back for once. I took another deep breath. Might as well get it all out on the table.
“I’m Daniel,” I said. “I’m an alcoholic and a chain smoker, and I don’t have any alcohol and only have two smokes. I’m going to try to stop myself from being a total dick, but it isn’t always going to work because I’m already starting to get the shakes, and there’s still probably a decent amount of alcohol in my system. This time tomorrow I’ll be a whole lot worse off.”
Raine sat still, just looking at me.
“You’re my responsibility,” I continued. “It doesn’t matter if it’s a storm or a shark or a reef or anything else; it’s always the captain’s responsibility to keep the passengers alive. I obviously did a shitty job with the rest since you’re the only one I got left. I don’t like being responsible for anybody but me, and it pisses me off.”
I sat back and waited for her to confirm the whole situation was my fault.
“If you know you are an alcoholic, why don’t you try to stop?”
Why she decided to start with that little tidbit was beyond me.
“Knowing doesn’t give me a reason to stop,” I shrugged.
“Why do you drink so much?”
I could feel myself starting to tense up. I had to make her stop asking about this kind of shit.
“I don’t talk about my past,” I stated. “Asking me about it isn’t going to get you too far, and it will definitely piss me off. If we’re starting over, just let it fucking rest, okay? It will make not being a dick a hell of a lot easier for me.”
She looked over to me, and I waited for her to ask another fucking question.
“I understand,” she said.
I must have given her a look of shock.
“I’m not blind, you know,” Raine said. She gestured towards me. “You have obviously had it rough.”
“What, the scars?” I chuckled a little. “Those don’t mean anything. Like I said – I was a fighter. Badges of honor and all that shit.”
“Can I ask you about the fighting?”
“No,” I said. At least she was asking if she could ask.
“All right, I won’t,” she said.